‘Over the last eight years, I have encountered many challenges both as a facilitator and as the manager of our mental health peer support group . I’ve documented our experiences, trained our facilitators, and brought all our learnings together in creating a manual. I hope that by sharing this with others, more mental health activists can get a better start and do great work in China supporting our very own community. ’ - Xiaojie Qin Director of CandleX Training Details Date: 21st Apr, Sunday 2025 Time: 2:30pm-5:30pm Location: Online via Voov/Tencent Language: English Cost: 500rmb, no refund. Registration: Please contact Summer via QR code. Training Format: The training will be a combination of lecture, demonstration, group discussion, role-play, and hands-on activities. Participants may have the opportunity to practice their facilitation skills and receive feedback from the trainer and other participants. Opportunity to become a CandleX Support Group Facilitator Since 2015, we have welcomed four generations of facilitators into our program, and we provide a timeline of 1-2 years for each facilitator to develop a strong foundation of knowledge and skills. By participating in our training, attendees will be positioned to be considered as potential candidates for becoming a facilitator within our SG program. Here are some of the key benefits of becoming a mental health peer support group facilitator, listed as bullet points: Hands-on experience working with individuals facing mental health challenges, as a peer. Enhanced empathy and emotional intelligence through active listening and understanding of human emotions. Development of valuable skills in facilitation and project management, and strong foundation for future studies or work in the mental health field. Deeply rewarding experience of seeing the positive impact of your efforts on others. Opportunity to make a meaningful contribution to mental health awareness and support in your community. This year marks our 10th year of running our support group  in Beijing. Seeing increasing need from emerging community members for us to do more on mental health, we are now providing training to prepare individuals to get on the path of mental health advocates and group leaders. This upcoming training provides practical guidance and knowledge based on accumulated experiences from challenges our facilitators have encountered, ethical considerations, and issues we have had running the support group. We will also go over our internal training manual that outlines the structure of CandleX’s signature program - mental health support group - and the step by step tasks of facilitation. By doing this, we hope to empower more people to get an easier start on creating their own mental health groups and projects in China.   Who Should Attend: Mental health professionals including therapists and coaches Mental Health Peer support facilitators Community mental health advocates Anyone interested in get on the path of becoming a mental health professional   Learning Objectives: Understand the principles of group facilitation and group dynamics Learn effective communication skills Develop conflict resolution skills Develop strategies for creating a safe and inclusive space for group members Learn about self-care and how to manage burnout   Certificate You will get a certificate from us to indicate that you have completed this 3-hour training. More About the Training Content We created a question bank based on facilitator’s debrief, which we do  and document after every session. Over the years, we have engaged in discussions and mini-trainings amongst support group program team members as well as external experts to answer these questions.   Note: our 3-hour training does not intend to cover all topics due to limitation of time. To make sure that this training is relevant to the training participants, I’d like you to look at the questions, and pick no more than 3 as your own learning objectives. Training Questions Bank Facilitator’s Self Awareness and Management What's your style as a facilitator? What are the self-beliefs that could get in the way of facilitation? What is the skill that a facilitator needs to keep in mind when we are confronted with difficult situations? How to proceed with the session as a facilitator when feeling triggered by a topic that has been or is being discussed? What are the traps a facilitator could fall into when facilitating in a group?  Facilitator’s self-care: there are responsibilities in being a facilitator, as well as benefits of feeling the meaning of life by giving, learning new skills. How do you balance your responsibilities to the group without compromising your own wellbeing? Conflict Resolution Skills How to deal with conflicts amongst participants when happening in session? How to model disagreement respectfully? What should we do when we disagree with our peer facilitators? Group Dynamics Management Skills What general attitudes participants have towards facilitators? How to manage a participant who gives advices when not asked? What to do when a participant is in distress when sharing, intense emotional reaction during self-disclosure? How do respond to situations where a participant damages the progress of the session? How do we know when we need to take that person out of the room? What to do or not to do if there’s prolonged silence in session? Learn how to manage one or a few people who cannot stop talking or who interrupt others inappropriately? Improve the Operation What are the risks running a mental health group, and how do you mitigate such risks? Should the group sessions have a topic or it’s better to offer a topic free space? How do we get people to give feedback more? What negative feedback we’ve gotten so far? how do we improve? How to manage the expectations of participants towards the facilitator? About the Trainer Xiaojie Qin A psychotherapist, the director of CandleX, with more than a decade of experiences working with groups, as a researcher, an interviewer, a group facilitator, a group therapist, as well as manager of such groups. You can learn about her work on psychotherapy by reading Xiaojie’s therapy profile  here.

We do not live in the experiences we have, but the narratives of our experiences. Take some time to write it. We are here to guide you and support you in this beautiful but challenging process, so you can integrate moments of your life into a coherent story. Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist, Director of CandleX 2024 Storytelling is a key part CandleX’s approach to raising mental health awareness, reducing stigma, and fostering authentic human connection. As early as 2016, we started  “My Story with Depression | Column Launch” , which brings together community-submitted stories about personal experiences with mental health. The initiative, which includes  Teens Open Letter  and  My Emotions, My Stories , has been away for members of the community to share their personal struggles through writing. When we are faced with life’s challenges, it can be difficult to process our feelings and vulnerabilities. Expressive writing is a healthy way to explore and give voice to the thoughts & emotions we hold inside. The process of storytelling helps us to find meaning in our experiences and to understand the narrative we tell ourselves, as well as those around us. It enables us to acknowledge difficult emotions, release stress, and gain clarity that promotes healing and growth. If you are interested in exploring your mental health story, knowing where to start can be difficult. To provide further support and guidance, CandleX is now bringing together our storytelling with coaching services through the Coaching Support For Your Mental Health Story program. In this program, the focus is on facilitating personal growth through coaching, with writing as an aid.  Coaching is a partnership in which you are supported in your personal development while working towards goals that align with your beliefs and values. Coaching centered around mental wellbeing can involve bringing mindful awareness to your emotional world, exploring the mind-body relationship, and shifting internal perspectives from inner critic to compassionate self.  Stories written in this project will be primarily for the personal use of our writers. You can choose to keep it private, or publish it to the CandleX platform to share your perspectives and stories with the international community in China. Mental health matters. Your stories matter. CandleX community matters. Check out some of our CandleX Community Stories: Chapter 4: Shimmering in the Dark | Katelyn’s Story Many Faces | One Model, One Story Meeting Myself on the Mat | Xiaojie’s story with Yoga Details & Registration Outcomes : Self-Growth: Coaching supports you with developing compassionate self-awareness, accountability to goals, and living in alignment with your core values & beliefs. Improve mental & emotional wellbeing, and discover empowering shifts in perspective. Community Empowerment: The opportunity to publish your story and become a community advocate for mental health awareness. A chance to get more involved in mental health projects with CandleX, such as being interviewed when we get press interview invites. Structure : 1 hour per session 10 sessions of one-on-one, weekly coaching over 3 months, with writing and revision in between. Fee : 3000rmb. Fee is non-refundable. Location : Online Language : English Registration : Scan QR code to connect with Sharon on WeChat Rules and Principles : All coaching will be conducted according to the International Coaching Federation’s ethical standards and guidelines. Everything shared within coaching sessions will remain confidential between coach, client, and supervisor  Xiaojie Qin . Project Overview Writing to Heal consists of 3 phases. Choose A Topic, Write Your Story, and Reflection. The number of sessions dedicated to each phase will depend on individual need.  1. Choose A Topic In this initial phase your coach will work with you to set the foundation for the next 3 months. Your coach will start by getting to know you, as well as your goals & expectations for this program. You’ll establish clarity on what storytelling means to you, what it is that you want to express based on your personal experiences and values, and how your coach can best support you. There’s no pressure to choose a topic immediately- what’s most important is to take the time & space for you to freely explore what’s present. We will move to the next phase when you are ready. 2. Write Your Story Once you have chosen a topic, you will start to write your story. Your coach will guide you through revisions and polishing until you feel it is complete. While writing is a therapeutic act, working with topics related to mental health can be emotionally demanding and difficult emotions may arise. Your coaching sessions are a safe space for you to bring any thoughts & feelings you would like support with during this process. 3. Reflection After your story is complete, you will connect with your coach for reflection. What has changed in you since the start of the project? How has coaching supported you in processing past & current emotions? What have you discovered about yourself? What does it mean to you to have written this story? Your coach will work with you in bringing awareness to what you are taking away from this experience, and how these insights may continue to support your mental wellbeing. Continued Support The coaching relationship will continue throughout any remaining sessions after your storywriting is complete. In these sessions, you may choose to continue exploring the takeaways from the past weeks and the impacts these insights have on your life. You may choose to use this space to set, review, or establish accountability for personal goals. There may be specific events or decision points that you would like support on. Any topics relevant to your mental health and wellbeing are welcome. Coach Profile Sharon Liu’s coaching practice supports clients' personal growth with a mindfulness-based & trauma-informed approach. Through deep listening, reflection, and inquiry- evoking mental, emotional, and bodily awareness- she holds space for contemplation and insight into the innermost self. Sharon holds a bachelor's degree in Fine Art and master's in Visual Cultures. She is currently in training for her Associate Certified Coach accreditation with the ICF. In addition to coaching she also works in UX design, with a focus on wellbeing and social impact projects. Her role at CandleX includes website designer, community writing editor, and media management. Fluent in English and Mandarin, Sharon has lived and worked in the US, UK, and China where she is currently based in Hainan. Supervisor Profile

国际学校教职工培训回顾 ｜ 青少年心理健康初步救援 As a service provider, CandleX Business was delighted to offer a comprehensive Teen’s Psychological First Aid Training for Staff in Chinese for WAB, a leading international school in Beijing, in November, 2024. The workshop was tailored specifically for the Chinese staff and conducted entirely in Chinese, making it an inclusive and relevant learning experience. 作为服务提供商，CandleX非常荣幸于2024年11月在北京顶尖的国际学校京西举办了一场全面的青少年心理健康初步救援教职工培训。该培训专为中国教职员工量身定制，全程使用中文进行，营造了一种包容且相关的学习体验。 Our experienced trainer, Xiaojie Qin, psychotherapist and director of CandleX led the session with a focus on psychoeducation related to teenagers, their typical developmental stages, and the warning signs of crisis that teachers and staff should be aware of. Xiaojie emphasized the importance of intervening when necessary and clarified the staff's role in providing psychological first aid in accordance with the school's policy. 我们经验丰富的培训师、心理咨询师、CandleX总监秦小杰女士，提供本次培训，重点讲解了与青少年相关的心理教育，包括他们的典型发展阶段以及教职员工应意识到的危机预警信号。秦女士在培训中强调了必要时进行干预的重要性以及相关干预方式，并明确了教职员工根据学校政策提供心理救援的角色。 To ensure maximum efficiency, we conducted two back-to-back training sessions, with careful attention to maintaining a manageable group size of 30-40 participants per session, which is 2.5 hours each. This allowed for a more personalized and interactive learning experience, fostering a supportive and collaborative atmosphere. 为确保最高效率，我们同日连续举办了两场培训，并特别注意保持每场培训的参与者人数在30-40人，以便达到培训最好的效果。这种安排为学员提供了更加个性化和互动的学习体验，营造了一种支持和协作的氛围。 Candlex's training approach combined presentations, hands-on experiences, and focused discussions. Xiaojie utilized real-life cases from the participants' everyday work environments to facilitate engaging discussions and encourage the development of practical solutions. This approach not only helped to unpack complex concepts but also provided a clear and actionable framework for intervention guidelines. Candlex的培训方法结合了讲解、实践操作和专题讨论。小杰利用与教职工日常工作环境相关的真实案例来促进深入讨论，并鼓励学员分享实用的解决方案，讲学员已有的有效操作强化，并且延展出其他有效方式，这种方法不仅有助于分解复杂的概念，还为干预指南提供了一个清晰且可操作的框架。 Overall, the workshop was a resounding success, with participants expressing their appreciation for the valuable insights and skills they acquired. Candlex is proud to have contributed to the well-being of students at WAB by equipping the staff with the necessary knowledge and tools to effectively support teenagers in crisis. We look forward to providing similar training opportunities in the future. 总体而言，此次培训取得了巨大成功，参与者纷纷表示对所获得的有价值见解和技能表示赞赏。Candlex为能够通过为教职员工提供必要的知识和工具，有效支持需要心理健康初步救援的青少年，从而为京西学生的福祉做出贡献而感到自豪。

From August to November 2024, Xiaojie Qin, a psychotherapist and the director of CandleX, was invited to provide technical support as a consultant for UNICEF's 2024 China's World Children's Day Campaign, themed "Mental Health in Schools." Moreover, she involved her mentee, Katie Lai, a high school student, in this campaign process to adopt a teenage-consulted approach.   In terms of adolescent mental health, Xiaojie's current scope of work includes seeing teenage clients as their therapist, managing and executing CandleX's Teens Empowerment Project, and providing various trainings in schools to both students and faculty on topics such as bullying, psychological first-aid, and mental illness trainings for teachers. Additionally, during her tenure with a renewed international NGO, Xiaojie served as the China representative on the International Task Group for Mental Health and Psychosocial Wellbeing.   UNICEF China's World Children's Day campaign for 2024, themed "Mental Health in Schools," aimed to build upon the previous "Stronger Mind, Stronger You" initiative by focusing on mental health for both adolescents and younger, school-age children. In this context, Xiaojie was engaged to provide technical support to ensure that the campaign's messaging was professionally crafted and aligned with best practices in discussing mental health. Her role was crucial in reviewing video scripts, social media posts, promotional materials, and play scripts for the World Children's Day event, ensuring that they achieved optimal results.   Throughout the three-month process, Xiaojie provided valuable insights and recommendations, along with Katie’s input, ensuring that the messaging was clear, concise, and resonated with the intended audience. Xiaojie's expertise was instrumental in shaping the campaign's narrative and tone, making it more impactful and relatable. Her prompt and thorough responses provided clarity and reassurance to stakeholders and the audience alike, and were greatly appreciated. As a result, Katie Lai, a teenager consulted on a high-level campaign project with UNICEF, was empowered and gained valuable insights from real-life practice on mental health work. She worked on specific consultancy tasks with guidance from Xiaojie. This was a unique and special opportunity, and it aligned with CandleX's Teens Empowerment Project, which aims to provide teens with real-life experiences to help them understand the theory taught in schools and practice in day-to-day work, and better understand their own strengths and areas of interest.

In November 2024, Xiaojie Qin, psychotherapist and director of CandleX, was interviewed by two mainstream media outlets, Reuters and The Guardian, regarding the recent incidents of "anti-society attacks," with particular focus on the high-profile event in Zhuhai that resulted in dozens of casualties. These incidents have garnered considerable interest from Western media, who seem particularly intrigued by the underlying causes.   To read more about this, please visit Reuters and The Guardian’s article. Screenshot of the news by Reuters https://www.reuters.com/world/china/mass-casualty-attacks-china-put-focus-mental-health-economy-slows-2024-11-19/ Screenshot of the news The Guardian https://www.theguardian.com/world/2024/nov/22/china-deals-with-violence-amid-revenge-against-society-attacks?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other In her opinion, Xiaojie stated, "I am not a sociologist but a psychotherapist working at the grassroots level. Therefore, my insights may not have the same validity as those who can monitor and observe such phenomena on a national scale."   She further elaborated that societal stability is intricately linked to income disparity and social security infrastructure. "If you examine the Gini Coefficient Index, it has been hovering above 0.4, the warning threshold, for decades. Over the past ten years, we have observed a slight decline... The national social security infrastructure, including health, pension, and education, has consistently been a focus of attention for the government. Balancing the pursuit of excellence while maintaining the foundational blocks of economic, societal, and political stability is indeed a challenging endeavor. We cannot conclude that these incidents reflect a decline in China's societal stability, just as we cannot say that a person with the flu is unhealthy overall."

Updated in Nov 2024. Moving to a new country, going through a breakup, losing a job, or living with mental conditions are very challenging. Yet, there’s no reason to suffer alone when one can choose to join hands with others and let the power of connection and group support encourage and heal us. In the absence of such social support in Beijing, CandleX established the peer support group in October, 2015, with the goal to provide psychosocial support to Beijing community. It provides a safe and supportive environment for people living in and out of Beijing to share personal thoughts and experiences in small, confidential gatherings. To understand this project, or if yo u’d like to read our 1st , 2nd and 3rd year support group review, please visit https://www.candlex.cn/mental-health-support-group . CandleX Other Available Resources If you are in a crisis, please seek a professional immediately at the same time. Your will find useful information on our crisis page . If you’re more interested in how to navigate the mental health world and get more info on how to get support or get treatment, for you or someone you know, please check out our pretreament guidance   program. If you are looking for professional support, you can check out Xiaojie Qin , our director and psychotherapist’s page. Peer Support Key Information Peer support group Participants: Our support groups are for people living with mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety or suicide ideation. The support group is especially effective for newcomers who are in situations of lack of social support, experiencing shame and guilt of having depression or people who present an elevated risk of mental illness. Date: every second and fourth Tuesday (both offline by default) Time : 19:30-21:00 Location: near Dongdaqiao (Details will be communicated via a confirmation email after 4 pm, the day before each meeting) Language: English Max number: 7 people each session Fee: 88rmb, 30rmb for students, financial aid is available for those going through financial difficulties Registration via scanning QR code , or click on https://yoopay.cn/event/05475102 . Support Group coordinator will reach out via private message to confirm your registration after screening and payment. Peer Group Principles We gather to share our stories and feelings, help and give each other emotional support when dealing with the difficult emotions，recognize the importance of tending to and promote our own self-care. We use guided meditation and breathing exercises to create safe, peaceful and comfortable environment for sharing . We shall not be held responsible for group member’s safety. We all are peers. There are no professionals in this group. CandleX will not be responsible for people engaging in self-harm or suicidal ideations. By signing up to the peer support group, I understand and agree to release CandleX and its staff or volunteers from any or all liability connected to my own participation, including but not limited to any forms of self-harm or suicide. Confidentiality: All information shared with the group is strictly confidential. All new participants will need to register first for eligibility screening. Some information related to the group dynamics and facilitation may be used for an internal debrief between facilitators and the Support Group manager to improve the quality of sessions and to empower others to set up support groups during facilitator’s training. No graphic description of suicide, self-harm and death as it may trigger some of the attendees. Please note that this is a Peer Support Group , there will be one facilitator throughout the session to monitor the progress of each session and facilitate group interactions, no professional therapists will be attending. We have a WeChat group (that you may join after attending at least one meeting) where you would be informed of Beijing community mental health events, as well as other information that might be helpful for your recovery. Community Contribution: We conduct regular internal debriefs between facilitators and the Support Group manager to ensure continuous quality check, learning and improvement. Additionally, we offer facilitator training programs to empower others to establish their own groups. During these training and debrief sessions, we handle information related to group dynamics and facilitation with sensitivity and care. We also compile an annual report on the demographics of our attendees to help the Beijing and broader community better understand our efforts and establish complementary groups, ensuring that all our initiatives are aligned and cohesive. If you have any concerns or feedback of the support group, we welcome you to let us know by emailing it to xiaojie.qin@candlex.cn . The concern would be handled sensitively directly by CandleX’s director. All information can be found on our website under " Get Help ".

CandleX's founder and Director, Xiaojie Qin , is a psychotherapist. If you need psychotherapy, please contact her via her therapy email at xiaojieqin2020@163.com As mental health awareness grows, more and more people are curious about seeking psychotherapy. CandleX aims to provide learning resources to support those who may be navigating this space for the first time. In this educational video series you’ll find answers to commonly asked questions, practical advice, and nuanced insights from psychotherapist Qin Xiaojie that will help you make informed decisions along your therapeutic journey. Watch videos here !

Updated Nov 2024 If you are experiencing mental health crisis, or your loved ones are, you can reach out to us and use the following services at CandleX: CandleX’s Mental Health Peer Support Group Pre-treatment Guidance Session Therapy Services by Xiaojie Qin You can find more resources available at CandleX at the end of this article. Please be aware that this compiled list of resources is not intended to be exhaustive, but rather a curated selection that we have endorsed to help avoid choice paralysis. 1. Reach out to the crisis hotlines listed below: For anyone in need of assistance in times of crisis, or just a listening ear, below are some recommended hotlines. They all offer anonymous, confidential support services. Some of them offer it in the form of live chat. All services are free of charge: callers only need to pay the normal phone call rate. Additionally, you can find regional hotline on these pages: 你可以在这个网站寻找更多区域热线: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html https://findahelpline.com 2. Domestic Abuse Victims: For those who are going through domestic violence, here is the list of full resources available: 反家暴公益热线全国版地图 . The majority of services  are in Chinese only. There are two services that offer them also in English, which were verified in September 2024. 3. Alcoholics Anonymous Group in Beijing:   https://www.aabeijing.com/ Read our interview with one of the member from our community writing project: Michael’s Journey to Alcoholism Recovery.

On this anniversary of CandleX's Mental Health Peer Support Group, we are thankful for the continued trust placed in us by our community as we seek to provide a safe space for individuals to connect and find solace as we each navigate our mental health journeys. Since 2015, we are so proud to have empowered a group of dedicated individuals to take on leadership roles and contribute to our ongoing operations. Moreover, in 2022, we opened up our mental health peer support facilitators training to the public with the intention to support emerging group leaders to set up their own support groups. Community care is so deeply valuable, and we hope to see this space continue to grow and thrive. Thank you to those who've reached out to share messages about their experience with how our support group has benefited their wellbeing.

When I first encountered a sudden loss, it dates back to 2014, when the mysterious disappearance of a plane from Malaysia to Beijing carried a friend of mine. Subsequently, over the past few years, I have endured the passings of my grandparents, one after another. Moreover, several individuals who once shared laughter and creativity with me through the same interests met tragic ends in car accidents, their departures all the more unexpected due to their youthful ages. Knowing there’s limited affordable therapy support out there, I am compelled to contribute to the well-being of those navigating the difficult journey of loss and grief within our community. I aspire to offer therapy services, partially on a pro bono basis, believing that such support can facilitate a smoother and more compassionate recovery process for those in need. Xiaojie Qin 回溯至2014年的那个瞬间，我初次遭遇了生命中突如其来的失去——那架自马来西亚飞往北京的航班悄然失踪，带走了我的一位朋友。此后数年，祖父母的相继离世又在我心中刻下了深深的烙印。而近两年间，两位正值青春、与我共享欢笑与创意的朋友，在车祸中骤然离世，他们的离去，如同璀璨星辰陨落。 作为心理咨询师，职业的界限虽让我无法直接为他们的亲友提供慰藉，但我希望其他那些在失去与悲伤中挣扎的人们带去一丝光亮。因此，我决定在接下来的半年里，以半公益的形式，特别为经济条件有限、正经历丧失之痛的朋友们开放咨询之门，引导和陪伴他们度过丧失的阴霾。 秦小杰 Details: This partial pro bono services is valid from Nov 2024-May 2025. Number: 2 spots Rate: 400rmb/session for 8 sessions in total. Any further continuation will be full price. Eligibility: For those who have lost someone, including pets, in the past 6 months. Loss could be natural death, death of accidents, and etc. For those who (may) experience prolonged grief disorder (see below). Language: English or Chinese, or a mixture of both Income: Priorities given to those with monthly income less than 15000rmb. If you have employment benefits includes therapy services, you are encouraged to use those services first. Therapist profile: Click on Xiaojie Qin , Psychotherapist and Director of CandleX Inquiries or booking: xiaojieqin2020@163.com 详情： 此心理咨询为半公益心理咨询，有效期：自2024年11月至2025年5月。 名额：2个名额 费用：总共8次，每次咨询400元人民币 （50分钟） 适用人群： 过去6个月内失去亲人（包括宠物）的人士，无论是自然死亡、意外死亡等。 (可能) 经历延迟哀伤障碍的人士（ 延长哀伤障碍科普， 请见此文)。 优先考虑月收入低于15000元人民币的人士。如果您的就业福利包括心理咨询服务，建议您首先使用这些服务。 语言：英语或中文，或两者混合使用。 治疗师简介： 秦小杰 ，心理咨询师，CandleX创始人及总监。详情请点击名字查看 咨询或预约：xiaojieqin2020@163.com Prolonged Grief Disorder The following information is taken from the Amercian Psychiatric Association Website:  https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/prolonged-grief-disorder

As part of our Teens Empowerment Project  this year, we invited our teen mentees to interview their parents on the topic of mental health. Talking about such sensitive topics as a family can be challenging. The aim of this project was to create an opportunity for our mentees to explore a different dynamic with their parents- one of emotional openness, vulnerability, mutual acceptance and support. As a mentor, I’m very proud of our teens for writing these articles which give us insight into the value of authentic communication between parents and children. Leo Yu, a grade 12 international school student in Beijing, has previously written on the topic of self-discovery in his article ‘What Do I Want to Do When I Grow Up’ | A Teenager’s Reflection . As an international student who has grown up in very different socio-cultural contexts from his parents, he is attuned to the impact these differences have had on communication within his family. While mentoring Leo for this project, I observed his keen interest in building an open conversation track with his parents and his desire for emotional closeness. His ability to organize and conduct this interview while studying in the US as his parents live in China, further shows his determination to bridge the distance and form a closer bond. In this article we see the powerful impact that can made by stepping outside our comfort zone. Sharon Liu CandleX Teens Mentor Sep 2024 Leo Yu G12 International School Student in Beijing 2024 “I’m doing well”, “I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed”, “I’m elated by what had been going around work.” These are some phrases and sayings you will never hear in my household and family. Yes, they are Chinese Asians. We never ask each other, like in western households, “How are you?” daily to the extent that it may seem awkward and unfitting to social-cultural norms here in China. Despite the constant repetition of this phrase in Western movies and vacations, I never questioned our differences in behavior. It was not until the summer of my junior year in high school that I began adopting and reciprocating with other Westerners similar greetings, such as “How was your day?”. It seemed weird and superficial at first, a procedural habit asked by people I met here in the States; I questioned, “I don’t even know you that well to be able to tell you what I really feel.” In fact, the people I tried conversing with did not seem to care much after inquiring about my current well-being, as if it was merely a customary and manner-related habit to ask “how are you” when approaching anyone on a daily conversation or a passing-by. But since they asked, I really wanted them to know. So I tried telling my feelings instead of what I was taught in school- “I’m fine, thank you,”- and to me, it felt great. I wondered why this wasn’t a common greeting in my family household. I never heard my father talk about how he might be stressed about work-related matters, or my mother conversing about how she felt as a housewife, or even myself expressing whether or not I felt depressed or overburdened with school & extracurricular activities. So, I decided to ask my parents about it- something that I had never and would never think to do before.  Preparing for this interview felt like I was planning a speech, a weird but also exciting experience as it had never occurred to me that preparation could be needed in order to converse with my parents. Due to geographic separation, as I was and am currently participating in a summer program in California while my parents are back in China, I decided to notify them before the interview of the content and its backstory, finally calling them later on video to reduce its artificiality. The responses and conversations that I had with both my parents seemed to be long overdue, and they still continue to resonate in my heart, for conversing about mental health was something my parents and I had never done before. The reasons that created this atmosphere of awkwardness and discomfort around emotional expression were attributed by both of my parents to their earlier education and familial-cultural norms during their childhoods. My grandparents from both sides, like my parents now, never spoke about their emotions- both positive and negative- which were kept hidden. The conversing of internal feelings was often seen as a sign of weakness and vulnerability, which was not valued and often scolded. In comparison to many of my Western friends who feel accepted and free to speak about their stresses and anxieties with their parents, my parents and I seem emotionless in a sense. The contrast between the two cultural approaches became increasingly apparent as our conversation continued. My parents explained how, in the traditional Chinese culture they are in, showing emotions or discussing personal struggles was often perceived as a disruption of harmony and social balance. It seems that the practices of my grandparents were deeply ingrained in them, teaching them to view emotional expressions as a private matter not to be shared publicly. Despite these cultural norms, my parents both recognized the importance of evolving our approach to mental health and emotional expression. I also acknowledged the drawbacks of the Western approach as it often gives a sense of superficiality since it was customary to ask during the strict control of Eastern culture; what I want to propose is a collective approach of the two. Overall, the interview felt just like any other conversation I would have with them on a daily basis as we spoke to one another in a neutral and peaceful tone, but it felt more heart-touching as it related to familial matters. This topic actually seemed to be expected by them, it’s just that they are always prudently waiting for me to take the first step of asking, believing that taking action might catch me off guard. Their responses shed light on why my family’s communication style often felt detached when compared to my friends, and it was during this interview that we all had important realizations. They acknowledged that having a non-judgmental environment for openly discussing mental health within the family could enhance understanding and support for one another in necessary times. I realized that this was the second time my parents and I had ever actually talked about our feelings without getting into an argument- and that is to me, rare. The understanding that my parents presented to me felt like a long-closed door of my heart being opened; this feeling of warmth and being understood flooded into me so strongly that I almost cried in front of them. Having my parents’ understanding will be greatly beneficial for my open expression of emotions in later conversations, for instance those regarding my future life. Reflecting on our insights, I began to appreciate my parents and myself for taking this step out of our comfort zones, helping us navigate the cultural differences in emotional expression. Ultimately, this dialogue with my parents was not just an exploration of their perspectives but a journey to a deeper understanding of our family dynamics, something that would have never happened if I did not ask. The discussion highlighted the need to bridge cultural gaps and integrate practices that promote emotional openness while respecting our heritage. Something that one could possibly implement here to mediate the balance would be hosting weekly or monthly family meetings where we could check-in with each other’s emotional state. If I were to say anything to adolescents around my age, taking this first step, settling down with my (your) parents in a non-judgmental, bias-free conversation would open the family to many more in the future.

As part of our Teens Empowerment Project  this year, we invited our teen mentees to interview their parents on the topic of mental health. Talking about such sensitive topics as a family can be challenging. The aim of this project was to create an opportunity for our mentees to explore a different dynamic with their parents- one of emotional openness, vulnerability, mutual acceptance and support. As a mentor, I’m very proud of our teens for writing these articles which give us insight into the value of authentic communication between parents and children. Katie Lai, a grade 12 international school student in Hongkong China, has previously written about her journey towards adulthood in her article “Inevitable Path to Freedom | Katie’s Story” . Through this project, I have gotten to know her as an insightful young woman with great awareness of self & others. Her sensitivity and capacity for introspection leads her to ask deep questions about the world within and around herself. Through initiating this conversation with her parents, she’s demonstrated the courage to remain open & curious while facing her fear of the unknown. Her reflection in this article illustrates the inner growth that can occur when embracing the potential of change. Sharon Liu CandleX Teens Mentor Sep 2024 Katie Lai G12 International School Student in Hongkong China Aug 2024 Never had I considered plunging into the topic of mental health with my parents, and whether I genuinely wanted that information was an immediate afterthought. It struck me like a “would-you-rather” dilemma: Would you prefer half of an explanation or no explanation at all? To be perpetually loud or eternally silent? To embrace the whole truth or live comfortably in ignorance? More often than not, I’d choose the latter. For me, forging a deep personal connection wasn’t a spectrum but a chasm between extremes. For some reason, the possibility of gaining a new perspective from my parents, who are supposed to be the closest to me, scared me. Sharing mental health issues, connecting through vulnerabilities, and being overtly expressional is encouraged more than ever in my community; it has become a communicative norm, like a door that remains open once it’s been unlocked. My loved ones, my best friends, my peers, and slowly but surely, my acquaintances, people I met for the first time, all started bringing emotional and mental well-being confessions to the table. As if revealing insecurities or deeply personal issues was a procedural requisite in order form a close bond with someone. But amidst quietly listening, and occasionally relating to their outpour of sensitive information, I can’t help but sit back and weigh up: do I really need, no actually…do I want to know that ‘side’ of them? Unmasking another’s mental state holds profound power, beyond the impacts often highlighted on social media like reducing stigma or promoting openness. On a personal level, talking about mental health directly proffers invisible power to another. It is an extended directory of what she/he had previously experienced, felt, and basically how he/she as an individual is consequentially…constructed. It’s similar to uncovering a template that a person has been innately provided to craft upon; you can view their chronology of strokes, what colors they chose to include, their use of varied dimensions. Comparing all this to what you had anticipated ultimately allows you to conclude exhaustively upon who they really are. This power holds ambivalent valence- it’s satisfying and fulfilling to know that you’ve gained a deeper connection with someone, but what if this new perspective differs entirely from your understanding of someone who you thought you knew? Would everything stay the same or would the way you interact with them change? Since I was taught proper manners and gratitude, I built a respectful relationship with my parents. They respected my space, and I, out of understanding, avoided confronting situations or information they purposely withheld from me. “Ignorance is bliss”; some things are just better off put away in the dark corner of the room simply because it wasn’t necessary to bring them to light. There was a mutual trust that my parents knew what was best for me to know (and not know), and conversely, I trusted that they also knew what was best for themselves. Our family conversations often revolved around practicality, future plans, and nonchalant lightweight opinions: “Wanna grab dinner tomorrow?”, “What are your university plans? Got any yet?”, “The Olympic opening ceremony this year was bizarre!”. The topic of mental health only emerged in conversation at family functions in the form of a joke, or a reason as to why some kids were failing school, or when mentioning people committing suicide; it was about everyone else but ourselves. Yet, even without personal mental health issues explicitly being voiced out in the household, my parents still knew me best, and vice versa. Thus, the dilemma of whether there was a need to penetrate the rudimentary cast of staying outside of personal matters had me baffled. Again, the possibility of gaining a new perspective from my parents scared me. How would opening this door change our relationship? But ultimately, my curiosity defeated all doubts. Approaching this topic with my parents required more self-reflection and planning than I initially anticipated; far more than what is needed for a casual informal interview. My Grandma recently passed away from old age, and being sensitive to the mental toll my parents were going through, I didn’t want to push anything. I was clueless about what I wanted to get out of the interview and only crafted a few general, conventionally mentioned mental health interview questions. Before I let conflicted thoughts of consideration cloud my brain any longer, I strode into my parent's room with my thin leaflet of prompts in hand and started the conversation off; I thought, let’s just see how it goes. Seeing my parents relaxing on the sofa watching TV, I briefly introduced them to the interview and explained what it was for. “I thought we always talked about this, no?” my dad turned to face me. Perhaps this wasn’t necessary after all? Did they think I knew them better than to be asking such questions? Actually, maybe they got the wrong notion. “No, not about mental health and psychology, I’m interviewing about you, about your mental health, dad.” “Oh that stuff… it isn’t something we think about a lot now, we’re getting old. I’m glad you asked though. Come sit, let's talk.” It turned out that, following my grandmother’s passing, my father had been reflecting deeply on death and the “ruthless brutality of nature”. He admitted that he had a hard time visualising that one day, he’ll also have to say his last goodbye. Absolutely stunned by my father’s candid disclosure, my mum felt encouraged to also share some of her recent personal struggles and reflections regarding her friendships. Reflecting on it now, I’m still amazed by how openly they spoke rather than following the prompts or providing an answer formally built upon a standard definition. It seemed like they were happier than ever to share their true thoughts & feelings with me. The interview transformed into a deep conversation that I hadn’t anticipated at all. As for the leaflet of prompts, I found it tucked underneath the cushion at the end of our discussion, completely forgotten. Walking out of my parents’ room, all my fears slowly dissipated, and I felt closer to them than ever. Throughout our conversation, I also shared with them my baffling inner conflict; fears of things changing once deeply personal matters were to be surfaced, but also my desire in getting to know my parents better. Hearing that, my parents encouraged me to ask or speak up about things without worrying that it may change the invisible ‘template’ of our relationship, because there actually isn’t any; I should not set aside my questions and thoughts in the name of blissful ignorance. They have noticed that I became quite reserved these few years and thought that I was perhaps going through my teenage phase of exploration. But I was relieved to find that my parents turned out to be much more transparent with discussing sensitive issues. With all honesty, they explained that there’s nothing to fear of change, because nothing is forever stable and promised. And so, I thought; right, nothing is really promised, why must I restrict my actions on extremities? After all, none of the fears I had imagined came to pass. I didn’t need to treat my parents any differently based on the new information I received, nor did they expect me to act on it in any particular way. Sometimes, we simply need an open ear as a form of release, without the expectation that anything must be done about it. Perhaps there are no clear-cut, yes-or-no, good-or-bad outcomes when it comes to deeply understanding someone and gaining new perspectives. And that ambiguity is precisely what makes the process so intriguing.