• Zhenyu Qiu (Alison - 2021)

The Ocean | Xiaojie

Updated: Aug 20


If anything depression has taught me, it’s the ability to embrace the unknown, the ability to rationalize the fear, and stay present. To me, that means staying curious, staying non-judgmental, and knowing that life is a miracle.

Different from meditation where I struggle to stay focused, diving is a focus itself to me. I wrote down some of my experience here to share with you.

Xiaojie

Valletta, Malta 2011

11th May 2017 @ Beijing

Author | Xiaojie

The Ocean

Fear tenses up as I lose sight of the shore

The unknown

Excitement rises as the boundaries disappear

The unknown

My soul pumps for undefined shapes

Santorini, Greece, 2011

The air running through my hair

The sun light dancing on my skin

The clouds are my new best friends

The water, the water splashing into the boat

It’s not part of my life

But rather,

I am part of his

Sitting at the edge of the boat

My body thinks I am crazy

It tenses up

Then my mind speaks

“We need to take a leap of faith”

Subic, the Philippines, 2014

Leaning back

I dive in

When my lips touch the ocean

When my eyes see the brightness of the dark ocean

I give in

There I am

A human being in the fish tank

Breathing in and out of my mouth

Hearing the sound of the ocean from within

My breath is right there

Creating a space water free

My body is right there

Like a child struggling to take a first step

And my heart beat

The given heart beat

It’s so reassuring that I am humbled

Bali, Indonesia 2016

Descending

I look up

The bubbles carry my thoughts back up

The light softens to give me space to be with myself

It’s only until that I am with myself

That I empty the air a bit more

I go a little deeper

The magic is to begin

(to be continued)

#depression #mentalhealth

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