Xuan (7) Role Play: A Detour from a Modality

This article was originally written in Chinese by the author Qin Xiaojie (Counselor, Psychotherapist) and later translated into English by DeepSeek, adhering to the original intent of the writing and the ethical principles of writing about client experiences.

文章由作者秦小杰（心理咨询师，心理治疗师）用中文写作（向下滑动到后半部分可见），后经Deepseek翻译成英文，秉持：写作初心和来访咨询故事写作伦理原则。

Author: Xiaojie Qin

Time: Feb 2026

Deviating from the Theoretical Course: A Creative Choice Rooted in the Present

In the previous chapter, we explored a distinctive concept within Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: the “waiting room”. Following the classic IFS protocol, after inviting a “Protector” part to step aside, the next step typically involves a deeper “unburdening” or “healing ritual” for the “Exile” part, what Dr. Richard Schwartz describes as practices borrowed from shamanic tradition, designed to witness and transform those long-suppressed core emotions carried by the exile. I will return to explore that process in a later chapter.

In this chapter, I want to share a core belief that guides all my therapeutic work: every truly effective session unfolds in the creative encounter between theory and the immediate present.

On the real journey of therapy, I navigate by constantly assessing the current conditions: the passenger’s state (the client’s emotional landscape), the weather (the quality of our therapeutic alliance), and the time we have available and etc. I then choose the route that seems most passable in that very moment.

As a therapist, my primary allegiance is not- and I aspire it never to be- to any single modality, but to the person sitting across from me and to the shared “here and now” we are inhabiting together.

The actual walking that happens in the therapy room can never be done by strictly following a map. It requires me to temporarily set the manual aside and listen with my entire being—not only to the client’s words, but to the tremor in their voice, the rhythm of their breath, and to the smallest, most palpable opening for change within the present moment. It is a moment-by-moment discernment of which theoretical framework or specific tool might best serve the person in front of me.

In the final times of our work, Xuan's finances limited us to meeting just once a month. This sparse rhythm posed a particular challenge for the kind of bottom-up approach as IFS, which often requires more frequent sessions to cultivate a gentle change in the felt sense and continuity needed for deep inner rituals.

The good news was that we already had a solid map of her inner world (her Manager, Firefighter, and Exile, as seen in Chapter 6. I now needed a tool, still a bottom-up one, that could create a powerful, self-contained shift in a single meeting—something she could take with her and practice outside sessions without my presence.

I turned to a skill from my own past: five years of improvisational theater practice. I decided to use "role-play", which is a tool across many modalities in psychotherapy. It could be seen as a pragmatic detour—a bumpier, more direct road that traded the comfort of a slow, scenic route for the chance to reach our destination sooner. This hands-on, sometimes gritty approach led us straight to the heart of the matter: the raw, first-time experience of changing an inner dialogue.

Role Play: Fake It Until You Make It

Change is a gradual, iterative process. In our sessions, when Xuan once again became mired in self-criticism over her "inability to act," I made an intuitive, in-the-moment technique judgment. To gently accelerate our pace, I decided to forgo another deep dive into her internal landscape. Instead, I chose to stage her inner conflict in the space between us, allowing her to see with her own eyes and experience in her own body how that internal dialogue became stuck (the external bipolarized behaviors were driven by her internal clashing voices presented in Chapter 5)—and how a new thread of conversation might begin.

What follows is a condensed excerpt from one such session, which began when she sank into depressive self-blame after "making an excuse" to skip a showing up for a work shift.

Me: "Let's try a role-play. I'll be the part of you that just… can't. The one that wants to stay put. Your job is to be the 'motivator'—see if you can get this lump on the couch to move."

We swapped places. I sank into the sofa that my clients usually sit, letting my body go slack in a performance of pure passiveness. She perched on the edge of my therapist's chair.

Take 1:

I gazed at the ceiling with the back of my head on the sofa.

Xuan: "Get up. Go mop the floor." Her voice was all edges—a command hurled across the room.

I turned my face to the wall, a fortress of silent refusal. 

She froze, at a complete loss.

Cut.

Take 2:

I leaned back on the sofa, looking numb. 

Xuan: "Look at you. Lying there like a useless sack. Is this what you are now? Get up and act like a person!" The words were barbed, meant to hook and drag me upright through sheer shame.

Me: (A low mutter from the couch) "No. I'm not going." I didn't even look at her. The resentment was a physical barrier.

The frustration that crumpled her face was almost palpable.

Cut.

A Pause for Direction

“Let’s take a break from the role-play.” I softened, letting my therapist's presence back into my voice. "Let's rewind. What was the mission here?"

"To get you to do something," she sighed, the fight draining out of her.

"And how did your approach land? What did that tone invite?"

"…A wall," she admitted quietly. "It just built a wall."

"Exactly. So the command…" I responded, 

"…doesn't work," and she finished, the realization landing not just in her mind, but in her weary posture.

Take N:

Despite many failed attempts, I was relieved that our previous work kept her in the emotional tolerance. Looking back at the beginning of our journey, similar scenario would only end in complete emotional fatigue and the stuck feeling of “Xuan(2): I can’t”. We tried again, the shift began not with a shove, but with a glance.

Xuan: "You seem… tired today?" She asked with a flat tone.

Me: (A slow, heavy blink) "…Yeah. I am."

Xuan: "It's been… a lot lately." The words were wrenched out, syllable by syllable, as if she were speaking a language she'd only ever read. This was monumental. The old, scorching tape in her mind—the one that only played "you should" and "this is your fault"—had finally jammed for a second.

Me: I let out a breath I seemed to have been holding for years. "It has. There's been no space. No rest. I'm just… empty." With immense effort, I pushed myself up to sit.

She watched the movement, her own jaw tight, wrestling down the familiar demon that wanted to shout and blame. She looked at the floor, gathering the scattered pieces of a new script.

Xuan: "The deadline is… there. But. We could… start slowly. Maybe… together?" The old impatience was still there, a sharp thread woven through the offer, but the offer itself was utterly new.

It was the first time. The very first time her Self had gently taken the microphone from the furious inner critic.

Me: I met her eyes, my own wide with a fragile hope. "You'd… stay? And do it with me?"

I got up.

Cut.

Xuan’s mood lightened up, and she smiled. “Okay, I think I know what you are doing now.”

Equip my therapy studio with various tools from modalities: take what you need.

Every therapist enters the therapy room with their own theoretical preferences and life experiences. This shapes our perspective, but it also defines our limitations.

For me, different therapeutic modalities are not a “single script” to be rigidly followed—after all, there are theoretical debates even among them. I intend to have a continuously evolving and well-equipped consulting ‘mind studio’, filled with tools from various modalities that I’ve taken apart. I aspire to reassemble them, but more often, I simply use the part that is needed in the present moment.

Therefore, each therapy session can never be, nor should it be, an assembly-line product of rigidly applied theory. It is more like an improvised theater of life—there is a set theme (the client’s core issue), but no fixed script. The client and I are partners, and within a safe framework, we experiment with new dialogues and new moves until, in a certain moment, we both feel: “Yes, this is our most genuine and most needed expression right now.”

Although I have spent half a year writing extensively about my understanding of IFS and illustrating some of my applications of it, what ultimately fascinates me is not the theory itself, but how a theory can come to life—appropriately and vividly—in a real encounter with a specific human being.

Xuan's Therapy Stories: A Gentle Pause with Me

Yet Xuan’s healing and growth continue to take root and reach outward in the soil of her everyday life.

I witnessed her "Self" becoming clearer and broader, like the rings of a tree—that inner clarity, courage, and compassion are steadily becoming the foundation from which she meets the world.

At the start of 2026, I've offered myself two reminders to hold two kinds of tenderness:

One is acceptance of my longing for perfection, which keeps my gaze fixed on the stars and sustains an upward-reaching strength.

The other is the embrace of imperfection—holding space for each misstep and welcoming every achievement that may not feel complete.

The first is the light; the second is the soil.

And true growth happens precisely in the space between them—steadily, day by day, becoming the shape of one's own self. This is, at its heart, the essence of our work.

I offer this reflection to everyone who has journeyed through the story of Xuan and me in the therapy room.

My best wishes to you, Xuanyuan. The chapter of our therapy work has reached its warm conclusion, and as your own unique life story continues to unfold, it will always have my heartfelt applause.

In the next chapter, we return to the introduction of IFS, specifically to the understanding of the "unburdening" shamanic technique for Exiles.

---

作者：秦小杰

时间：2026年2月

偏离理论的航线：忠于当下的创造性选择

上一章，我们探讨了内在家庭系统治疗（IFS）中一个颇具特色的设置：“等候室”。按照经典的IFS流程，在邀请保护者暂歇之后，下一步往往会进入更深层的针对“流放者”的“修复仪式”或称“无负担化”。这些疗愈仪式，创始人理查德·施瓦茨博士(Dr Richard Schwartz)提到他借鉴了萨满传统实践，引导“流放者”那些被压抑的核心情绪得以见证与转化，这个部分我会放在下一章讲述。

这一章，我想分享一个贯穿我所有咨询工作的核心理念：每一次有效的咨询，都发生在理论（流派）与当下的创造性相遇之中。在真实的旅途中，我会根据乘客（来访者）当下的状态、天气（咨询关系）和可用的时间，选择一条此刻最可能通行的路。作为咨询师，我的第一忠诚–我时常提醒自己–­不属于任何一个具体的流派，而属于坐在我面前的这个人，以及我们正在共享的这一个“当下”。真正在咨询室里发生的行走，却无法完全按图索骥。它要求我暂时放下地图，用全部的感官去倾听——不仅听来访者的话语，更听ta语调的颤抖、呼吸的节奏，以及那个“当下”里最可能被听见的、最微小的改变契机，以及时时刻刻决定哪个理论流派、工作手法更适合来访。

在璇璇跟我咨询的后期，因为财务局限的原因，我们的咨询频率被迫降低到一个月一次。在我看来，传统的、需要高度连续性的IFS内在仪式工作，在节奏上遇到了挑战。庆幸的是，我们对她的内在系统（管理者、消防员、流放者）已有了清晰的IFS地图式理解（如第六章:璇璇内在敌对的联盟所述）。我需要一种在单次会话中就能创造高浓度体验、并能被她直接带入生活的方法。

我以前的一个爱好，也变成了我从另一片沃土——五年的即兴戏剧训练。于是，我选择了“角色扮演”的工作方式，通过模拟场景的对话体验性植入新的内部沟通方式。却让我们更好地抵达了一个熟悉的站台：内在对话的改变的初体验。

角色扮演：排练另一种人生，直到它成为你的角色

改善是一个循序渐进的过程，在咨询中，当璇璇再次因“无法行动”陷入自我批判的泥潭时，为了能够稍微加快咨询速度，我做了一个基于当下直觉的判断：今天放弃深入潜意识的内景，而是将内在的冲突“外化”到我们两人之间的空间，让她亲眼看见、亲身经历那段对话是如何卡住的(璇璇几年的双相的外在表现，可以通过第五章：来访璇璇(5): 僵持的内在对话深入了解)，以及一线新的对话如何可能被开启。

以下，摘录的是浓缩到一起的。起因是一次会谈中，她因“找借口”没去上班而陷入抑郁自责。

我：“我们来做个角色扮演，我饰演你不想干活的那部分，你饰演动员者，目的是让我起来干点事儿。”

我们交换位置——我坐到来访椅上半躺着，她坐到我（咨询师）位置。

第一镜：

我半倒在沙发上，看着屋顶。

璇璇：“起来啊，去拖地。”她用命令口气说。

我立即皱眉，眼睛看向别处，不理她。

她不知所措。

卡

第二镜：

我身体重重的在沙发上待着。

璇璇：“成天都这么躺着，什么都不干，没个人样，起来去干活。”她生气地说。试图用责备去刺激我，让我屈服于她。

我：“我不去，我不想去。”我恨了她一眼。

她非常沮丧。

卡

场外指导

我回归到咨询师的本色中，来指导她。

我：“你还记得你的目的是什么吗？”

璇璇：“让你起来干点事儿。”

我：“你刚刚的语气，你觉得我听了会有什么反应？”

璇璇：“抗拒吧，不想听。”

我：“也就是这种命令是无效的”。

第N镜：

许多次失败尝试，但我们之前每一次看似缓慢的内心创伤的修复，让她的情绪耐受力得到很大提高（要知道，我跟她工作的前期，同样的场景，她经历着“来访璇璇故事第二章：我做不到”的折磨。），再N次尝试后，璇璇的态度终于有了一丝改变：

璇璇：“你今天有点累吧？”她问。

我：“是的。”我把我耷拉的眼皮抬起来。

璇璇：“最近你也辛苦了。”她极其勉强挤出这句话。

这句话是一个很重要的她内在疗愈的进展。要知道，她曾经胸口的那盘磁带里只有苛责和这都是应该的言语。

我：“对啊，最近特别忙，很久没有休息了，我没有一点力气了。”我从半躺着坐起来。

璇璇努力在咽下自己想开骂的劲，她看着地，调整了一会儿。

璇璇：“都要快到截止日了，那你慢慢来做，我们可以一起。”声音中带着藏不住的不耐烦。

但这是她第一次，能够自己用“真我”去领导。

我：“你陪着我啊，那好啊”。一丝质疑但也掩不住喜悦的看着她。

卡！

旋旋嘴角罕见地扬起一丝顽皮的笑容：“好像，我知道你在干什么了。”

流派是用来装备我的咨询工作室：使用则按需而取

每一位咨询师，都带着自身的理论偏好与生命经验进入咨询室。这构成了我们的视角，也是我们的局限。对我而言，不同的咨询流派并非需要严格遵守的“单一剧本”，况且各个流派之间也有理论争斗。对我而言，我头脑有着一个不断完善和更新的咨询工作室，其中装满了被我拆散的咨询流派的各种工具，我可以将它们还原，但更多时候只是用当下需要的零件。

因此，每一次咨询都不可能，也不应该是某个理论僵化应用的流水线产品。它更像一场即兴的人生剧场——有既定的主题（来访者的核心议题），却没有固定的台词。我和来访者互为搭档，在安全的框架内，共同尝试新的对白、新的走位，直到某个瞬间，我们都感觉到：对了，这就是我们此刻最真实、也最需要的表达。

尽管我已经花了半年的时间，大量写作我对IFS的理解和我就部分应用的展现。最终，令我着迷的并非理论本身，而是理论如何能在与一个具体生命的真实相遇中，焕发出恰如其分的生机。

璇璇的心理咨询故事，在此告一段落。

但她的疗愈与成长，仍在生命的土壤里持续扎根、伸展。我见证着她的“真我”如树之年轮，日渐清晰、宽广——那份内在的清明、勇气与慈悲，正一点点成为她面对世界的底色。

2026初始，我给了自己两句话，提醒自己怀抱着两种温柔：一种是内心仍有对完美的期望的默许，它让我们始终望向星辰，保有向上的力量；另一种是对不完美的承接——承接自己每一次的失误，也拥抱每一个不够圆满的成就。

前者是光，后者是土壤。而真正的成长，正是在这两者之间，稳稳地、一天天地，长成了自己的模样。这正好是我们工作的内容，送给每一个读完璇璇和我在咨询室里的故事的你。

祝福你，璇璇。属于我们的咨询章节已经温暖完结，而你独一无二的生命故事，将永远拥有我发自内心的喝彩。

下一章，让我们一起回到IFS框架中，深入了解如何为“流放者”完成“去负担”这一极具仪式话的过程。