I originally written this article in English. After obtaining the preliminary Chinese translation from Deepseek, I personally refined the content with localized adaptations to bridge cultural differences between Eastern and Western perspectives, and to accommodate varying levels of psychological knowledge among readers. 本文原文我用英文撰写，中文翻译经由Deepseek完成初译后，我基于中西方文化差异和读者心理学知识背景的不同，对译文进行了细致的本地化调整和内容优化。 Author: Xiaojie Qin 2025 作者：秦小杰2025 I first learned about black-and-white thinking in the early 2010s while studying psychology—and to my surprise, I realized it was how I’d been operating for years. That was just the beginning of discovering how many cognitive distortions I’d been blind to. If I admired a supervisor, I’d feel quite uncomfortable about any criticism of them, even when it made sense. In my 20s, my self-judgment swung between extremes: one day I was ‘brilliant,’ the next a ‘total loser.’ Life felt like sailing a shaky boat on an unpredictable ocean. I was at the mercy of the weather, never knowing when the next wave might wipe me out on bad days. I wish I’d known about this earlier; it could have spared me years of disorientation and fear. 2010年代初接触心理学时，我第一次认识到'非黑即白'的思维模式——震惊地发现这竟是我多年的心理惯性。而这只是觉察众多认知扭曲的开始。当我敬重某位前辈时，听到对他们的批评就像眼里进了沙子，明明知道该审视却总自然的抛之脑后；二十多岁时，我的自我评价总在沾沾自喜的'做得不错'和自惭形秽的'彻底搞砸了'之间剧烈摇摆。那时的生活就像乘着小舟漂在海上，晴雨无常。我对风浪毫无把握，每次天气带强风就害怕自己会被打翻，因为根本不知道该如何应对。要是能早点接触心理学或者是心理咨询，或许就不会在迷惘不安中度过最青春的那十年。 Discovering cognitive distortions introduced me to Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and gave me something revolutionary: a framework to analyze how my mind operates. That space let me observe, question my assumptions, and slowly change. When applying for my master's degree, I naturally favored programs that taught CBT as a core modality - which led me to choose Monash University's Master of Counselling. By the time I became a therapist, CBT felt like second nature. It was the cornerstone of my graduate training in counseling, and I’d also lived its transformative potential. 认知扭曲的发现，为我打开了认知行为疗法（CBT）的大门，更带来我成长的革命性的改变：一个解析自己思维运作的框架。这个视角让我能够观察自己的思维，质疑那些根深蒂固的思维模式，并逐步实现改变。申请硕士项目时，我本能地倾向以CBT为核心课程的院校——这最终指引我选择了蒙纳士大学的心理咨询硕士项目。当我开始作为心理咨询师接待来访时，CBT已如同我的第二本能。它不仅是我专业训练的根基，我亲身经历过它的蜕变力量。 CBT’s signature strength lies in its framework for understanding cognition. With therapy newcomers, I’d watch their faces light up when recognizing distortions like ‘mind-reading’ or ‘emotional reasoning’ for the first time—that moment of ‘Wait, just because I feel like a failure doesn’t mean I am one.’ Some of my clients have shared struggles, commonly with overwhelm, constant distraction, and deep frustration with their rumination. In our sessions, we worked on distinguishing between what feels urgent versus what’s truly important—a breakthrough realization. Our brains often confuse intensity with importance. CBT helps us understand thinking in two ways: sideways and depth-wise. The "Cognitive Triad" looks at thoughts sideways across three gears—how we see Self ("I’m in danger"), World ("They want to hurt me"), and the Future ("I might not survive"). In real sessions, these aren’t dry concepts but vivid stories clients share through tears or fear, sometimes filling an entire session. Then there’s the depth view: thoughts stack like a staircase. At the top are automatic reactions ("They’ll reject me"), deeper down are life rules that drive actions ("Why try when I might fail?" pushing us to overwork or avoid), and at the bottom lie core beliefs ("I’m unworthy") that color everything. As I’ve grown as a therapist, I now recognize recurring patterns much faster—when clients return with a same same but different story, I can pinpoint the roots of their struggle with increasing precision. It’s like the difference between a novice and expert physiotherapist: Where a junior might focus on the aching knee (the presenting symptom), an advanced practitioner traces the pain to an old foot injury (the core issue)—the real culprit behind the misaligned knee and strained pelvis (and yes—as a long-term yoga practitioner and teacher , I am fascinated by the human skeletal and muscular structure.). Treatment begins at the source. This sharpened vision lets me formulate cases and craft treatment plans not just increasingly more accurately, but efficiently. 认知行为疗法（CBT）最打动我的地方，是它总能带来那些"啊哈时刻"，这都基于疗法提供了认知理解的框架。——当来访者第一次意识到"原来我一直在读心术（揣测别人的想法）"，或者发现"我把情绪当事实"时，他们眼睛突然亮起来的那个瞬间，就像有人突然对你说："等等，觉得失败不代表真的失败啊！"很多来找我咨询的人都描述过类似的困扰：脑子里像有十个频道在同时播放，明明没做什么却累得像被掏空，总是控制不住反复想同一件事，越想越烦躁。在咨询室里，当我们一起练习分辨"看似紧急"和"真正重要"的区别时，总会有这样的神奇时刻——来访者突然意识到："原来我一直自动把情绪强烈的事情当作最重要的事"。我能清晰地看到，对面那个原本紧绷的身体渐渐舒展开来，眉头不再紧锁，呼吸也慢慢沉到了腹部。 认知行为疗法（CBT）从两个维度帮助我们理解思维：横向和纵向。"认知三角"横向审视我们对自我（"我很危险"）、世界（"他们想伤害我"）和未来（"我可能活不下去"）的看法。在实际咨询中，这些并非枯燥的理论，而是来访者含着眼泪或带着恐惧讲述的真实故事，有时候故事讲述会占据整个咨询时段。而纵向来看，思维就像层层堆叠的阶梯：最表层是自动反应（"他们会拒绝我"），更深层是驱动行为的生活准则及中间信念（"既然可能会失败，何必尝试？"这种念头让人过度工作或逃避），最底层则是影响一切的核心理念（"我不配"）。 随着咨询经验的积累，我现在能更快识别那些反复出现的模式——当来访者带着"相同却又不同"的故事回来时，像一个外科手术大夫一样，我能更精准定位问题的根源。这就像新手与资深理疗师的区别：新手可能只盯着疼痛的膝盖（表症），而行家却能追溯到陈年的足部旧伤（核心问题）——这才是导致膝关节错位和骨盆紧张的真正元凶（没错，我也是一个 瑜伽习练者 ， 每周都会教一节瑜伽课，我对人体骨骼肌肉结构有着执着的痴迷）。心理咨询必须从源头着手。这种日益敏锐的洞察力，让我制定的个案概念化和治疗方案不仅越来越精准，而且高效。 To me, this mirrors the psychoanalytic concept of consciousness and unconsciousness—just framed in CBT terms. The more I explore different therapy modalities, the more I notice their profound interconnections. What fascinates me most are these points of convergence, which vividly reaffirm the Daoist wisdom I've always embraced. But that’s a story for another chapter, on my increasingly integrated approach in my therapy practice. 对我而言，这恰似精神分析中"意识与潜意识"的概念——只是用CBT的术语重新诠释。当我越深入探索不同疗法流派，就越能发现它们之间深刻的共通之处。而最吸引我的正是这些交融点，它们再次印证了我一直认同的道家智慧。在之后的章节中，我会讲到，在我的咨询方式和技术上，我是如何逐渐向整合方式上转变的。 Zooming out from cognition, CBT’s full framework has a playful nickname: the ‘hot cross bun’ model. It maps the interplay between thoughts, behaviors, physical sensations, and emotions—often analyzed within a specific life situation or those seemingly inescapable, debilitating patterns we all know too well. Looking back, I now see CBT’s distinctly analytical flavor—something I couldn’t articulate when I barely knew other modalities as a newbie therapist. No wonder it resonated with me. My mind has always operated analytically: from excelling in math and science during my school years, to earning my first master's in Development Evaluation and Management at the University of Antwerp, to applying those skills as a monitoring and evaluation specialist in an international NGO. These experiences systematically sharpened my analytical abilities and problem-solving frameworks—both professionally and in life. When I became a therapist, I defaulted to what I knew best: giving people concrete elements to examine, reflect on, and change. There’s comfort in that tangibility—in a framework that makes the abstract feel ‘usable.’ 认知在CBT的框架中，只是其中的一个模块。当我们用无人机般的全景视角来观察CBT时，会发现其完整框架包含四个基本模块：思想、行为、躯体感受和情绪——这个组合有个可爱的昵称，叫"热十字面包"模型（在西方文化中，"热十字面包"（hot cross bun）是复活节传统食品，面包表面的十字象征基督教信仰；而在CBT中，这个十字形象地分割出四个相互作用的心理模块。）更重要的是，我们要关注这些模块之间动态的相互作用关系。常常会发现，当我们"头脑发热"时，其实是特定生活情境激活了我们早已形成、却未被觉察的那些令人疲惫的顽固模式。回望过去，如今我能清晰辨识CBT鲜明的分析特质——而当年作为一个新手咨询师，对别的流派了解很少的我是审视不到的。难怪它如此契合我的思维模式：学生时代数理成绩名列前茅，第一个硕士在安特卫普大学攻读发展与评估。随后，归国后多年在国际发展组织从事项目监测和评估的工作，大量参与系统构建分析与数据剖析的工作，这些精力又进一步加强了我这样的认知偏好和能力。 因此当我成为心理咨询师时，很自然地选择了自己最熟悉的工作方式：为来访者提供具体的认知要素供他们检验、反思和改变。当抽象的心理活动信息被装进清晰的框架里，改变就变得触手可及，至少在理论层面。 (I look at this with pride indeed. full score on ‘working with data’. I was nerdy, and still I am. 我第一个硕士学位的成绩单，只要跟数据相关的成绩，都拿了高分，包括‘和数据工作’的这个单元拿了💯，骄傲不骄傲) CBT comes with ‘homework’. Unless there’s a good reason not to, I almost always assign it. Some homework is experimental—like gathering data for our next session. Others focus on practicing new skills, or working toward concrete goals (e.g., ‘stop working after 8pm’ for a recovering ‘workaholic’). It could be journaling, organizing therapy notes into a resource list, watching a documentary that I recommend to them, or even taking a walk in the evening 3 times a week without the phone. Of course, assigning homework isn't as straightforward as it seems. There's real art to it - how specific should the task be? What type actually fits this particular client? How do we frame the discussion around it? What happens when a client wants to focus on one thing, but I believe something else would serve them better? And how do we handle it when homework doesn't get done? Even what we call it matters - 'homework' might work for some clients, while others respond better to 'between-session exercises'. At its core though, when done right, these between-session tasks become the engine that moves therapy forward - even though our relationship exists almost entirely within those four walls of the therapy room, well, or on the four corners of our computer screen. One brilliant teen client adored their journaling homework that unpacks triggering moments. She’d return with detailed ‘hot-cross-bun’ style entries, eager to read them aloud before I could even ask. I’d probe for missing details, highlight patterns, and eventually we named her ‘protective parts’ (this is not a CBT term, but commonly used in Internal Family System, which I’ll explain in my other chapters)—like Iron Curtain and White Tiger, each with their own strengths and purposes. Through these discoveries, we could work directly with The Iron Curtain, that descends like a mute barrier, and the White Tiger, all claws and no softness. CBT会布置"作业"。除非特殊情况，我基本都会安排。这些作业可能是：记录情绪为下次咨询准备素材，练习新学的技巧，或是完成具体目标（比如让工作狂"晚上8点后不工作"）。也可能是写日记、整理咨询笔记、看我推荐的纪录片，或者每周三次不带手机散步。 当然，布置作业可没那么简单。这里头很有讲究：任务要具体到什么程度？哪种类型最适合这位来访？怎么讨论作业内容？当来访想练A，我却觉得B更有效时怎么办？作业没完成又该如何处理？就连称呼也有门道——有人适合叫"作业"，有人更喜欢"心理练习"。 说到底，只要安排得当，这些课后任务就能成为推动咨询进展的"发动机"——尽管我们的咨访关系基本只存在于咨询室的四壁之间，或是2020年代的电脑屏幕的方寸之地。 总有那么几个来访特别喜欢作业，我有一个就读北京某国际学校的青少年来访者，格外钟情于日记作业，记录下自己心情点被触发时的事情和心里活动过。她总会带着详实的「热十字面包」式的记录来到咨询室，还没等我开口就迫不及待地朗读。我会引导她补充遗漏的细节，梳理其中的模式，后来我们甚至为她的「防御部分」命名(此处使用的"部分(parts)"概念虽非CBT术语，而是内在家庭系统疗法(IFS)的核心理念，关于这套体系我将在后续章节详细展开)——比如「铁幕」象征突然的沉默屏障，「白虎」代表只有锋芒没有柔情的状态。 Beyond its proven effectiveness, CBT’s popularity stems from its short-term, cost-efficient structure—making it a preferred choice for governments and healthcare systems worldwide. National programs like the UK’s NHS Talking Therapies and Canada’s Ontario Structured Psychotherapy Program actively promote CBT for mild-to-moderate conditions, citing its rapid symptom relief and high return on investment. Employers and insurers also favor it: Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs) typically cover only 3–18 sessions per year, and hospitals under national health plans or premium insurance often reimburse just brief therapy. (reviewed and heavily edited with evidence by DeepSeek) Over coffee in Beijing, a friend who runs a counseling company for Chinese students abroad mentioned she strongly prefers working with CBT-trained therapists over psychoanalytic practitioners—primarily because of CBT’s short-term effectiveness. 认知行为治疗在国际上的通用程度很高，在国内的应用程度也越来越广。除实证疗效外，CBT的流行还得益于其短程、经济的特点——这使其成为全球医疗体系的首选方案。英国"NHS谈话疗法"、加拿大"安大略结构化心理治疗项目"等国家级计划都积极推广CBT用于轻中度症状，正是看中其见效快、投入产出比高的优势。雇主与保险公司也青睐这种模式：员工援助计划（EAP）通常每年只覆盖3-18次咨询，而医保体系下的医院或高端保险也倾向报销短程治疗。（这个部分我的原文经DeepSeek核查证据并深度编辑）在北京，有次我和一位朋友喝咖啡时聊到——她经营着一家为海外中国留学生提供心理咨询服务的公司——她说自己更倾向与接受过CBT培训的咨询师合作，而非精神分析流派的治疗师，正是因为CBT短期就能见效的特点。 While CBT has helped many clients, I quickly discovered its limitations - and my own growing edges as a therapist. That's the beautiful challenge of our work: you never know which approach will resonate with each unique person who walks through your door. I first became aware of CBT’s distinctive style when several clients—particularly Chinese clients—commented on how much more structured my sessions felt compared to their previous therapy experiences, which seem to be primarily psychoanalytic or person-centered. The responses to my CBT-oriented approach varied dramatically. Some clients flourished with the clear framework, experiencing breakthroughs in self-awareness and meaningful change. Others found it constricting - I remember sessions where the tension was palpable as we struggled between my instinct to be guided by the structure and their need for open exploration. CBT确实帮到了不少来访者，但我也很快发现了它的局限——以及我自己作为心理咨询师需要成长空间。这份工作的美妙之处就在于此：你永远不知道下一个推门进来的独特个体，会更适合哪种咨询手法。 最早让我意识到CBT特质的，是来访者的反馈。我会不定期的跟来访探讨我们咨询的方向、节奏和方式，这能让我更好的及时调整咨询方案、达到最佳效果。在我咨询的初期，好些来访，特别是部分中国来访，不约而同提到，我的咨询比起他们之前的咨询体验"框架感强得多"，经过一些简单的了解，我大致的推论是之前的咨询师多为精神分析或者是人本主义疗法方向的。 对这种结构化的工作方式，来访者的反应天差地别：有人在这种清晰的框架下如鱼得水，获得了觉察和改变；也有些来访者会感到被束缚——我清楚地记得那些充满张力的时刻：当来访者沉浸在漫无目的的叙述中，而我的结构化咨询框架要求我温和地引导他们聚焦或转换话题时，有些人的挫败感会瞬间爆发。这种干预有时会引发强烈的情绪反应，甚至暂时动摇我们的治疗联盟，曾经也有人再也没有回来咨询。 Those moments forced me to reflect: Was this CBT’s limitation, or mine? The truth is, while CBT provides invaluable structure, rigidly adhering to it (or any modality) risks missing the person in front of you. It’s a therapist’s trap—one I am learning to navigate by balancing frameworks with attunement, and it’s a long life process. A more profound limitation emerged: cognitive insight alone doesn’t guarantee behavior change. Like a surgeon, I learned that even the sharpest tools have their limits. Early in my career, I’d watch clients master CBT’s ‘mental anatomy’—mapping thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with precision—yet still struggle to act differently. Therapy, like surgery, demands the right tool for each layer of the work. A scalpel (CBT) might expose the problem, but sometimes you need forceps (EMDR) to lift emotional blockages, or sutures (IFS) to mend deeper patterns. No single instrument does it all. Those plateaus push me to learn other modalities, and taught me to adapt—switching tools even mid-session when the mind’s ‘tissue’ required a different approach. 这些咨询实战的困难让我不断思考：问题到底出在CBT本身，还是我的使用方式？虽然CBT的结构化框架很有价值，但如果死板地套用（不管什么疗法），反而会让咨询师和来访者之间失去联结感——就像两个人明明面对面坐着，却像隔着一堵玻璃墙在交流。这是很多咨询师都会遇到的职业挑战，而我的日积月累的咨询经验，让我平衡好两个相互牵拉的力量：既要保持专业框架，又要保持对来访当下状态和需求的敏感，这需要终身的修炼。 随着咨询经验增加，我逐渐认识到CBT更深层的局限：认知上的领悟并不必然带来行为改变。就像外科医生最锋利的手术刀也有力所不及之时，我目睹过太多来访者进阶到可以精准分析自己的"心理构造"——理清想法、情绪和行为之间的关联，却依然难以真正改变行动模式。 心理咨询和外科手术有些雷同，需要针对不同"心理层面"选择合适的工具。认知行为疗法（CBT）如同手术刀，能精准剖析问题；但有时需要眼动治疗（EMDR）这样的镊子，才能移除情绪淤堵；或者需要内在家庭系统疗法（IFS）这样的缝合线，来修复深层的行为模式。没有任何一种工具能解决所有问题——正是这些咨询瓶颈促使我学习其他咨询流派，教会我灵活转换疗法，当来访者的"心理组织"需要不同干预方式时，及时调整心理咨询方案和策略。 What might be the hardest challenge for any therapist: defining a therapy modality simply yet accurately. I turned to Deepseek for help distilling CBT’s essence— 对任何咨询师来说，最棘手的挑战莫过于：如何既简洁又准确地定义一种疗法。于是我向Deepseek求助，希望它能帮我提炼CBT的精髓—— Disclaimer:   I worked with Deepseek for three purposes: 1) editorial role: to refine this article - improving grammar, clarifying ideas, and smoothing the flow - while carefully preserving my personal voice, therapeutic perspective, and original intent. All therapeutic insights and opinions remain my own. 2). to double check facts regarding CBT’s application in the world 3) translate my writing from English to Chinese. Case examples in this work are either generically described scenarios without representing any single client, or real client case shared with their consent. These reflections represent generalized therapeutic observations. 特别声明： 1. 这篇文章在撰写过程中，使用了Deepseek，仅限于三个层面：1）编辑润色：对文章进行语法优化、观点澄清及行文流畅性调整，但严格保留我的个人风格、专业理念与核心观点。所有心理咨询见解与立场均出自本人；2）核实CBT在全球应用情况的相关事实；3）完成英文至中文的文本初步翻译。 2. 文中案例均为去标识化处理后的通用共性描述，内容仅代表普遍性心理咨询实操反思，或来访以授权于我的真实案例分享。

In 2024, I launched a six-month partial pro-bono bereavement counseling project dedicated to supporting those deeply grieving the loss of a loved one. Among the first round of clients were family members bereaved by suicide, young adults mourning the passing of grandparents, and young people coping with the death of parents.   Grief counseling is never easy—especially when confronting the complex sorrow brought by suicide. The unspoken guilt and the pain stigmatized by society often require a more professional space to be held. Just as I was hesitating whether to continue, a compassionate individual who also focuses on suicide prevention and postvention support offered partial funding. This allyship gave me the strength to decide:  from June 1 to December 31, 2025, I will open a second round of one-on-one grief counseling  for those experiencing loss (including suicide bereavement).  If you or someone you know is struggling with such a loss, please remember: Here, no topic is taboo—only understanding exists. Xiaojie Qin 2024年，我启动了一项为期半年的半公益哀伤辅导项目，专门支持那些因丧挚爱而深陷痛苦的群体。在第一轮的来访者中，有经历家人自杀离世的遗属，有失去祖辈的年轻人，也有失去父母的青年人。   哀悼咨询从来不是轻松的工作——尤其是当面对自杀带来的复杂性哀伤时，那些未说出口的愧疚、被社会污名化的痛苦，往往需要更专业的容器来承载。当我犹豫是否要继续时，一位同样关注自杀预防与后事支持的热心人士提供了部分资助。这份来自同盟者的力量，促使我决定：2025年6月1日至12月31日，将开启第二轮针对丧失（含自杀离世）的个体哀伤咨询。   如果您或您认识的人正因此类丧失而挣扎，请记住：这里的谈话没有禁忌，只有理解。  秦小杰 Details: The round of psychotherapy is partly finaced by a warmed-hearted contributer, and partly by therapist’s reduction of the therapy fee. Number: 2 spots / every three months for half a year Rate: 400rmb/session for 8 sessions in total. Any further continuation will be full price Eligibility: For those who have lost someone, including pets, in the past 6 months. Loss could be natural death, death of accidents, death by suicide and etc. For those who (may) experience prolonged grief disorder. (see below) 1 spot is reserved for Chinese national only Language: English or Chinese, or a mixture of both Income: priorities given to those with monthly income less than 15000rmb. if you have employment benefits includes therapy services, you are encouraged to use those services first. Therapist profile: click on  Xiaojie Qin , Psychotherapist, and Director of CandleX Inquiries or booking: xiaojieqin2020@163.com 详情： 此心理咨询为低价公益心理咨询，由匿名资助者以及咨询师减免部分咨询费得意启动。有效期：自2025年6月1日至2025年12月31日。 名额：每三个月放出2个名额，为期半年，共4个名额（其中一个指定预留给中国人） 费用：总共8次，每次咨询400元人民币（50分钟） 适用人群： 过去6个月内失去亲人（包括宠物）的人士，无论是自然死亡、意外死亡等。 （可能）经历延长哀伤障碍的人士（ 延长哀伤障碍科普 ，请见此文）。   优先考虑月收入低于15000元人民币的人士。如果您的就业福利包括心理咨询服务，建议您首先使用这些服务。 语言：英语或中文，或两者混合使用。 咨询师简介：秦小杰，心理咨询师，CandleX创始人及总监。详情请点击名字查看 咨询或预约：xiaojieqin2020@163.com

作者Author：秦小杰 Xiaojie Qin 编辑/翻译Editor and Translator：Deepseek 中翻英Chinese to English 时间Date： 2025年6月15日 持之以恒的童心未眠 他很喜欢玩具。有一年春节，我回到家，爸妈神秘兮兮地让我进房间，说有惊喜。我按他们的指令数"一二三"走出客厅，只见一排玩具正在欢迎我回家——有的咚咚打鼓，有的欢快跳舞，还有小汽车嗖嗖地往前跑，热闹极了。老爸站在旁边，脸上挂着得意的笑容。 还有一次回老家，我已经睡下了，屋里黑漆漆的。他突然推门进来，手里举着会发光的电子棒，还递给我一根。我们就在黑暗中比划起来，虽然没看过《星球大战》，但那种你来我往的感觉，倒像是场君子之间的较量。 平时和妈妈视频时，他总爱凑到镜头前炫耀新玩具。记得有次是把手枪玩具，一按就会闪光发声，如果是在80年代，绝对是高级货！直到现在，他还是会被路边的小玩具吸引。 他的这份忠于快乐的心，被我继承了，在探索这个世界和人生的过程中，我也发现了自己的‘小玩具’，无论是瑜伽冥想、还是柔术、舞蹈、潜水或是唱歌，还有因为时间不够不得不放弃的即兴话剧。 我老汉儿还有一个习惯，饭后百步。每天他晚饭后都要出去走一圈，我就记得，我老爸总是嫌我妈出门慢，经常催她，有时候等的烦了，他就自己先走了，我妈再赶紧跟上。几十年如一日。 直到此刻，我才惊奇的发现，我在很多爱好上的不费意志的持之以恒，跟老汉儿饭后转路习惯一样，都很好的融入在我日常中，我知道对一些人来讲，这个特别难，每当被人问道我是怎么做到的，我其实没发回答，因为非常顺其自然的，难道有持之以恒的这么一个基因？！ The term 'laohan'er' (老汉儿) means 'father' in Sichuan dialect. Like 'old man' but endearing, it reflects Sichuan's blunt yet warm familial humor. An Everlasting Childlike Heart He’s always loved toys. One Lunar New Year, I came home, and my parents mysteriously ushered me into my room, saying they had a surprise. Counting to three as instructed, I stepped into the living room to find a row of toys welcoming me home—some drumming away, others dancing cheerfully, and little cars zooming forward. The scene was lively, and Dad stood by the side, wearing a triumphant grin. Another time back in my hometown, I had already gone to bed, and the room was pitch black. Suddenly, he pushed the door open, holding a glowing lightsaber—and handed me one too. We dueled in the dark, and though I’d never seen Star Wars, the back-and-forth felt like a gentleman’s duel. Even during video calls with Mom, he’d always squeeze into the frame to show off his newest toy. I remember one time it was a toy gun that lit up and made noise with every press—in the '80s, that would’ve been top-tier! To this day, he still gets drawn in by little trinkets on the street. That same devotion to joy lives on in me. Along my journey of exploring the world and life, I’ve found my own "toys"—whether it’s yoga, meditation, jiu-jitsu, dancing, diving, singing, or even improv theater (which I had to drop for lack of time). My laohan’er also has this habit: a hundred steps after meals. Every evening, without fail, he’d take a walk after dinner. I remember how he’d always complain about Mom being too slow to get ready, sometimes growing impatient and setting off alone, leaving her to hurry after him. Decades passed like this. Only now do I realize with surprise that my effortless persistence in so many hobbies mirrors his daily post-dinner walks—seamlessly woven into my life. I know for some, this kind of discipline is hard. When people ask how I manage it, I never know what to say, because it just comes naturally. Could there really be a "perseverance gene"? 甩手掌柜？不，是全能管家 有一次，老汉儿因为‘投资’失误，好多年被取消了家里的财政管理权。从那以后，他的收入都上交给了以我妈为核心的"中央财政"，连个小金库都没留下。这倒很符合我们四川"老子数到三"的家庭特色。在我们家，确实有点"女权社会"的意思。我妈在管家和教我这两件事上，既有主见又很民主。老汉儿聪明地选择了当甩手掌柜，乐得清闲，每天吃好睡好，还能腾出精力买玩具玩。    不过，这可不代表老汉儿在家没地位。他可是撑起了家里大半边天——饭都是他做的，因为我妈确实不擅长；扫地拖地也是他的活儿，每天雷打不动，这习惯是从我爷爷奶奶那儿传下来的。   说到老汉儿做饭，那可真是门技术活。我们家两个女人——我妈和我，一个比一个挑嘴。我妈一点葱蒜都不沾，要知道这在川菜里可是标配！所以老汉儿经常得做两种版本。而我从小不吃肥肉，小时候他们总是把肥肉咬掉再喂我。记得高中时，我和闺蜜在学校吃包子，我觉得馅太肥，就把馅给她，自己啃皮子。后来长大了，当然不肯吃爸妈咬过的东西，老汉儿就更费心了——切瘦肉、灌香肠，我家的香肠瘦得都不流油，就为让我多吃两口。  不过，"餐厅总监"也有特权，比如他爱的稀饭。以前我以为全国人民晚饭都喝稀饭，离家上学才知道，这是咱老秦家的特色。就靠着老汉儿日复一日的耐心张罗，硬是把挑嘴的我养到了18岁。如今他们老两口的饭还是他做，还经常拍照向我炫耀他的厨艺呢。 感谢老汉儿几十年如一日的细心照料。咱们中国家长不像西方人，把"我爱你"挂在嘴边。每次在机场告别时，我抱抱他，他还会有点不好意思地僵着身子。但老汉儿的爱啊，都藏在行动里——这样的爱，反而更深更实在。 Hands-Off Manager? No, the Ultimate Housekeeper There was that time when Laohan’er lost his household financial privileges for years due to an "investment misstep." From then on, his income went straight to the "Central Treasury" under Mom’s command—no secret stash allowed. Classic Sichuan-style family dynamics, where mom runs the show. Ours was practically a matriarchy: Mom ruled over domestic affairs and parenting with a mix of authority and democracy, while Laohan’er wisely embraced his role as the hands-off manager. Free of decision-making responsibilities, he ate well, slept soundly, and channeled his energy into having a good time. But don’t mistake his laid-back title for irrelevance—he held up half the sky at home. Cooking was his domain (Mom couldn’t boil water properly), and sweeping/mopping were his sacred daily rituals, a tradition passed down from my grandparents. His culinary skills were nothing short of heroic. With two picky women in the house—Mom, who boycotted all garlic and scallions (staples of Sichuan cuisine!), and me, the monstrous fat-hater—he juggled two versions of every dish. As a kid, I’d only eat lean meat, so my parents would bite off the fatty bits before feeding me. In high school, I’d give the fatty baozi fillings to friends while nibbling the skins. Later, refusing "pre-chewed" food, I unwittingly escalated Laohan’er’s mission: custom-cut lean meat, ultra-dry sausages (no oily drips!), all to coax a few extra bites from me. Yet the "Kitchen Director" had perks too—like his beloved congee. I grew up thinking the whole nation ate congee for dinner until college revealed it was a Qin-family quirk. Day after day, his patience turned our finicky tastes into meals, sustaining me until adulthood. Even now, he cooks for their empty nest, proudly texting me food photos. Thank you, Laohan’er, for decades of meticulous care. Chinese parents don’t say "I love you" like Westerners do. At airport goodbyes, he’d stiffen awkwardly when I hugged him. But his love? Woven into every action—deeper and truer than words. 喷嚏就得大声，做自己不如超越自己 老汉儿是个特别懂得自得的人，这种自在是从骨子里透出来的，再加上他天生的表演型人格，整个人都活得很带劲。   就拿打喷嚏这事来说吧，直到现在，我的喷嚏声都远超社交场合的得体范围——算了，不装了，简直就是扰民级别。这都得从老汉儿的神奇育儿经说起。记得他总爱把我拉到阳台上，推开窗户，自己先大吼一声，然后让我跟着吼。要是我的声音不够大，他就会说："要有底气！吼到能听见回音才算数！"我就铆足劲再吼，等到声音撞到对面楼又弹回来，老汉儿就竖起大拇指连声夸："要得要得！"   在家打喷嚏也是这个路数。他打得那叫一个尽兴——胸腔猛地收缩，全身跟着抖，脸皱成个包子，再"阿嚏"一声完全释放，从不憋着。打完还要得意地瞅着我们笑，活像刚打了场胜仗。我从小耳濡目染，把这套学了个十成十。等到长大才反应过来：这么自由的喷嚏，在外头是不是不太合适？可惜为时已晚。现在每次憋喷嚏都难受得要命，顶多能用胳膊肘挡挡，其他啥也改不了——包括那个打完喷嚏后不自觉露出的胜利笑容。 Loud Sneezes & Living Louder: Why Be Yourself When You Can Outdo Yourself? My laohan'er is a man utterly at ease with himself—a trait baked into his bones, amplified by his natural flair for the dramatic. He lives life at full volume. Take sneezing, for instance. To this day, my sneezes violate all social norms of decorum—hell, let's be honest, they're downright seismic. I owe this entirely to laohan'er's unique parenting style. He'd drag me onto the balcony, throw open the windows, and roar at the top of his lungs—modeling the correct way to do it. "Put some soul into it!" he'd bark if I faltered. "I wanna hear that echo!" So I'd summon my mightiest yell, waiting for the sound to bounce off the apartment block across the street. Only then would he flash a thumbs-up: "Now that's how it's done!" His sneezes followed the same philosophy. A full-body production: chest convulsing, frame shuddering, face crumpling like a steamed bun before the grand finale—an unfiltered "ACHOO!" that shook the walls. Post-sneeze, he'd beam at us like a prizefighter who'd just KO'd an opponent. I absorbed this technique wholesale. It wasn't until adulthood that I questioned whether such liberated sneezing belonged in polite society. By then, the damage was done. These days, suppressing a sneeze feels like suffocation; the best I can manage is burying it in my elbow. But one thing remains untamed—that involuntary victory grin after every explosion. 狂野派养育法则 "规矩？养孩子还要规矩？怎么开心怎么来呗！"——这大概就是我爸的育儿哲学。 作为独生女，我在我爸眼里倒不是什么贴心小棉袄，更像是个现成的小玩伴。那时候家里哪有什么育儿手册，也不讲究什么科学养育。现在回想起来，他就是很自然地把我当成个独立的小人儿相处，虽然有些操作搁现在肯定得被教育专家们说成"反面教材"。 比如喝酒这事。爸妈吃饭时偶尔会喝点啤酒白酒，我爸在厨房忙活的时候，常让我帮着摆碗筷、倒酒。记得饭桌上他总逗我："想尝尝不？就抿一小口。"这要放在国外，估计够得上"儿童福利干预"的标准了。我至今记得白酒辣嗓子、啤酒泛苦的滋味，实在想不通大人们为什么爱喝，至今我也不喝白酒、啤酒。 其实人本来就不天生爱酒味，小时候尝过了，反倒没了那种禁忌的诱惑。不光我家这样，我觉得八九十年代很多中国家庭都这样带孩子。至少我上学时，身边从没有同学有酗酒问题。后来做青少年心理咨询时，才发现这和西方青少年酗酒严重的情况形成鲜明对比。 Parenting, Unfiltered: The Wild Rules "Rules? Who needs rules for raising kids? Just have fun with them!" That pretty much sums up my dad's unconventional parenting philosophy. As an only daughter, I was more like a ready-made playmate than daddy's little princess in his eyes. Our household had no manuals—this was long before the days of positive discipline or evidence-based parenting. Looking back, he simply treated me as an autonomous little human, though some of his methods might give modern parenting experts a heart attack. Take alcohol, for instance. My parents would occasionally enjoy beer or baijiu with meals. While busy cooking, Dad would have me set the table or pour drinks. I vividly remember him asking at dinner, "Wanna try a sip? Just a tiny one." In Western countries, this kind of "parenting hack" might land you in hot water. To me, baijiu burned like fire and beer tasted foul—I couldn't fathom why adults enjoyed this stuff. Here's the thing: by taking away the forbidden fruit allure early on, he removed the mystique around alcohol. This wasn't just my family's approach—I'd argue most Chinese parents in the 80s operated similarly. None of my school friends grew up with drinking problems, whereas teenage alcoholism remains a serious issue in the West. The contrast became especially clear during my work with teens from both east and west. 今天是父亲节，我特别庆幸自己有个这么实在、幽默又真性情的老汉儿。他那些朴实的特质，在不知不觉中就成了我生命里最宝贵的财富。感谢老汉儿几十年如一日的付出，祝全世界最巴适的老汉儿节日快乐。 Today on Father's Day, I feel incredibly lucky to have a dad who's so genuine, humorous, and unapologetically real. Those simple yet profound qualities of his have quietly become the most treasured gifts in my life. Thank you, Laohan'er, for your decades of steadfast devotion. To the most  bay shir  (comfortably awesome) dad in the whole world - Happy Father's Day!

Author: Cecilia (Pseudonym) Date: April 2025 From the last nerve-wrecking hours in a New Orleans hotel room with him, the image that has vividly remained with me is that of the young policewoman who was waiting for me downstairs when the old, clanky elevator doors opened. She was on her way to my room, after the guest had heard my cries for help and had called for police enforcement.  “Help, my husband is verbally and physically assaulting me”, I panted as soon as I saw her. “I just need my passport, I just want to go”, I pleaded, short of breath. When I hurriedly left the room, I didn’t take any money or credit cards with me and my phone’s battery was running low. It was not in my plans to end my Christmas vacation in the way I did and I was frantically looking for a way to get to the airport and reunite with my brother, who lived in a different state. She looked at me quietly, making sure I was not hurt. Then she turned around and got on the elevator, ready to fetch the passport that my husband was withholding and that prevented me from leaving him. When the elevator doors opened after what seemed like an eternity and she stretched out her hand to return my passport, she not only handed me an identity card - but she also handed me a release form, setting me free from him and his abusive manners. On that cold January morning, I ended a twelve-year relationship that was marked by love but also by control. It was not the first time I thought about leaving him, as it was not the first time he assaulted me. As I got in a taxi and headed to the airport to reunite with my brother, my long recovery journey from this co-dependent, abusive relationship began. I had hidden from my family the years and years of abuse, certain that I could always fix what was wrong between my husband and me and that sharing with them would only worry them unnecessarily. It was no surprise that my brother and his wife were waiting for me at the airport with a baffled look and many questions. We stopped at a coffee shop on our way to their place, and sitting across from them I finally shared what was a secret to everyone: I was a victim of domestic abuse. It was the first time I said it out loud, but I was hesitant about the validity of that claim. I mean, surely there were women who had it worse, right? Yes, he had slapped me and shoved me, but it wasn’t that bad. I didn’t have bruises or scars. My brother, a paralegal, shook his head firmly and my sister-in-law, a nurse, interrupted me before I could finish my sharing. “It doesn’t matter if he didn’t leave a bruise… he should NEVER hit you.” I lowered my head in shame and fumbled with my hands. I was sure she was right but my coping mechanism of minimizing and justifying the abuse kicked in. That is how I had been able to stay with my husband all this time and endure his abuse. Since I first met who would later become my husband, we engaged in an unhealthy, dysfunctional dynamic. He would criticize my appearance, question my behavior, censor my words, and invalidate my feelings. As a result, I felt very inadequate and anguished when he shamed me so I would apologize for whatever he thought I had done wrong and would try harder to please him. I spent a lot of time in my head, strategizing and figuring out ways to make him happy again, abandoning my own needs and wants. To make things worse, he would have unpredictable mood swings that would leave me shaken. He once dangerously chased me during a road rage episode, after we both left a friend’s wedding. That time, I had to stop at a police station to ask for help. Still, I listened to his accusations the following day and assumed that I had done -again- something wrong to upset him. I forgave him and gave our relationship another chance. My  recovery was slow, sometimes chaotic. After the incident in New Orleans,  I returned to my host country with a small loan that my brother gave me and I was able to rent a small, windowless room from a lady I had never met but that came recommended. Little by little, I found my grounding.  I made friends who shared my interest in meditation and yoga and who have remained loyal: thanks to my job, I gained the economic stability on my own, which was once what I looked for in my marriage. I began to love myself with my lights and shadows and to take control of my life, demanding more respect and setting better boundaries. Several years later I took another plane, this time to a much more promising destination. I was no longer running away from anything or anyone but starting a new job in a country with a millenary culture. I did not end up penniless and living under a bridge like my ex-husband would threaten me with, but in the capital of the biggest economic power in Asia - Beijing. I just had to believe in myself and stop listening to those who were bent on my ruin. Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist and Director of CandleX I first met Cecilia in 2022 as her therapist in Project A’s group therapy program for women in abusive relationships ( A Snapshot of Project A’s Group Therapy | The Therapist’s View ). Witnessing the participants’ relief and recovery in that space was deeply moving, and I’ve been honored to continue supporting her one-on-one in the years since. Her journey—marked by resilience, self-discovery, and profound growth—has been nothing short of inspiring.  This article is the result of our collaborative work to bring her story forward, both as a healing process for her and as a beacon of hope for others who may feel trapped in similar circumstances. Cecilia’s strength, once hidden even to herself, is a testament to the transformative power of care and therapy. If you’re reading this while navigating the shadows of abuse, know this: the light you doubt today can, with time and support, guide you to a life you’ll cherish.  At CandleX, we believe in the power of storytelling to heal and connect. Through our  community writing  projects, we amplify the voices of Beijing’s expat members—one honest, courageous story at a time. Cecilia’s story, shared with her explicit consent and edited to protect her privacy, aligns with our mission to foster understanding and empowerment.   To every reader: may her words remind you that you are not alone, and your strength, too, is waiting to be claimed.

CandleX专为心理咨询师设计的同辈督导小组，旨在通过结构化讨论，提供安全、专业的案例支持与反思空间。第1轮已圆满结束，成员反馈 “深度受益于多元视角的碰撞” 和 “严谨而温暖的互助氛围”。！   第一轮小组团队成员反馈： “这里的氛围不像传统督导那么严肃，结构性较弱，但反而让人更放松。90分钟的时长既保证了案例讨论的深度，又留有空间延伸行业相关话题。大家既能专业聚焦，又能坦诚分享执业中的挑战时刻（比如针对现在出现的来访会在社交平台上公开咨询细节，一些人冒充咨询师在社交媒体上拼流量等）。这种‘既同行又同伴’的感觉，缓解了独立咨询师普遍的职业孤独感。” “组员来自不同流派（如CBT、人本、精神动力学等），对同一案例的反馈视角差异很大。这种多元性让讨论格外饱满，也让我接触到许多不同的技术思路。而某次关于‘是否要转介来访到医院就医’的讨论中，有组员分享了自己的意见，通过探讨，我们也在反思自己意见背后的思考，让每一次咨询不经意的细节都更加深思熟虑！” “组员背景多样——高校心理咨询师、独立执业者、国际学校/EAP项目从业者……每轮交流都能听到不同领域的现状。比如有人分享高校学生的常见议题，有人分析企业EAP的咨询次数限制以及来访动力差异。这些信息帮我更清晰地定位自己的执业方向，也看到了行业的全貌。” “在为期数周的督导小组中，跨领域、多流派的思维碰撞为我构筑了一幅立体的行业全景图，这种多元碰撞不仅让我在案例督导中突破单一流派局限，更透过不同执业场景的切片，窥见心理咨询在不同生态位中的生命力。而轻松却不失深度的讨论氛围，恰似专业同侪共建的“柔性容器”——90分钟里既有对案例的显微镜式推敲，也能自然延展至AI伦理、行业乱象等宏观议题。这种兼含专业锐度与人性温度的经验流动，既溶解了独立执业的孤独感，也让我带着更清晰的坐标与更开放的视角重返学校咨询室。” 基础设置 频率：2025年滚动招募，每两周1次  时间：周四 19:30-21:00（90分钟） 形式：线上腾讯会议（视频开启）   人数：3-4人/组（小团体保证充分参与）   轮次：每轮持续 6-8次（人数×2，稳定封闭式 费用：平均¥30/次，每轮开始前一次性支付（共¥180-240，用于小组运营开销以及组织者组织时间成本象征性收费，中途不能参加无退费）   附加：每轮结束后AA制聚餐（线下，北京）   报名要求（需满足全部） 1. 专业资质（满足其一即可，需审核）：   心理咨询相关：硕士学位；   国家心理咨询师或心理治疗师资格证书；   其他等效资质。   2. 执业经验： 当前正在接个案；   目前接受付费个体/团体督。   3. 语言能力：能流畅参与全中文讨论。   小组原则  专业专注：案例讨论严格遵循伦理，聚焦咨询技术与过程反思。   互助尊重：不评判、不指导，以好奇与共情态度反馈。   稳定承诺：报名即默认承诺全程参与，费用不退（缺席不影响小组照常进行）。   报名方式 1. 邮件：xiaojie.qin@candlex.cn；   2. 审核通过后支付费用，锁定席位；   3. 截止日期：名额有限，招满即止。   常见问题  Q：为何要求已有付费督导？   A：同辈督导是补充而非替代，确保成员具备基础受督经验，提升小组讨论质量。   Q：能否单次体验？   A：为保证深度联结，仅接受全程报名。   Q：案例如何选择？   A：每期由成员轮流提交，聚焦咨询中的具体挑战。   “独行速，众行远。” 期待与你一起，在专业道路上走得更稳、更远。   主办方：CandleX

On 15th March 2025 , CandleX joined FOEN (Future of Education Now) at West Academy Beijing, to talk about Teens’ Mental Health, specifically sharing program experience on one of CandleX’s signature project,  Teens Empowerment Project . This event was a close circle joined by students traveled all the way from Australia, and teachers from WAB and other schools. This event was a 60 minutes cross-interview between  Xiaojie , psychotherapist and director of CandleX, and Xiaojie’s mentee for 2024,  Katie Lai , a G12 teenager that is based in Hongkong China, and was the most recent participant of Teens Empowerment Project.

作者： 秦小杰 日期：2025年4月5日 Xiaojie Qin April 5, 2025 清明节 一个我从来没有真正有过内心连接的节日， 几十年来，他只不过约等于一个小长假而已。而已不惑的我，在今年清明节第一次感受到这个节日的重要性，已经它对家庭、特别是一个中国传统大家庭的意义。 Tomb-Sweeping Day A festival I never truly felt connected to in my heart. For decades, it was nothing more than a short holiday to me. Yet now, in my forties, I’ve come to understand its significance for the first time—its importance to family, especially to a traditional Chinese extended family.  我是独生女，80年代的人，独生子女是一个常态。我身边的中国朋友基本上也都是独生子女。对于我来讲，更特殊的一点，我的童年里，几乎就只有爸妈这个概念，在很长的时间里，我并不知道这是特殊的。成长的过程中，我们一家人都住在绵阳，一个离大家庭所在地重庆很远的地方，因为80、90年代的四川，那个时候重庆虽然还都是四川的一部分，但很远，因为交通并不发达，回去一次算是一个长途跋涉。用‘回去’这个次，我感觉很牵强，我没有在重庆出生、生活，爸妈的老家也不是那里，爷爷奶奶也是随着西部大开发才从江南城市搬到了重庆。 I’m an only child, born in the 1980s, when single-child families were the norm. Most of my Chinese friends are also only children. But my situation was even more unique: my childhood revolved almost entirely around my parents, and for a long time, I didn’t realize this was unusual. Growing up, my family lived in Mianyang, far from our extended family in Chongqing. Back then, in the 80s and 90s, Chongqing was still part of Sichuan, but the distance felt immense due to underdeveloped transportation. Returning to visit was a major journey. Using the word "return" feels forced—I wasn’t born or raised in Chongqing, and my parents’ hometown wasn’t there either. My grandparents had moved to Chongqing during the Western Development Campaign. 在那遥远而模糊的记忆里，一年的春节，我们一家要去爷爷奶奶那里过年。我记得我们好像都不用从车站检票口过就可以找到捷径来到站台，那绿色的火车皮里，挤满了春运的人。我爸妈站在即将驶出车站的火车窗边，他们中一个往车上挤，一个用手托着我，把我从窗户里送到车里窗边陌生人手里，这样我就不会被耽误他们用力挤上这趟列车，也不会在拥挤中受伤，唯一的缺点就是，有些许可能把我弄丢吧。 In a distant, hazy memory, one Spring Festival, my family traveled to celebrate with them. Train stations back then were chaotic—I remember bypassing the ticket gates entirely, finding shortcuts to the platform. The green train cars were packed with people. My parents stood by the window of the departing train; one squeezed inside while the other lifted me through the window into the arms of a stranger. This way, I wouldn’t slow them down or get hurt in the crowd. The only risk? Maybe losing me.  好像这样的场景，现在只能在印度的电影看到了。我也有一次在斯里兰卡旅行时，站在绿皮火车的车上，车门在行驶中都一直开着，我站在门口上，有时候会将半个身体吊在车外，一种似成相识的感觉。谁知道呢，记忆总会在每次提取的时候，被再次修改，也许离儿时的感受很远了，但我的大脑宁可相信我仅存的些许记忆的。 Scenes like that now only exist in Indian movies. Once, while traveling in Sri Lanka, I stood in the open doorway of a moving train, half-leaning outside—a strangely familiar feeling. Who knows? Memories warp each time we recall them. Maybe my childhood impressions are long gone, but my brain clings to the fragments I have left.  几十年前，因为爸妈回趟家会如此劳神费力费钱，所以我几乎没有太多和大家庭相聚的记忆。因为不走亲戚，再加上爸妈也不承载传统的生活，作为一个土生土长的中国人，我的成长过程，没有太多中国传统文化的印记，似乎唯一的就是春节的时候，我要给爸妈磕头、然后他们给我红包。爸爸妈妈是普通的单位人员，过着简单和无限循环的的日子，我偶尔加入他们的活动，就是他们饭后散步了，至今，他们也会吃完饭要出去‘转路’，几十年如一日，雷打不动！所以，我不知道串亲戚的礼节，也不懂中国最深的‘关系’文化，也没有耳濡目染传统的待人接物传承。 Back then, visiting family was so exhausting and expensive that I barely have memories of reunions. We didn’t visit relatives much, and my parents didn’t uphold many traditions. Despite being Chinese, my upbringing lacked deep cultural roots—except for the New Year’s ritual of kowtowing to my parents for red envelopes. They were ordinary danwei workers, living simple, repetitive lives. My only occasional participation was joining their post-dinner walks, a habit they still maintain religiously decades later. So I never learned the etiquette of family visits, the intricacies of guanxi, or the unspoken rules of social conduct.  这几十年，给外婆上坟的次数也就是两三次吧。外婆走的早，我在小学的时候，她就离开了，我还记得外婆的脸，她和妈妈很像。我很幸运，家里其他的长辈，外公，爷爷奶奶都活到了90岁上下。但可惜的是，因为不在一个城市，他们生前我们接触也很少，到他们离世我都感觉和他们很疏远。只是我的理智告诉我，我应该更伤感才对，因为他们是我的亲人。他们三人都是在近五年离开的，一个接一个走了，给我最大的冲击是，没有了那一辈，下一辈就是接班的了，对于一个中年没有结婚的我来说，无意这是一个让我心里拔凉的感受。 In all these years, I’ve visited my grandmother’s grave maybe two or three times. She passed away when I was in elementary school, but I still remember her face—she looked so much like my mom. I was lucky that my other elders—grandfather, grandparents—lived into their nineties. Yet, because we lived in different cities, I rarely saw them. Even in their final years, I felt distant. Rationally, I knew I should grieve more—they were family. But when they passed, one after another in the last five years, the real shock was realizing: “With their generation gone, ours is next.” For a single, ‘middle-aged’ woman like me, that’s a chilling thought.  一年前，生活突然给了我一个连环杀，在一系列的不如意后，我感受到我的心境慢慢进入到低谷。于是，我提醒自己，该加量做我给来访（我是一名心理咨询师）的‘作业’了，感恩练习。为了能更好的坚持，我给好朋友发了消息，提议我们两睡觉前感恩。没想到，这一个约定，我们一直坚持到现在。也是因为这个例行，我发现了一个有趣的现象。 A year ago, life hit me with a series of blows. As my mood sank, I reminded myself to double down on the "homework" I assign my therapy clients: gratitude practice. To stay accountable, I texted a close friend, suggesting we share nightly gratitude lists. Unexpectedly, we’ve kept it up ever since. And through this ritual, I noticed something fascinating. 我的闺蜜，一个我认识了十几年的前同事，还是本家姓。每天晚上我们都会给对方发消息，总结一天的经历，感恩生活。她经常在总结中，都会提到她的家人，要嘛就是要回家看母亲了，要嘛就是她叔叔、堂姐、要嘛就是她弟弟。我才意识到，原来有人跟自己大家庭的连接是可以这么多的。她说，毕竟堂姐跟他们一起住了三年。闺蜜和家人有很深的情绪连接，会因为亲戚生病看病担忧，会因为弟弟工作不顺操心，会在妈妈陪着的时候心里踏实。我的表弟（或者叫堂弟？是的，我对一个大家族里各个人的辈分称呼也是稀里糊涂的），曾在北京住过半年一年的，我们都没见面过。唯一大家近年聚起来的时候，就是亲人过世的时候了，我也感觉很别扭，不知道如何待人接物，压力山大。闺蜜和家人的距离以及关系，让我体验到，原来血脉相连可以是这样的心心相惜，这让牵肠挂肚的焦虑，居然让我有丝许羡慕，在她的潜移默化中，我似乎对大家庭有了一丝好奇之心和向往。 My friend—a former colleague of over a decade, who even shares my surname—often mentions family in her reflections: visiting her mom, checking on her uncle, chatting with her cousin or younger brother. It dawned on me: Some people actually have this much connection with their extended family. She once lived with her cousin for three years. Her bonds run deep—she worries when relatives fall ill, stresses over her brother’s job struggles, and feels comforted just having her mom around. Meanwhile, my cousin (biaodi, or is it tangdi? I’ve never grasped the proper kinship terms) lived in Beijing for nearly a year, and we never met. The only times we’ve gathered in recent years were funerals, where I felt awkward, socially clueless, and overwhelmed. My bestie’s closeness to family made me realize: Blood ties can actually mean something. The way she frets over them, the warmth they share—it’s enviable, in a way. Slowly, her influence stirred a curiosity in me, even a longing for that kind of connection.  最近的一次聚会，是在外公的灵堂，那应该是2021年了。我坐在灵堂里，看着熟悉又陌生的亲人们，我静静的呆在那里。妈妈说，不要哭，送外公走不能哭的。一大会儿后，念佛团来了，他们围着外公一直走，记不得有多长时间了，妈妈一下带着欣慰的笑容走到我面前，说“外公被阿弥陀福接走了”，那一刻我妈妈心里似乎放心了下来。外公后来去到火葬的地方，我已经没有了外公进火葬场的画面了，也没有其他任何的记忆了，只是知道我在那里。后来，一家人一起去重庆的一个餐厅吃了饭，餐厅里七大姨八大姑都在，还有好些远房的我从未见过的亲戚。因为我远在北京居住，很少跟大家接触，这一切很陌生，但我们都讲四川话，乡音让这个气氛添加了莫名的幸福，也许这就是融洽血缘关系自带的吧。 The last reunion was at my grandfather’s funeral in 2021. Sitting in the mourning hall, surrounded by vaguely familiar relatives, I stayed quiet. My mom told me not to cry—it was forbidden when sending off the deceased. Later, a Buddhist chanting group arrived, circling his coffin for what felt like hours. At one point, my mom approached me, relieved, and said, “Grandpa has been taken by Amitabha Buddha.” When his body was cremated, I have no memory of the moment—just that I was there. Afterward, the extended family ate at a Chongqing restaurant, packed with aunts, uncles, and distant cousins I’d never met. As a Beijing transplant, it all felt foreign. But we all spoke Sichuan dialect, and the shared accent wrapped everything in an unspoken warmth—maybe that’s the natural ease of blood ties.  今年的清明节，爸爸妈妈去了重庆，妈妈那一辈姐弟一共五个，外公外婆的孩子们，都到齐了，去给我的祖父母和外祖父母上坟，一行人从重庆开车去到了祖父母曾经住过的房子，有一个上百年的房子，如今无人居住，已经破烂不堪，但那颗树还在，妈妈说以前外祖父，外公都在这颗树这里玩耍，度过了很多岁月，我看着那颗树，一种莫名的感动，生命的传承吧，也许。他们还去看了祖父母的房子，还在，也有人住。 This Tomb-Sweeping Day, my parents went to Chongqing. All five siblings from my mom’s side gathered to sweep the graves of our grandparents and great-grandparents. They drove to the century-old family home, now crumbling and abandoned, but the tree still stood—the same one my grandfather and great-grandfather once played under. Seeing it in my mom’s video moved me inexplicably. The continuity of life, perhaps. They also visited the old house, still standing, still inhabited.  我在微信上，看到妈妈发来的这些视频，给她打了视频通话，我特别希望那一刻自己也在那里，和这么多亲人在一起，尽管我不知道要说什么，也不知道什么是最好的礼节，但我就想在那里，听着四川话，听他们谈祖辈的故事。妈妈把镜头对向坟头的时候，我说我想叩拜一下，我甚至都不知道是外祖父母还是祖父母，但我知道他们是我从未见过的亲人，应该没见过吧，清明节其他要做的我不知道，但这个是我可以做的，表达对他们的感激，一辈一辈的言传身教。 Watching these clips on WeChat, I video-called my mom. For the first time, I wished I were there—surrounded by family, even if I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I just wanted to stand there, listening to Sichuan dialect, hearing stories of ancestors. When my mom pointed the camera at the graves, I said I wanted to bow. I didn’t even know if they were my maternal or paternal grandparents—I’d likely never met them. But I knew they were family, and this was something I could do: express gratitude for the generations before me.  我妈妈家有很重的人情味，外公外婆的几个孩子，都很孝顺，大家相处的其乐融融，这并非易事。他们一定很爱他们的孩子，外公外婆也肯定很爱我的妈妈，妈妈又把这份爱，在每一句话、每一个动作和每一个思念里传给了我，所以我很幸福的。 My mom’s family carries deep warmth. Her siblings are all filial, harmonious—no small feat. They must have loved their children deeply. My grandparents surely loved my mom, and she passed that love to me in every word, gesture, and memory. So I’ve been lucky.  明年的清明节，我也想让姨们儿再开车带我们一起去，下次，我想脚踏土地的站在那经历了百年变化的土地上，去感受风日孕育的这个家，我从没去过，却从那里来的这个家。 Next Tomb-Sweeping Day, I want my aunts to take us back. Next time, I want to stand on that land, weathered by a hundred years of change, and feel the wind and sun that nurtured this family—a family I’ve never known, yet come from all the same. Photos from Xiaojie 中文写作，英文由Deepseek翻译 Written in Chinese by the author, and translated by Deepseek

Xiaojie Qin Founder and Director of CandleX Beijing | March 2025   I woke up today and realized that in just 10 days, CandleX will celebrate its 10th anniversary. Ten years — it’s a milestone that deserves reflection, celebration, and pride. Yet, if I don’t pause to acknowledge it, it feels like just another day, another routine of doing and doing. But today, I sat in a vibrant café on a sunny warm spring day in Beijing and I am thinking to myself: CandleX has been a part of my life, and the lives of so many others, for a decade.  Typing away while drinking coffee Kindness Matters, So does Money The past few years have been a period of significant change, both for CandleX and for me personally. One of the most profound shifts has been the development of a commercial arm for CandleX. This journey has forced me to confront my own relationship with money — a relationship that has been shaped by my upbringing, my career choices, and my values.    Growing up, my family’s motto was “don’t be greedy.” The idea that taking is bad was so deeply ingrained in me that I didn’t even realize it was there. I remember a moment from my childhood when my aunt, visiting from Japan, took me to a supermarket and told me I could pick anything I wanted. I was thrilled and grabbed some snacks, only to have my mom take them out of my hands and put them back on the shelf, saying, “We have enough. Don’t take them.” That moment stayed with me, a small but powerful lesson in restraint and modesty. Along with many childhood experiences, I learned that money’s ‘not good’.   This mindset followed me into adulthood. In university, when I became president of the English Association, I organized a campus-wide event with a panel of teachers and entrepreneurs. I had no idea how to secure funding — it felt impossible. Why would anyone give money to a college association? But luckily, a teammate stepped up and secured the funds. I remember the joy of organizing the event, the thrill of being on stage as the MC, and the surprise at how naturally I took to public speaking. Still, the idea of asking for money felt foreign to me.    After graduating, I worked in the NGO sector for a decade, always in program roles where money was someone else’s concern. I was drawn to the mission-driven work but often felt frustrated by the influence of donors who seemed disconnected from the realities on the ground. When I founded CandleX in 2015, I registered it as a company but ran it as a nonprofit. It was all I knew, and it felt right. I had no intention of making money; I simply wanted to do meaningful work.  The Forced Change For years, this approach worked. I’ve always lived a minimalist lifestyle, finding joy in things that couldn’t be bought. But life has a way of challenging our assumptions. A few years ago, I left my full-time job and had to confront the reality of making a living. I struggled with the idea of charging for my services — yoga classes, mental health programs — because it felt at odds with my identity as someone who valued volunteering and generosity. But I realized that if I wanted to continue doing the work I loved, I needed to find a way to sustain myself.    This shift wasn’t easy. It required me to rethink my relationship with money, to understand my value, and to navigate the complexities of pricing and negotiation. I took online courses, practiced visualization exercises, and used one-on-one coaching to help me feel more comfortable when talking about money. I reminded myself that even if I were a billionaire, I would want to invest in people who are doing great work out of love and care — people like me. Slowly, I began to see that charging for my work wasn’t a betrayal of my values but a way to ensure that I could continue giving back.    This journey led to the creation of CandleX’s commercial arm, where we now offer workplace mental health consultations, workshops, and seminars, while continuing to provide community-level services. It’s been a balancing act, but one that has allowed us to grow and sustain our mission, and for me to live a decent life like everybody else. I am deeply grateful to our partners and corporate clients who have placed their trust in us. Though we may not be the biggest organization, their belief in the passion and quality of our work has been a driving force behind our ability to continue making an impact. Their support has not only sustained us but also affirmed the value of what we do.  Xiaojie 2024 The Balance Act: Alignment of Personal interests and Needs of the Community The past decade has also seen significant changes in our community programs. I’ve always been drawn to creating unique services — not for the sake of being different, but because I’m sensitive to the needs of our community and willing to take risks to meet them. One example is our loss and grief counseling program, which I started six months ago after experiencing the deaths of friends, acquaintances, and all of my grandparents within a short period. These losses forced me to confront the impermanence of life and the inevitability of aging. Holding space for others who are grieving has been deeply healing for me as well.    Our coaching program, led by a long-time team member, Sharon Liu, who transitioned from editor to coach, is another example of how we’ve evolved. I believe in creating a platform where our team can continue to grow, and I cannot be happier to support our member in their own personal growth. At the end of the end, it’s about finding alignment of the people’s personal growth, organization’s growth and the ever-changing community needs. At CandleX, we believe in the power of storytelling, and so many community members joined us and written their life stories on our “ Community Writings ”. In a world overwhelmed by information and AI, we focus on the irreplaceable value of human stories. Through mentoring and coaching, we help people piece together the fragments of their lives, creating a fuller, more coherent narrative.    Our teen programs have also grown significantly. What began as the Teens Open Letter project in 2020 has expanded into a  three-stage empowerment program that provides year-long mentorship and opportunities for teenagers to share their voices in workshops and consultations.    And then there’s Project A (although it’s not a project of CandleX), which I co-founded to support survivors of abusive relationships. I started to pay attention during the time that I was the facilitator of CandleX Mental Health Peer Support Group, when over the years, a few women in abusive relationships came in and seeked support. I wish I could do more than just empathic listening. Years later, as I started my own journey as a therapist, the right time came and I supported our Beijing community by providing group therapy for women who are recovering from their abusive relationship . It’s been incredibly rewarding to see the impact of this work.    Faces Behind the Scene None of this would have been possible without the incredible team that has stood by me for years. Despite the fact that we are spread out in different parts of the world, we are united by CandleX. Leslie, our graphic designer, joined us as a teenager and has stayed with us through her moves, college, and growing into a young adult, about to finish college. Sharon Liu, who started by helping us redesign our website, has grown into an editor, writer, and coach over the last five years. And Summer, our quiet and constant coordinator, has been with us for over six years, assisting me in keeping everything running smoothly.    As I reflect on the past 10 years, I feel immense gratitude — for the team, for the community, and for the journey itself. There have been moments of doubt, growth, and transformation, but through it all, CandleX has remained a beacon of hope and support. Here’s to the next decade, and to continuing to make a difference, one story at a time.

Author: Xiaojie Qin Time: 30th Mar 2025 World Bipolar Day (this article was edited by Deepseek)   The Day I Heard the Words It was 2012. I sat in that public hospital office, weeks of whiplashing between crushing lows and frantic highs piling up behind me. I knew something was wrong.   When the doctor suggested " bipolar disorder ," my first reaction was bewildered amusement. What a fancy term, I thought. I never heard it before. It sounded almost glamorous — certainly not like something that could explain the storms inside me. That detached reaction, I now realize, was my mind's emergency exit. If I could suppress my curiosity and minimize the shock, maybe I wouldn't have to feel the icy finger of fear tracing my spine when she mentioned therapy, medication, and countless hospital visits. The thing was, I didn’t even trust the treatments in that hospital who had nothing more than medications to offer.   "I'll be fine on my own," I declared — to myself, to the universe. Now, looking back across a decade, I recognize that moment for what it was: not defiance, but terror wearing hope's clothing. The kind of hope that isn't hope at all — just a placeholder until you're ready for the real work of healing.    When you fail to face it, life finds a way to force your hand. After an even deeper depressive episode — one that left no room for denial — I finally began the long-overdue work. But I did it in my own way: not alone in a psychiatrist’s office, but by gathering others alongside me. In a twist of irony, my hypomania became an unlikely ally, fueling the reckless courage needed to act on ideas without overthinking. That’s how CandleX   was born in 2015 — not from polished plans, but from the storm itself.  A page in Syzygy book by Pere Ibanez Breaking Silence with Portraits and Stories I remember that CandleX’s first mental health peer support group vividly. Seven or eight people showed up that evening, and what surprised me most was that over half of them were living with bipolar disorder. For the first time, I wasn't alone in this experience. Over the years, that group became something sacred - a confidential space where people could share their struggles and discover unexpected strength in each other's company.    But I came to realize that real change required moving beyond those safe circles. Stigma, after all, thrives in darkness. So in 2016, I created MoodLaB  - a bold attempt to shine light on bipolar disorder through portraits and personal stories. I'll never forget my initial fear that no one would want to participate. Yet person after person came forward, willing to be photographed and interviewed with raw honesty. Their courage still moves me deeply.    What began as a simple photography project soon breathed with its own heartbeat. Over five transformative years, MoodLaB blossomed beyond our walls — into stereotype-shattering workshops, photo exhibitions that crossed oceans to spark dialogue, and ultimately an award-winning book by the artist Pere Ibanz in collaboration with us on bipolar disorder. But the memory that still glows brightest for me is our community panel at the Camera Stylo launch event, the early summer in 2019. There, in one radiant collision of energy, photographer Pere Ibañez, my good friend and enthusiastic supporter of what I do, Helena as the panel discussion moderator, psychologist Dr. Theo on the panel, Enoch the interviewer and writer of our stories, CandleX's devoted volunteers, the brave MoodLaB storytellers who'd bared their souls before our lenses, and our support group's most active members — all gathered as witnesses and creators of this movement we'd built together.    The electricity in that room — the tears, laughter, and nodding recognition — captured everything I dreamed of when I first imagined MoodLaB: not just raising awareness, but forging real human bridges where before there'd only been silence.    The same year, we partnered with My Therapist 简单心理 for psychoeducation articles, and we’ve done quite a few talks and workshops on bipolar disorder in the community and in schools in Beijing. In 2021, I Interviewed a Chinese woman, Kelly, hospitalized for bipolar , her story smashing cultural taboos   Every step of our effort was guided by three principles: authenticity, honesty, and strength. We didn’t just "raise awareness" — we proved that living fully with bipolar was possible.    Photos from CandleX’s various MoodlaB events   From a Patient to a Therapist Years after that day of sitting in the psychiatrist’s office, I became a therapist myself. I would sit across from clients asking the same questions I once asked: will I ever recover completely? My answer is always the same: recovery isn't about erasing bipolar disorder — it's about learning to work with it. Those intense emotions, that boundless energy, the crushing lows — they're part of a spectrum that can be both superpower and setback. The goal isn't to "fix" ourselves, but to understand these forces well enough to steer them.    The work isn’t over. But look how far we’ve come.    Today, on World Bipolar Day 2025, I celebrate them. I celebrate us.

2025年3月21日，CandleX的创始人兼总监秦小杰女士受邀提供由香江扶轮社（Rotary）俱乐部主席Ferry金阳组织的心理健康讲座，在定期的午餐聚会时间举行，该活动收入由香江扶轮社捐赠到公益项目中。 活动在一个充满特色的在北京顺义罗马湖的台北香邨餐厅举行，该餐厅由俱乐部成员之一创办，环境温馨有很多的复古家具、首饰和装饰，菜品非常美味，且富有文化氛围，为活动增添了独特的体验感。 On March 21, 2025, Ms. Qin Xiaojie, the founder and director of CandleX, was invited to provide in a mental health lecture organized by Mr. Ferry, the president of the Rotary Club of Xiangjiang Beijing The event took place during the club's regular lunch gathering, and the proceeds were donated by the Rotary Club public welfare projects. The event was held at the Taipei Xiang Village Restaurant, located by the Shunyi Rome Lake in Beijing, a venue known for its distinctive charm. The restaurant, founded by one of the club members, offered a warm atmosphere adorned with vintage furniture, jewelry, and decorations. The delicious cuisine and rich cultural ambiance added a unique experiential touch to the event. 活动以放松的形式展开，结合午餐与心理健康探讨，此次活动是中文进行。在午餐前，秦小杰女士带领大家进行了一小时的向内探索，一如既往，CandleX的活动从简单到冥想练习，关注呼吸与自我觉知开始，为后续的讨论奠定了基调。参与者逐渐进入状态，开始关注内心的感受，并将这种自我觉察的概念贯穿到整个工作坊中。 本次活动共有20余人参与，背景多样，大家对心理健康的关注点也各不相同。因此，活动前期临时调整为让每位参与者分享自己关心的心理健康话题，并在现场将这些内容列出，找到其中的关联性，进而有针对性地解答常见问题。讨论内容涵盖以下几个方面： 角色与心理健康：探讨个人在社会、家庭中的角色如何影响心理健康。 家庭结构与心理健康：分析家庭环境对成员，特别是青少年心理健康的影响。 行为主义与教育：讨论惩罚与消退两种互动方式对青少年行为的不同影响。 自我观察与接纳：强调观察与接纳是提升心理健康的基本能力，并通过“积极关注”练习，引导大家观察桌上的奶茶，用五官感受当下，觉察内心。 The event unfolded in a relaxed format, combining lunch with discussions on mental health in Chinese. Before the meal, Ms. Qin Xiaojie led the participants in an hour of inward exploration. As is customary with CandleX events, the session began with simple meditation practices, focusing on breathing and self-awareness, setting the tone for the subsequent discussions. Gradually, the participants became more attuned to their inner feelings, carrying this concept of self-awareness throughout the workshop. The event was attended by around 20 individuals from diverse backgrounds, each with different interests about mental health. As a result, the initial plan was adjusted to allow each participant to share their own mental health topics of interest. These topics were then listed on the spot, and connections were drawn between them to address common questions more effectively. The discussions covered the following areas: Roles and Mental Health: Exploring how an individual's roles in society and family affect their mental health. Family Structure and Mental Health: Analyzing the impact of family environments on the mental health of its members, particularly adolescents. Behaviorism and Education: Discussing the different effects of punishment and extinction as interaction methods on adolescent behavior. Self-Observation and Acceptance: Emphasizing that observation and acceptance are fundamental skills for improving mental health. Through a "positive attention" exercise, participants were guided to observe a cup of milk tea on the table, using their senses to experience the present moment and become aware of their inner states. 作为一名心理咨询师、以及正念习练者以及引导者，秦女士到工作坊总是在一个有松有弛的节奏下进行：活动设计注重节奏的平衡，既有思考讨论，也有体验互动，帮助参与者在轻松的氛围中学习，避免过度消耗（burnout）。 作为嘉宾，我们CandleX也是参与者，很深刻的感受到香江扶轮社俱乐部到活动，给每一个人提供了宝贵的社会连接与真诚沟通的场合：活动为会员提供了面对面交流的机会，增进了彼此的了解。大家不仅分享了各自的热情与志愿工作经历，还建立了深厚的社会连接。参与者背景多元，但都展现出深刻的求知欲、开放的态度以及对心理健康的热爱，这种多样性为讨论增添了丰富的视角。 CandleX也为大家提供一对一的心理健康指导、心理咨询（包括成人和青少年）、青少年赋能项目等，请关注我们的公众号。我们也持续支持社区心理健康，并为香江扶轮社区开放两个名额，进行 哀伤辅导半公益心理咨询 。 本次活动不仅是一次心理健康知识的分享，更是一次身心的放松与连接。通过冥想、讨论和体验，参与者不仅学到了实用的心理健康技巧，也在轻松的氛围中感受到了自我觉察的力量。活动的成功离不开香江扶轮社俱乐部的组织与支持，以及每一位参与者的热情投入。 期待未来有更多类似的活动，帮助更多人关注心理健康，建立真诚的社会连接，共同营造一个更加包容与支持的社会环境。 As a psychotherapist, mindfulness practitioner, and facilitator, Ms. Qin always conducts her workshops with a balanced rhythm of relaxation and engagement. The event design emphasizes a harmonious pace, incorporating both thoughtful discussions and interactive experiences, helping participants learn in a relaxed atmosphere while avoiding burnout. As guests, we at CandleX were also participants, deeply appreciating how the Xiangjiang Rotary Club Beijing provided a valuable platform for social connection and genuine communication. The event offered members the opportunity to interact face-to-face, fostering mutual understanding. Participants not only shared their passions and volunteer experiences but also built meaningful social connections. Despite their diverse backgrounds, everyone exhibited a profound curiosity, open-mindedness, and a passion for mental health, enriching the discussions with varied perspectives. CandleX also offers one-on-one mental health coaching, psychological therapy (for both adults and adolescents), and youth empowerment programs. Please folow our official account for more information. We are committed to supporting community mental health and are offering two semi-public welfare counseling slots for  grief and loss counseling  to the Xiangjiang Rotary Club Beijing. This event was not just a sharing of mental health knowledge but also an opportunity for relaxation and connection. Through meditation, discussions, and experiential activities, participants not only gained practical mental health skills but also experienced the power of self-awareness in a relaxed setting. The success of the event was made possible by the organization and support of the Rotary Club of Hong Kong and the enthusiastic participation of everyone involved. We look forward to more events like this in the future, helping more people focus on mental health, build genuine social connections, and collectively create a more inclusive and supportive social environment.

‘Over the last eight years, I have encountered many challenges both as a facilitator and as the manager of our mental health peer support group . I’ve documented our experiences, trained our facilitators, and brought all our learnings together in creating a manual. I hope that by sharing this with others, more mental health activists can get a better start and do great work in China supporting our very own community. ’ - Xiaojie Qin Director of CandleX Training Details Date: 21st Apr, Sunday 2025 Time: 2:30pm-5:30pm Location: Online via Voov/Tencent Language: English Cost: 500rmb, no refund. Registration: Please contact Summer via QR code. Training Format: The training will be a combination of lecture, demonstration, group discussion, role-play, and hands-on activities. Participants may have the opportunity to practice their facilitation skills and receive feedback from the trainer and other participants. Opportunity to become a CandleX Support Group Facilitator Since 2015, we have welcomed four generations of facilitators into our program, and we provide a timeline of 1-2 years for each facilitator to develop a strong foundation of knowledge and skills. By participating in our training, attendees will be positioned to be considered as potential candidates for becoming a facilitator within our SG program. Here are some of the key benefits of becoming a mental health peer support group facilitator, listed as bullet points: Hands-on experience working with individuals facing mental health challenges, as a peer. Enhanced empathy and emotional intelligence through active listening and understanding of human emotions. Development of valuable skills in facilitation and project management, and strong foundation for future studies or work in the mental health field. Deeply rewarding experience of seeing the positive impact of your efforts on others. Opportunity to make a meaningful contribution to mental health awareness and support in your community. This year marks our 10th year of running our support group  in Beijing. Seeing increasing need from emerging community members for us to do more on mental health, we are now providing training to prepare individuals to get on the path of mental health advocates and group leaders. This upcoming training provides practical guidance and knowledge based on accumulated experiences from challenges our facilitators have encountered, ethical considerations, and issues we have had running the support group. We will also go over our internal training manual that outlines the structure of CandleX’s signature program - mental health support group - and the step by step tasks of facilitation. By doing this, we hope to empower more people to get an easier start on creating their own mental health groups and projects in China.   Who Should Attend: Mental health professionals including therapists and coaches Mental Health Peer support facilitators Community mental health advocates Anyone interested in get on the path of becoming a mental health professional   Learning Objectives: Understand the principles of group facilitation and group dynamics Learn effective communication skills Develop conflict resolution skills Develop strategies for creating a safe and inclusive space for group members Learn about self-care and how to manage burnout   Certificate You will get a certificate from us to indicate that you have completed this 3-hour training. More About the Training Content We created a question bank based on facilitator’s debrief, which we do  and document after every session. Over the years, we have engaged in discussions and mini-trainings amongst support group program team members as well as external experts to answer these questions.   Note: our 3-hour training does not intend to cover all topics due to limitation of time. To make sure that this training is relevant to the training participants, I’d like you to look at the questions, and pick no more than 3 as your own learning objectives. Training Questions Bank Facilitator’s Self Awareness and Management What's your style as a facilitator? What are the self-beliefs that could get in the way of facilitation? What is the skill that a facilitator needs to keep in mind when we are confronted with difficult situations? How to proceed with the session as a facilitator when feeling triggered by a topic that has been or is being discussed? What are the traps a facilitator could fall into when facilitating in a group?  Facilitator’s self-care: there are responsibilities in being a facilitator, as well as benefits of feeling the meaning of life by giving, learning new skills. How do you balance your responsibilities to the group without compromising your own wellbeing? Conflict Resolution Skills How to deal with conflicts amongst participants when happening in session? How to model disagreement respectfully? What should we do when we disagree with our peer facilitators? Group Dynamics Management Skills What general attitudes participants have towards facilitators? How to manage a participant who gives advices when not asked? What to do when a participant is in distress when sharing, intense emotional reaction during self-disclosure? How do respond to situations where a participant damages the progress of the session? How do we know when we need to take that person out of the room? What to do or not to do if there’s prolonged silence in session? Learn how to manage one or a few people who cannot stop talking or who interrupt others inappropriately? Improve the Operation What are the risks running a mental health group, and how do you mitigate such risks? Should the group sessions have a topic or it’s better to offer a topic free space? How do we get people to give feedback more? What negative feedback we’ve gotten so far? how do we improve? How to manage the expectations of participants towards the facilitator? About the Trainer Xiaojie Qin A psychotherapist, the director of CandleX, with more than a decade of experiences working with groups, as a researcher, an interviewer, a group facilitator, a group therapist, as well as manager of such groups. You can learn about her work on psychotherapy by reading Xiaojie’s therapy profile  here.

We do not live in the experiences we have, but the narratives of our experiences. Take some time to write it. We are here to guide you and support you in this beautiful but challenging process, so you can integrate moments of your life into a coherent story. Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX 2024 Storytelling is a key part CandleX’s approach to raising mental health awareness, reducing stigma, and fostering authentic human connection. As early as 2016, we started  “My Story with Depression | Column Launch” , which brings together community-submitted stories about personal experiences with mental health. The initiative, which includes  Teens Open Letter  and  My Emotions, My Stories , has been away for members of the community to share their personal struggles through writing. When we are faced with life’s challenges, it can be difficult to process our feelings and vulnerabilities. Expressive writing is a healthy way to explore and give voice to the thoughts & emotions we hold inside. The process of storytelling helps us to find meaning in our experiences and to understand the narrative we tell ourselves, as well as those around us. It enables us to acknowledge difficult emotions, release stress, and gain clarity that promotes healing and growth. If you are interested in exploring your mental health story, knowing where to start can be difficult. To provide further support and guidance, CandleX is now bringing together our storytelling with coaching services through the Coaching Support For Your Mental Health Story program. In this program, the focus is on facilitating personal growth through coaching, with writing as an aid.  Coaching is a partnership in which you are supported in your personal development while working towards goals that align with your beliefs and values. Coaching centered around mental wellbeing can involve bringing mindful awareness to your emotional world, exploring the mind-body relationship, and shifting internal perspectives from inner critic to compassionate self.  Stories written in this project will be primarily for the personal use of our writers. You can choose to keep it private, or publish it to the CandleX platform to share your perspectives and stories with the international community in China. Mental health matters. Your stories matter. CandleX community matters. Check out some of our CandleX Community Stories: Chapter 4: Shimmering in the Dark | Katelyn’s Story Many Faces | One Model, One Story Meeting Myself on the Mat | Xiaojie’s story with Yoga Details & Registration Outcomes : Self-Growth: Coaching supports you with developing compassionate self-awareness, accountability to goals, and living in alignment with your core values & beliefs. Improve mental & emotional wellbeing, and discover empowering shifts in perspective. Community Empowerment: The opportunity to publish your story and become a community advocate for mental health awareness. A chance to get more involved in mental health projects with CandleX, such as being interviewed when we get press interview invites. Structure : 1 hour per session 10 sessions of one-on-one, weekly coaching over 3 months, with writing and revision in between. Fee : 3000rmb. Fee is non-refundable. Location : Online Language : English Registration : Scan QR code to connect with Sharon on WeChat Rules and Principles : All coaching will be conducted according to the International Coaching Federation’s ethical standards and guidelines. Everything shared within coaching sessions will remain confidential between coach, client, and supervisor  Xiaojie Qin . Project Overview Writing to Heal consists of 3 phases. Choose A Topic, Write Your Story, and Reflection. The number of sessions dedicated to each phase will depend on individual need.  1. Choose A Topic In this initial phase your coach will work with you to set the foundation for the next 3 months. Your coach will start by getting to know you, as well as your goals & expectations for this program. You’ll establish clarity on what storytelling means to you, what it is that you want to express based on your personal experiences and values, and how your coach can best support you. There’s no pressure to choose a topic immediately- what’s most important is to take the time & space for you to freely explore what’s present. We will move to the next phase when you are ready. 2. Write Your Story Once you have chosen a topic, you will start to write your story. Your coach will guide you through revisions and polishing until you feel it is complete. While writing is a therapeutic act, working with topics related to mental health can be emotionally demanding and difficult emotions may arise. Your coaching sessions are a safe space for you to bring any thoughts & feelings you would like support with during this process. 3. Reflection After your story is complete, you will connect with your coach for reflection. What has changed in you since the start of the project? How has coaching supported you in processing past & current emotions? What have you discovered about yourself? What does it mean to you to have written this story? Your coach will work with you in bringing awareness to what you are taking away from this experience, and how these insights may continue to support your mental wellbeing. Continued Support The coaching relationship will continue throughout any remaining sessions after your storywriting is complete. In these sessions, you may choose to continue exploring the takeaways from the past weeks and the impacts these insights have on your life. You may choose to use this space to set, review, or establish accountability for personal goals. There may be specific events or decision points that you would like support on. Any topics relevant to your mental health and wellbeing are welcome. Coach Profile Sharon Liu’s coaching practice supports clients' personal growth with a mindfulness-based & trauma-informed approach. Through deep listening, reflection, and inquiry- evoking mental, emotional, and bodily awareness- she holds space for contemplation and insight into the innermost self. Sharon holds a bachelor's degree in Fine Art and master's in Visual Cultures. She is currently in training for her Associate Certified Coach accreditation with the ICF. In addition to coaching she also works in UX design, with a focus on wellbeing and social impact projects. Her role at CandleX includes website designer, community writing editor, and media management. Fluent in English and Mandarin, Sharon has lived and worked in the US, UK, and China where she is currently based in Hainan. Supervisor Profile