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Lilian, born in Fujian China, studies at Madeira High School in Virginia, the USA. She wrote to us sharing her experiences with school bullying both in China and in the USA. Author: Lilian Huang (pseudonym for privacy) Wrote in: 2021 I will start my story from the last year of my preschool. I moved from a small town in China to the city and transferred to another school. The new school was different from the one I attended previously because it was a private school that taught some English and other courses. The first days of school seemed to go well. But things changed when the head of a group of boys began giving me trouble. I didn’t know why he picked me, whether it was because he did not like me or because he just wanted to have some fun. Most times, bullying happens without a proper reason. They began noticing how different I was from them. I was different because I didn’t know how to write or speak English, and I couldn’t do calculations well since my previous school did not teach these things. My appearance was also different. I had short hair like the boys, I was taller than other kids, and I was a bit chubbier than the other girls. These differences all became the reasons for them to insult me. They called me names like “bumpkin,” “stupid,” and “fat pig.” But that wasn’t all. They pulled my hair, pushed me, and punched me. These memories have faded, and I can’t remember the details of the entire story. However, there are some moments embedded in my memory. Those moments of helplessness seemed like I stayed in a deep black hole with no light at all. One day, when those boys had beat me up again, I ran to my teacher. I wanted her attention so badly, and I used all my strength to grab her by shaking her clothes. For me, I was firmly grasping onto my last hope of help. She was the only one who might help. She was standing beside the lockers writing something. I was crying while I told her what had happened. But no matter how much I tugged at her clothes and asked for her help, she did not even look at me. She was looking at the book, and her hands kept holding the pen and writing. She glanced at me for only one second and continued her work. I saw merely coldness in her eyes. Then, I heard the words that I cannot forget: “I’m busy right now. They are just playing with you.” My parents were always busy with their work and didn’t have time for me, even after telling them what happened. My dad was working abroad at that time and didn’t spend much time at home. My mom went to work before I got up every day and often came back home after I went to bed. We could only spend time together on the weekends. I told them what happened in school, but they thought there was only half a year left for me until I went to primary school. They believed I should either tell the teacher or solve the problem by myself. I also told my grandma about the bullying, who thought I should avoid trouble by not telling others about it. Growing up, my family only taught me not to cause trouble. They didn’t teach me how to set bottom lines when interacting with others, nor how to protect myself when needed. At the time, I didn’t realize this was bullying. Only when I look back at it now, I realized the influence it had on me. For years, this experience of being neglected made me believe that I’m not an important person. I made a lot of effort to try to make others notice me and like me. Regardless of how great my friends described me as a person, how good my grades were, or how well I was at many things, I was never confident about myself. At that time, my mindset contributed to why I was bullied again and why I continue to feel even badly about it many years later. Sources of the pictures: https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/a-viral-video-draws-attention-to-the-effects-of-bullying-but-what-needs-to-be-done/ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-face-your-bully-when-you-go-back-to-school https://www.secureteen.com/bullying-prevention/teens-should-know-the-right-way-to-stop-bullying/

In 2021, we aim to host monthly movie nights with different partners to raise awareness on mental health. We kicked off the program with Camera Stylo on Sunday, 7th of February 2021. We had a full house of attendees gathered at Camera Stylo to take in Mariel’s account of her troubled family history. The documentary screened, Running From Crazy (2013), chronicles the multiple mental illnesses running through the Hemingway family, from the esteemed writer through his son, his model granddaughters right down to the youngest generation with both nuance and emotion. Following the documentary, counsellor Rachel George took the stage to answer questions from the audience and provide thoughtful insight into mental illnesses, mental health and how we perceive the struggles that might come with them. The documentary, directed by Barbara Kopple, was a decently hard pill to swallow, tackling a myriad of personal difficulties. Camera Stylo provided a mellow, ambient backdrop (and wonderful drinks during the intermission!) to allow us the peace of mind to digest what we were seeing. The film hung in the air after it was done, prompting a lot of thoughtful questions from the audience members, which were skillfully, empathetically and competently fielded by the evening’s guest, Rachel George. Rachel started the Q&A off with a short briefing on the notes she took during the movie, cautioning against the use of the word “crazy”, as it perpetuates stigma around mental health issues. The questions quickly evolved into a respectful and engaging back and forth between her and the audience. Topics addressed included how one might tell when someone you know is struggling, whether or not there is a genetic component to mental illness, what to do when someone close to you is refusing treatment or in denial, and how familial relationships with mentally ill people can be very nuanced. Overall, the night seemed to be a success, and we give special thanks to Rachel George for her time, engagement and enthusiasm, to Camera Stylo for the amazing venue, and to everyone who showed us support by showing up, donating, asking questions and/or listening. In honor of World Bipolar Disorder Day on the 30th of March, we will be hosting a movie on that topic next month. To do this, we are partnering with “World of Bipolar”, who use personal story-telling to raise awareness about bipolar disorder in China through writing and documentaries. Stay tuned! In the meantime, if you are looking for information on community support or treatment availability on mental illness in China, check out our “pre-treatment guidance” program and our “peer support group” program.

On Tuesday March 20th, Xiaojie, our founder and director, was invited to speak at the Rotary Club’s weekly luncheon. We were joined by 15 participants to discuss the ongoing Candlex Support Meetings at the Beijing Lufthansa Center Kempinski Hotel. Although it was a short gathering, it was, nonetheless, very rewarding. Xiaojie first introduced herself and CandleX, then continued to discuss her teachings and learnings from the support group meetings: who attends, what happens during these meetings, why people choose to attend and how they provide support. She explained that hearing the stories told during these sessions always strikes a chord in her heart; seeing others open up and be vulnerable seems to be therapeutic for many of the participants, including Xiaojie herself. After 30 minutes of Xiaojie’s introduction, the talk proceeded to a short Q&A session, where members of the Rotary Club asked Xiaojie questions such as the Chinese social norm and culture around mental health, and the individual and social support for people with mental illness. This event was certainly a great way for CandleX to be involved with our local community. It is always so lovely to see people interested and willing to engage with discussing mental illness. CandleX works for the benefit of you, and through advocating this awareness for three years now, we’ve realized that without it is only with the avid support and enthusiasm of organizations in our community are we able to thrive. Before the end of the session, the ultimate concluding note for everyone was “What is the plan for preserving your emotional wellbeing?” We hope that this event was beneficial for all that attended. For anyone interested in participating in similar events in the future, keep an eye out for our regular updates by subscribing to our Wechat account, and please do not hesitate to partake in our biweekly support group meetings if you going through depression and severe anxiety. We look forward to seeing many of you there! #depression #bipolardisorder #mentalhealth #Beijing #peersupportgroup

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Well it certainly did on December 2 when CandleX hosted its inaugural 'Carols by Candlelight'. More than 70 people gathered at Portal Cafe to sing along to Christmas carols led by singers from acapella group Jing Sing. With songbooks and candles in hand, they sang a selection of favourite Christmas songs including Away in a manger and Jingle Bells. Jing Sing also performed a few songs, captivating the audience with their amazing harmonies. The MC of the evening was Xiaojie who is the founder of CandleX. She explained that funds raised from this event would go towards the Moodlab art education book. She also showcased a series of striking images that will feature in this book. It was a wonderful evening filled with music and joy. CandleX would like to thank Portal Cafe for providing their lovely space, the singers from Jing Sing and of course the volunteers at CandleX. Merry Christmas!

It’s been a year! There has been so much heightened emotion experienced this year and there is so much so say about what we have been done. I am just glad CandleX made it through a tough birth year, and I know for sure, it's not just because of my effort. It's because of OURS! I wouldn't have come this far without the full support of my friends – you have supported me and I deeply appreciate it. Our volunteers have invested so much time and energy – you have really helped to make my dreams and goals a reality. And you! The participants - you have trusted us and offered up your time to join in our event. Thank you for joining. We would be an empty room without you. Let’s take a look at the key baby steps that CandleX has taken this year.

On Saturday, April 10, 2021, CandleX and the Goethe-Institut China co-hosted the third Mental Health Movie screening, joined by psychologist Dr. Theo A. Cope. To embrace the diversity of the Beijing community, this event was conducted in four languages, including English, Chinese, German and Chinese sign language. The event was held at the Goethe-Institut China premises in the 798 district with a full turnout and fruitful mental health presentation and discussion afterward. The movie “The Forest for the Trees” (Der Wald vor lauter Bäumen)—directed by Maren Ade (2001)—was selected for the occasion, a touching portrayal of the struggles of a high school teacher who is confronted with a reality that is harsher than expected. Despite being Ade’s thesis for film school, it was awarded several international prizes, including the Indie Lisboa Festival (Portugal), the Newport Film Festival, and the Valencia Golden Jove Film Festival (Spain). The artistic value of the work consisted not only in its well-balanced esthetics but also in the deep psychological understanding and rendition of human-nature, interpersonal relations, and everyday difficulties and coping mechanisms. After the screening, Dr. Theo A. Cope, a psychologist from Raffles Medical Clinic in Beijing, presented the attachment theory (created by Psychologists John Bowlby's with Mary Ainsworth), and guided the audiences to understand it with the lead character in the movie. He also presented a conflict resolution model that we could use in everyday life to improve our relationships with other people. We ended the event with a Q&A session where many good questions on relationships, interpersonal communication questions were answered. The CandleX Movie Nights series was started in February 2021 to raise awareness and improve the understanding of mental health conditions through movies and documentaries. Each screening is followed by a Q&A session with a counselor or expert in the field, who helps the audience debunk false myths surrounding mental health and better understand what mental health conditions are to reduce stigma and discrimination. For more info on the CandleX Mental Health Movie series and our upcoming screenings, please add Laura on WeChat: LauraAmaranta

11pm at the ticket desk for CandleX’s 2 Year Birthday Party It was packed! Streams of people jammed at the ticket desk to see some of the best bands in town performing. At one point, people were even standing on the stair case to watch below since the floor was completely full! Check out the video below for our 2 year anniversary party. CandleX turned 2 on the 1st of April, 2017. If you are watching from within China, please click here to watch. What a special day for us! And what a special day for the community! For 2 years, we’ve been building connections in the community with the vision that everyone, in any mental condition, would be acknowledged, accepted and supported. We all have been through difficult times, but what could be better than holding hands and getting through it together? “In our 2 years of work, there have been countless moments when I saw the power of connection manifested trough conversation and sharing about mental health, along with the power of a positive and supportive environment to do so. Turning a struggle into the strength to power through difficult times”; “It's exhausting of course, running a startup NGO, but each time someone expresses their gratitude towards the work we’ve done, that serves as the fuel to drive us forward. 2 years passed in the blink of an eye, and I know there will be many, many more to come” ~Xiaojie If you are watching from within China, please click here to watch. Xiaojie - founder and executive director So the CandleX team invited the Beijing community to its 2-year anniversary. It was an evening filled with live music, performances, socializing, and celebrations. The event was attended by an estimate of around two hundred people, who helped not only to raise funds for CandleX, but also raise the roof of Modernista. The event consisted of two parts. In the afternoon people had a chance to join different types of dance workshops – Belly Dancing, Contact Improv Dance, and Xiaojie’s own favorite, Swing dance. People of all genders and all levels could explore their creativity and open up to new experiences with professional teachers and fellow community members. The second part of the event began at 8PM, with Modernista opening up its doors to everyone. It included a swing dance performance, talks, and live band performances from Nathan and Carl and Tavey Lean and the Solid Gold Dream Machine, who got the crowd on their feet and dancing until well into the night. The party was not only for the community to enjoy great music and win amazing raffle prizes, but also to learn more about the people behind CandleX. Thus, the executive director and founder Xiaojie Qin took some time to introduce the organization, its purpose, and wholeheartedly thank the volunteers, the sponsors, and the attendees. All the proceedings of the evening will help us continue to do more mental health projects in Beijing. Keep supporting each other and follow our coming activities through our WeChat account. The event was supported by amazing sponsors, such as the Inko Tribal Bellydance Studio, Modernista, Swing Beijing, numerous big and small local Beijing organizations and businesses. We would also like to thank the musicians from Nathan and Carl and Solid Gold for graciously donating their time for free. It’s personally touching to see so many from the Beijing community so willingly give their time and services to many great causes such as CandleX. Enough with the wordy explanations, we invite you to enjoy all the great photos from the event below! Specials thanks to all our sponsors.

One of the questions that we most frequently receive is, “I am feeling depressed. What can I do?” In our answer, we always include this element: Try Meditation! This ancient practice has been studied in Cognitive Therapy in the past few decades. Continued studies have shown the positive effect of regular meditation practice on mental wellbeing. Come and join us at BarCamp this Saturday night to hear about our personal experiences with the practice of meditation and treatment of depression. Founder of CandleX, Xiaojie, turned to mindfulness practice to cope with depression, and along the way, the deepening of her practice has helped her to decrease the likelihood of a relapse. She will speak about her journey, and also about how we can begin and then continue a mindfulness practice. Come join us at Bar Camp, and many other inspirational speakers and topics

On July 17, 2016, art appreciators from around Beijing met at the We+ Coworking space in 798 to experience “Bipolar,” a collective art exhibition exploring the expression of opposing natures. Sponsored by The French Lab, the event featured work by many excellent local artists such as Laurent Hou, Filippo Cardella, Anthony Ragucci and Nate Rood, and was described by the curators as a, “psychotic show that explores differences, potentiality and limits of professionalism and naïveté to break the tight boundaries where art has been secluded.” In keeping with the spirit of the event, CandleX was invited to give a short talk to those in attendance, to inform and educate on the real nature of bi-polar disorder as a mental illness. Marco Brun del Re was enlisted to serve as representative, and was presented with the mission to first share with his audience the experience of his own personal story with bi-polar, and then use this to describe the attributes of creativity and intelligence commonly associated with the disorder, while finally emphasizing the importance of empathy and compassion towards the bi-polar/depressive community. In doing so, Marco was able to conclude by illustrating the nature of CandleX’s mission statement: to increase awareness and knowledge of depression and bi-polar disorder, reduce social stigma, and provide social support for those afflicted. Marco Brun del Re at the bipolar exhibition There were roughly 200 attendees at the exhibition and around 70 were there for the talk, and they had free roam of the space for the rest of the evening. Despite the poor acoustics of the room and the difficulty hearing for most of the audience, the presentation was well attended, and was even described by one listener as resembling a “TED talk.” It was Marco’s first attempt at public speaking, and the talk was well received. We hope at least for some of the listeners, a new perspective was shed on the relationship between art and life. It was the first time Candlex had engaged a representative to spread awareness on depression. Marco engaged the audience with his sincerity and openness that has always had an impact on people. Like we believe, you don’t always know who is listening, but you might have made a difference. This will be an on-going effort to engage more inspiring members to advocate for mental health, to empower others whose voice is still blocked by fear and shame. You can also find Marco’s personal story in CandleX’s column: My Story with Depression.

Depression in China among teenage students has worsened, given the increasing competition of academic achievement, and the impact of China’s fast development on Chinese traditional value for students from well off families. On June 18th, 2016 CandleX held a depression workshop for Elite Scholars of China (ESC). Elite Scholars of China aims to educate China’s top high school students about their undergraduate options in the United States. The students who attended the presentation recently graduated from high school and all will be moving abroad to the United States to attend college in the fall. Our CandleX Technical Advisor, Melena Slaven, M.A., conducted the presentation. Melena is a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor and Certified National Counselor. The presentation included a 90-minute multi-media and interactive workshop followed by a Q&A session. The goal was to inform the students about depression, suicide, and to promote self-care, as the students will be moving into a high pressure environment in a new culture. Students were encouraged to be aware of the symptoms of depression in themselves and fellow peers and were taught how to respond when they see the signs. This workshop contributes to Candlex’s goal to improve the mental health in China. Melena covered the prevalence of depression and suicide in college students. Surprisingly, 36.4% of college students reported they experienced some level of depression in 2013. (Association for University and College Counseling Center Directors) and depression is the number one reason students drop out of school. If left untreated, depression could lead to other symptoms/problems or suicide. Statistics show that 10% of college students have thought about or made a plan to commit suicide. There are over 1,000 suicidal deaths on college campuses in the U.S. every year, as reported by Emory University. Most importantly, students were encouraged to seek out help from their campus mental health center and to not feel shame for reaching out for help. Depression is a serious issue, but we don’t have to treat talking about it as if it is the plague. CandleX’s workshops all take an easy to digest approach by using role play, multi-media, group work and reflecting exercises. Afterwards, Melena was very happy to receive positive feedback from the students. Students reported being very thankful to receive the information. Some students reported that the presentation was “inspirational!” CandleX hopes that this presentation will become an annual event for agencies and schools that work with students. The small steps we take build our resilience against mental illness as well as reduce the stigma to discussing it and seeking help when necessary. Still, 350 million people in the world suffer from depression (for more info on depression statistics, please go to Candlex Classroom). That means you probably know someone who is currently suffering or has suffered in the past. However, you may not know who this person is. It can be your friend, colleague, or even a family member. We want to tell those that have depression that there is help in Beijing and to inform those who don’t have depression how they can help. If you think your workplace, school, or organization could benefit from a workshop such as this one, email us at info@candlex.cn When we start to talk about depression we start to heal. #Beijing #mentalhealth #depression #bipolar #anxiety

Mental illness is a huge taboo in China. There is a lot of social stigma related to mental health and the majority of people who are affected by it do not have even a basic understanding of what is going on or can be done to help. Most end up suffering in silence, as they do not know who to talk to or even how to tell their story. The fist step towards recovery is to talk about it, to shed light on the illness. Simply saying, “I need help” can open the door to recovery. It is equally important for those who are not suffering to know how to interact with and support those who are. In June 2015, CandleX went to Thailand and produced a documentary that tells the stories of 4 people’s experiences with depression. These stories serve to educate society about depression and this contributes to a reduction in stigma being directed towards those suffering from depression. They also help to encourage and comfort those who are personally experiencing depression. Join Us for a Screening: 19:30-21:00,16th May Bookworm Sanlitun, Beijing For registration: email: info@candlex.cn Past Screenings: Dec, 2015 Moishe House Mar, 2016 Beijing Mindfulness Center Click here to watch the trailor. We’d like to give special thanks to the bright and warm spirits were brave enough to share their stories with us. Thank you New Life Foundation for graciously hosting CandleX and allowing this documentary to become a reality. #depression #mentalhealth #Beijing

CandleX hosted a documentary screening at the Beijing Mindfulness Center. The documentary, “The Tiny Little Box” is CandleX’s own production and was shot in Thailand in 2015. The documentary follows four individual’s stories about their struggles with depression. It also speaks to two mindfulness practitioners about their stories. After the film concluded, a Q&A session was held. We discussed the basics of mental health such as why depression happens, what causes it to start and end, and also how you can help friends or family deal with depression. We thrive to create a non-judgmental, caring and knowledgeable environment to raise awareness about depression. Depression can happen to all of us regardless of our social status, economic status, and beliefs. When we start to talk about depression, we start to heal. Local Resources for Social Support CandleX’s Peer Support Group Every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month, CandleX hosts a Peer Support Group. This is where people in any mental state can go and share openly in a confidential setting. Please scan the QR code below to reserve your spot or to contact us with any questions you may have. Beijing Mindfulness Center/Small Steps Office The Beijing Mindfulness Center was created so that Beijing could have a calm place where Beijing residents can go to relax and reconnect with their inner self through the practice of mindfulness. Dalida Turkovic, the founder of the Beijing Mindfulness Center and acting life coach, is committed to bringing this type of setting to the Beijing community. At the Beijing Mindfulness Center, growth, curiosity, positivity, self-awareness and non-judgment are the guiding values. For more information on the Beijing Mindfulness Center please visit their website, www.beijingmindfulness.com Call for More Screenings CandleX is always looking for more places to screen our documentary and after each screening we will give presentations and/or have a discussion on depression. Our goal is to raise awareness and increase the community’s knowledge about depression. If anyone is interested in breaking the silence of depression, please contact us through our wechat account (scan below). Stay in touch with CandleX for more updates on events and workshops by scanning our QR code below. #mentalhealth #depression #Beijing