Xuanxuan (3)’s Self | Internal Family Systems Therapy (5)
- candleXJ
- 16 minutes ago
- 14 min read
To better understand Xuanxuan's story, please consider reading the previous two articles first.
此文是“来访璇璇咨询故事”的第三篇，为“内在家庭系统治疗（IFS）文章系列-秦小杰著”的第五篇。请阅读璇璇咨询故事的前两篇，文章为中英文
Author: Xiaojie Qin (Psychotherapist)
Time: Oct 2025. Beijing
“I Know, But I Can't." This was the dead end Xuanxuan (the client) and I (the therapist) reached after exhausting "top-down" therapeutic approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—methods that primarily rely on logic, cognition, and analysis to facilitate psychological intervention.
As her therapist, I began to doubt how else I could support her. In moments of frustration, I reminded myself to return to the most fundamental tenets of my profession: deepening my case conceptualization, seeking supervision, continually adjusting my own approach, focusing on each faint sign of her progress, and stubbornly anchoring my belief in the possibility that "we will eventually break through this impasse."
作者：秦小杰（心理治疗师，心理咨询师）
时间：2025年10月北京
“我都明白，就是过不好这一生” ——这是我和璇璇在将认知行为疗法（CBT）等“自上而下”（在心理学中常指通过逻辑、认知和分析来进行心理干预的方法）的咨询方法穷尽之后，共同走入的一个死胡同。
做为她的心理咨询师，我也开始怀疑自己还能如何帮助她。每当感受到挫败，我知道必须回到最基本的专业素养：深化个案概念化、督导，持续自我调适，专注于她每一点微弱的好转，并固执地将信念锚定在“我们终将突破瓶颈”的可能性上。
The Emergence of the "Self" in Meditation: Internal Family Systems Therapy (the Big S)
Yoga and meditation are daily practices I rely on for self-regulation. Had it not been for that immersive one-month yoga and meditation retreat in Thailand back in 2014, the following year’s pivotal turning point—founding CandleX—would not have happened. Since then, this routine has become deeply rooted in my life, a fundamental practice for grounding and self-awareness.
I naturally bring this meditative practice into my preparation for therapy sessions. Whenever I feel tangled by a challenging case, I return to this inner stillness to regain clarity. Closing my eyes and anchoring my attention on my breath, I sometimes touch a spacious silence beyond the noise of thoughts—like an airplane ascending through heavy clouds: no matter how fierce the storm below, above the clouds there is always a clear, boundless sky. And within each of us, beneath the churning clouds of mental clutter, lies that same serene and steady stillness.
The essence of the "Self" in IFS is just like this sky I encounter in meditation. As a therapist with ten years of meditation experience, I had already sensed a deep resonance with the heart of IFS before I formally encountered it. When I first learned about IFS, it felt like meeting an old friend I was always destined to know (see “A Gentle Intro | Introduction to Internal Family Systems Therapy (1) ”). IFS refers to it as "the Big S"—a concept that intersects with what other traditions and schools of thought have called "wise mind," "adult self," "true self," or "higher self."
At this point, you may sense that IFS has certain connections to religion, philosophy, and spiritual practice.
冥想中，家庭系统治疗（IFS）之「真我」的浮现
瑜伽（Meeting Myself on the Mat | Xiaojie's story with Yoga）与冥想，是我每日例行的自我调节方式。没有2014年在泰国那一个月沉浸式的瑜伽冥想之旅，就不会有第二年我人生中的重要转折——创立CandleX。自那时起，这个习惯便根植于我的生活，成为我静心与自我觉察的基础心灵保养。
冥想练习，我也自然地带入心理咨询准备工作中。每当内心被咨询中难解的结所困，我便回到这样的沉淀之中，重返内在的澄明。当我闭上眼睛，将注意力锚定于呼吸，有时能触及一种超越思绪纷扰的广阔宁静——如同飞机穿越厚重云层，无论下方是怎样的风雨雷电，云层之上，永远是一片清澈无垠的天空。而我们每个人的内心，无论有多么纷繁嘈杂的乌云，在其深处，都存在着那片安宁、恒定的晴空。
IFS中所说的「真我」（Self），其本质正如同冥想中我所体验到的这片天空。作为一名有十年冥想习练经验的咨询师，我在接触IFS之前，早已与它的核心精神产生共鸣。初次了解IFS时，我便有一种遇见命中注定的老朋友般的熟悉感（请见“温柔的前奏｜内在家庭系统治疗简介（1）”）。IFS用“大写的S”（The Big S）来指称它，这与许多流派和灵性传统中所描述的“明智心”（wise mind）、“成熟自我”（adult self）、“真我”（true self）、“高我”（higher self）等概念相通。讲到这里，大家也许会感觉到，IFS这个流派和宗教、哲学以及灵性修炼有些粘连了。
The Broader Landscape of IFS: Between Science and Spirituality
Those familiar with the history of psychology know that modern psychology branched off from philosophy about 150 years ago, attempting to study the human mind through scientific methods. Yet every school of psychology is built upon fundamental philosophical assumptions—such as the classic "nature versus nurture" debate—whose underlying premises are often difficult to fully validate through science alone. One such assumption is that of IFS: that every person possesses an innate and wise core, the "Self."
From a neuroscience perspective, IFS represents a typical "bottom-up" approach to psychological intervention—meaning it works from bodily sensations, emotional experiences, and other foundational signals—standing in direct contrast to the "top-down" method of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I routinely practice (for real-life illustrations of the limitations of CBT, see the second article in Xuanxuan's series: Xuanxuan (2): I Know, But I Can't).
The development of IFS by its founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz, is itself a story of extending from scientific empiricism toward the reality of the human spirit.
Trained rigorously in systemic family therapy, Dr. Schwartz initially operated from a purely scientific and empirical worldview. He was accustomed to understanding human struggles as results of systemic dysfunction and approached treatment by objectively observing and analyzing family interaction patterns, then designing interventions to alter those patterns.
It wasn't until the 1980s, while working with patients suffering from eating disorders, that he reached an impasse. He kept hearing clients say things like, "A part of me makes me binge, and I hate that part." This resonated with his systemic training. He began to view the individual's inner world as an "internal family" and started engaging in dialogue with the "part that caused the bingeing."
To his surprise, when he approached this seemingly destructive part with respect and curiosity, it began to reveal its protective role: the binge eating was an extreme strategy to shield the client from deeper pain—intense self-hatred or fear of abandonment.
More crucially, he found that when he guided clients to connect with the vulnerable, wounded part being protected, the "bingeing part" would relax its grip, no longer needing to intervene so drastically. Throughout this process, Schwartz repeatedly witnessed that no matter how severe a person's trauma, there seemed to remain an untouched, core essence within them—characterized by calm, curiosity, and compassion. Healing naturally unfolded when approached from this place, known in IFS as the "Self."
This discovery led him, once a staunch materialist, to embrace the spiritual dimension of human inner experience.
IFS的宏大图景：在科学与灵性之间
了解心理学历史的人知道，现代心理学在约一百五十年前从哲学母体中分离，试图用科学方法研究人的内心。然而，每个心理学流派都始于一些基本的哲学假设（例如关于人类发展经典的“先天与后天之争”），这些底层假设往往难以用科学完全证实。IFS的假设——即人拥有一个天生的、充满智慧的「真我」核心——便是其中之一。而从脑神经学的角度，IFS就是一个典型的“由下自上”（指从身体感觉、情绪体验等底层信号入手进行干预）的心理干预方式，和我常规使用的“自上而下”的认知行为治疗刚好相反（关于认知行为的局限性在实操中的体现，请看来访璇璇咨询文章第二篇：来访璇璇(2)：我都知道，但做不到）。
IFS的创始人理查德·施瓦茨（Richard Schwartz）博士，创立IFS的这个过程，就是一个从科学实证走向心灵真实的故事。
作为一名受系统式家庭治疗严格训练的咨询师，理查德·施瓦茨最初的世界观是纯粹科学和实证的——习惯于将人的问题理解为系统功能失调的结果，治疗流程上，从外部观察、分析家庭互动模式，并设计干预措施来改变这些模式。
直到上世纪80年代，他在治疗进食障碍患者时陷入困境，反复听到来访者说出这样的话：“有一个部分让我暴食，而我恨那个部分。”这句话触动了他作为系统治疗师的敏感。他转而将来访者的内心也视为一个“内在家庭”，尝试与那个“导致暴食的部分”对话。令他惊讶的是，当他以尊重和好奇靠近那个看似破坏性的部分时，它竟开始表达自己背后的承担：原来，暴食只是一种极端的保护策略，目的是帮助来访者逃避更深层的痛苦——比如强烈的自我憎恨或被抛弃的恐惧。
更关键的是，他发现当引导来访者去接触那个被它保护着的、脆弱受伤的内在部分时，那个“暴食的部分”便会自动放松下来，不再需要以激烈的方式介入。在这一过程中，施瓦茨一次次见证到，无论一个人的创伤有多深重，他们内在似乎始终存在一个核心的、未曾受伤的所在——它自然具备冷静、好奇与慈悲。只要从这个被称为「真我」的位置出发，疗愈便会自然展开。
这个发现，让他从纯粹的唯物主义者，衍生出拥抱人类内在的灵性维度。
This story resonates deeply within me.
My own growth trajectory, like that of many others, began in a world predominantly constructed by rationality. During my student years, I excelled in mathematics and science. My rigorous logical thinking not only earned me an opportunity to pursue advanced studies in Belgium free of charge but also helped me obtain a Master's degree in Development Evaluation and Management with distinction. In my professional career, I started as a project coordinator and, through clear thinking and solid execution, gradually advanced to the position of "Monitoring and Evaluation Specialist" in a well-known reputable international organization.
However, this lifestyle heavily reliant on "top-down" thinking, though precise and efficient, gradually revealed its mechanical nature—life seemed reduced to a precise yet cold algorithm, where any intuitive impulses or crucial emotional cues in important decisions were selectively ignored. Precisely because of this, while strictly following the "optimal life path" I had designed, I repeatedly found myself sinking into depression, forced to hit the pause button on life.
It wasn't until I began consistently practicing meditation and actively developing those neglected "innate qualities" that my life underwent a transformative change. I started to “surf life”—no longer struggling against the waves of life but learning to sense their power and dance with them.
All of this has solidified my belief: the most "advanced technique" a therapist can employ is precisely the therapist's own well-integrated and healed self. Without the support of inner wisdom and genuine personal experience, any school's techniques are rootless. For me, IFS is not just a therapeutic model—it validates the personal growth I have undergone, both for myself and for my clients.
This profound personal experience is equally reflected in my professional journey. My second Master's degree was in Counseling at Monash University in Australia. Beyond its reputation as a renowned counseling program, another reason for choosing it was its primary focus on "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." In the early stages of my therapy career, CBT's simple and elegant framework was clear, structured, and aligned with my thinking habits. But soon, I reached its limits. It was this sense of limitation that propelled me to explore "bottom-up" approaches to psychotherapy, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), hypnotherapy, and Internal Family Systems (IFS).
这段故事，在我心中激起了深深的共鸣。
我个人的成长轨迹，和很多你我一样，同样始于一个由理性构筑为主体的世界。学生时代，我在数理学科中表现出色，严谨的逻辑思维不仅为我赢得了远赴比利时免费深造的机会，更让我以优异成绩获得了「发展评估与管理」高级硕士学位。职业生涯里，我从最初的项目协调员起步，凭借清晰的思维和扎实的执行，一步步走向国际组织中的“项目监测与评估专家”岗位。
然而，这种高度依赖“自上而下”思维的生活方式，虽精准高效，却也逐渐显露出它机械的一面——生命仿佛被简化为一套精密却冰冷的算法，任何直觉的涌动、重要选择上至关重要的情绪线索，都被我选择性忽视。也正因如此，当我严格遵循自己设计的“最优人生路径”前行时，却数次走入抑郁的困境，不得不按下生活的暂停键。
直到我开始坚持冥想，主动去发展那些被忽略的“天性”，我的生活发生了天翻地覆的变化。我找到了一种前所未有的“冲浪感”——不再是用力对抗生命的浪潮，而是学习感知它的力量，与之共舞。
这一切让我坚信：一个咨询师所能运用的最“高级技术”，恰恰是经过深度整合与疗愈的咨询师自身的强大的“真我”。没有内在的智慧与真实的体验作为支撑，任何流派的技术都只是无根之木。IFS于我，不仅是一个流派，它更验证了我一路走来的个人成长——无论是我的，还是我的来访者的。
这份深刻的个人体验，同样映照在我的专业道路上。我的第二个硕士学位，就读于澳大利亚莫纳西大学心理咨询专业，除了它是澳洲知名心理咨询硕士项目外，另一个原因是它主要教授的就是“认知行为治疗”，在咨询职业初期，CBT简单优美的框架非常清晰、有条理，符合我的思维习惯。但很快，我触及了它的天花板。正是这份局限感，推动我探索“自下而上”的心理治疗方式，包括眼动脱敏与再加工治疗（EMDR）、催眠，以及我内在家庭系统治疗（IFS）等。
The Treasure in IFS: The 8C Qualities of the “Self”
How can we recognize the "Self"? Different cultures and faiths envision it through various forms—perhaps as Christ, as a Bodhisattva, or as Allah—embodying the exact same qualities as the “Self”. In the context of IFS,it’s perceived as a state of being. When a person is grounded in the "Self," they naturally embody eight core qualities, summarized as the "8Cs":
Curiosity: A genuine, non-judgmental interest in every part of one's inner world.
Calm: A profound inner peace that remains steady even amidst emotional storms.
Clarity: The ability to perceive and understand complex internal states without being clouded by emotions.
Compassion: Deep care and understanding for one's own suffering and that of others.
Confidence: A sense of certainty that arises from within, independent of external validation.
Courage: The willingness to face and touch upon inner wounds and fears.
Creativity: The capacity to respond to life's challenges with flexibility and openness.
Connectedness: The experience of deep connection with oneself, others, and the larger whole.
These 8Cs are not virtues we must strive to build, but rather the natural radiance of life that flows through us when our internal system is led by the "Self." They are the inherent brilliance of the "Self," already whole and complete.
IFS中的珍宝：真我的8C品质
如何辨认“真我”？不同的文化与信仰以不同的形象描绘它——或许是基督，是菩萨，是真主。而在IFS的语境中，我们不借助具体形象，而是通过一种存在的状态来感知它。当一个人处于“真我”之中时，会自然地呈现出八种核心品质，它们被概括为“8C”(2)：
Curiosity（好奇心）：对自己内在的每一个部分都抱有真诚的、不评判的兴趣。
Calm（平静）：一种深层的内在安宁，即使在情绪风暴中也能保持镇定。
Clarity（清晰）：能够清晰地感知和理解内在的复杂状态，不被情绪所混淆。
Compassion（慈悲）：对自身和他人的痛苦抱有深切的关怀与理解。
Confidence（信心）：一种源于内在的、不依赖于外界评价的笃定感。
Courage（勇气）：敢于直面并触碰内在的伤痛与恐惧。
Creativity（创造力）：能够以灵活、开放的方式应对生活中的挑战。
Connectedness（连接感）：体验到与自身、他人乃至更大整体的深刻联结。
这8C并非需要努力打造的美德，而是当我们的内在系统由“真我”领导时，自然流露出的生命状态。它们是“真我”本自具足的光辉。
Roll with the Forces: Moving Through Therapeutic Stagnation
Thus, I began to integrate this practice into my work with Xuanxuan—not only during our sessions but also in my preparation for each meeting. There were days, I sat down on my mat, intentionally engaged in loving-kindness meditation, gently bringing her image to mind, visualizing her body gradually relaxing and her expression softening into peace. Through visualization exercises, I pictured her finding ease in both her work and parenting, her life improving tangibly. What began as a notably challenging practice evolved to a point where, upon closing my eyes, these positive images would arise naturally.
These exercises and preparatory work allowed the countertransference I had previously experienced—the confusion, frustration, and unease—to gradually dissipate, replaced by a calm curiosity. For a therapist, this is one of the most precious gifts IFS offers: it gently yet powerfully helps us settle our own emotional turbulence. As I learned to see her "Self" in my mind's eye, I became better equipped to guide her in session to connect with that ever-present, whole essence within her.
This shift from "fighting against parts" to "facing them with curiosity" lies at the very heart of IFS work—learning to unblend from the parts, pivoting from fighting them to being curious and compassionate about them. It is the shift from being the part to observing the part.
Xuanxuan's emotional world was like a completely unbalanced seesaw, rarely finding stable middle ground. At the high extreme, she seemed driven by an invisible tyrant (a Manager), transforming into a perpetual motion machine that couldn't stop, forcing herself to juggle countless tasks simultaneously—this wasn't genuine vitality, but a relentless, driven anxiety. In the depths of depression, it was as if water had been thrown on that overheating machine (a Firefighter); she would completely shut down, entering a forced state of hibernation, powerless to respond to any external stimuli.
Two mutually exclusive and hostile parts within Xuanxuan had revealed themselves. In the next chapter, I will reconstruct segments from our sessions to help you understand these two key parts: the Manager and the Firefighter.
以柔克刚：内关中突破咨询瓶颈
于是，我尝试将这样的修炼融入与璇璇的工作中——不只在咨询室内，也包括在每一次为她准备咨询时。除了思考方向，我会特意进行慈悲冥想（love and kindness meditation），将她的形象轻柔地带入心中，观想她的身体逐渐放松，面容趋于平和；我通过视觉化练习，想象她在工作与教育子女中都找到一份从容，生活得到切实改善。这个练习从最初非常困难，到后来只要闭上眼睛，那些积极的画面便能自然呈现。
这些练习与咨询准备，让我之前所体验到的困惑、烦躁与不安的反移情渐渐消散，取而代之的是一种平静的好奇。而对咨询师而言，这正是IFS最珍贵的馈赠之一——它以柔和而有力的方式，协助我们安顿自身的情绪波澜。当我能在心灵之眼中看见她的「真我」，我也就更能够在咨询中引导她去触碰那个始终存在的完整本质。
这种从“对抗部分”转向“好奇面对部分”的转变，正是IFS工作的核心——学会与各个部分解离（unblend from the parts），从对“抗转”向“好奇”，这是从“作为那个部分”到“观察那个部分”的转变。
旋旋的情绪世界，像一架彻底失衡的跷跷板，几乎从未找到过稳定的中间地带。在情绪高涨的极端，她仿佛被一个看不见的暴君（管理者）所驱使，化身为无法停止的永动机，强迫自己同时处理无数事务——那不是真正的活力，而是一种被无形之力裹挟、无法停息的焦灼。而在抑郁的深渊中，那台快烧起来的永动机仿佛被浇了水（消防员），她彻底陷入宕机，进入一种被迫的休眠，无力回应任何来自外界的刺激。
璇璇内心的两个互相排斥和敌对的部分显现出来。下一章我会还原我们咨询中的片段，带大家理解管理者和消防员这两个关键部分。
Notes:
This article was originally written in Chinese by the author and subsequently translated into English with the assistance of Deepseek.
The expanded explanation of the 8Cs here was elaborated by Deepseek.
This article is published with the client's informed consent, adhering to the Xiaojie’s Intentions and Principles for Writing Therapy Stories.
This piece is the third installment in the "Therapeutic Story of Client Xuanxuan" series and the fifth article in the "Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy Article Series - by Qin Xiaojie."
备注:
作者用中文写作，后经Deepseek翻译成英文。
此处8C的延展解释，由Deepseek完成描述。
文章由来访同意授权后发表，秉持《咨询故事写作初心和原则》
本文中所涉及的个案分享，已获得来访者的事先知情同意。为最大限度保护来访者隐私，所有个人识别信息均已进行深度匿名化处理。本文旨在分享心理学知识，任何案例均不具备唯一对应性，请勿对号入座。
Comments