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CandleX is recruiting! Find out more and how to apply – find the answers to all your questions below! What is CandleX? CandleX is a mental health focused organization promoting awareness for depression and bipolar disorder in Beijing. Additionally, we provide psychosocial support to the international community residing in Beijing. For more info, check out our website: www.candlex.cn. Who are we looking for? We are looking for a wide range or hardworking, enthusiastic people with a range of different skills. Most of the people we are looking for don’t need any specific experience, just some spare time, the ability to learn fast and a passion for mental health – so get in touch! If we think you might be a good fit, we can create a JD together based on the overlap between your interests and the needs of the organization. Example areas of work Social Media – remote work writing, editing and posting stories and updates on our social media pages. We regularly publish inspiring and relatable stories from the Beijing community, including our popular Teens Open Letter series, so if you are a writer, then we are looking for you. Community Outreach – mainly based in Beijing, this work involved working on community events and partnerships. Recent events include workshops on mental health in the workplace and longstanding partnerships with international schools. Technical Team – qualified counsellors, paid for their expertise, attend events, mentor participants or carry out workshops online or in person. The samples in these past articles might give you some inspiration of the kind of roles we are looking for: https://www.candlex.cn/join-us/ but remember, everyone’s experience levels are different. If you have specific ideas of projects, we would love to hear them! What can we offer you? Personal growth is our key principle. We believe a volunteer organization that gives space for personal development will grow naturally. Since we can’t offer regular remuneration with the exception of our technical team, we hope volunteering with CandleX will be as rewarding as possible. How can I apply? Hey lucy you didn't send me the qr code that's supposed to be here If you aren’t already familiar with CandleX, we recommend you follow our Wechat account, join our public group by scanning the QR code below or come to an event or two to get familiar with what we do. After that, there are four simple steps: 1. Send in a CV and short Cover Letter outlining your experience and interests, along with the full PDF results of https://discpersonalitytesting.com/free-disc-test/ (choose "take a free disc test") to info@candlex.cn. 2. An interview with your potential new manager (via phone or face to face) 3. A probation period of two months will allow us to further define your role together and set expected outcomes from your time with the organization. 4. Formally join CandleX. We are looking forward to hearing from you – contact us at info@candlex.cn with your information!

Did you know that one in six people with mental health conditions is aged 10-19 years? According to the World Health Organization (WHO), suicide is the 4th leading cause of death in 15-19-year-olds. Mental health conditions account for 16% of the global burden of disease and injury in people aged 10-19 years. The consequences of not addressing teens mental health conditions extend to adulthood, impairing both physical and mental health and limiting opportunities to lead fulfilling lives as adults (1). For this reason, CandleX places a strong emphasis on supporting teens and has an ongoing project targeted towards helping them: the Teens Empowerment Project. The CandleX Teens Empowerment Project started in 2020 in Beijing, China under Teens Mental Health Program. We target teenagers who are usually third-cultured, international, and multilingual. These are teens who have experience with mental illness, such as depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorder, and so on. Some of them have also experienced self-harm. The goal of the project is to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness and provide a chance for teens to gain knowledge on mental health and tools on how to cope with difficult emotions so that they become resilient. The Teens Empowerment Project has 3 stages. Stage 1 is called “Teen Writers.” The teens write down their own stories with support from a therapist. This process allows teens to find their own voice and explore the struggles and the meaning of their stories. This is like the narrative approach that we take in psychotherapy. Later, the therapist can identify the dominant and problematic story. We also include facts and insight into the editor's notes for professional information. Once we publish that through our own platform and the networks of our media partners, we can help to educate the community and reduce the stigma that teenagers feel is attached to mental illness. Stage 2 is called “Teen Interviewers.” The teens have the chance to interview an influential adult in our community. It might be a startup entrepreneur or the CEO of a well-established company. These are adults who have battled with mental health in the past and are willing to talk to the teens about their experiences. We work with experienced media professionals who volunteer to help the teens structure their interviews, prepare the articles, and write the final pieces. Again, there is a therapist engaged in the process to make sure the whole process is therapeutic and that the final piece serves as a mental health educational purpose. These first two stages allow teenagers to learn how to accept their own struggles and become stronger in dealing with them. They also gain practical skills associated with publishing articles and conducting interviews. For a lot of them, it's also the first time that they publish something on a public platform! Stage 3 is called “Teen Spokesperson.” CandleX gets interviewed by the media every now and then, and as the Teens Empowerment Project develops, we try to create a space for the teenagers to be the people who can talk about their opinions and their experiences as an advocate as well. So far, we've had teens on radio shows, magazines, and now we have an exciting opportunity for them to be on national TV as well! The three-stage empowerment project paints a road map where we can take the teenager on a journey. Not all teenagers will go through all the stages; it depends on their willingness, strength, and preferences. That’s why we take very small steps in this process. We constantly check in with them to see how they're feeling, whether they're learning things and whether things are going according to what they expect. Our role in this process is being the support instead of the supervisor. To empower one teen, we often engage 4 to 5 adults in the process. So far, this is the highest investment project we've had in all our projects. It usually takes about 6 months to 1 year to finish the empowerment project for one teenager. This is also one of the strongest programs we have, where I continue to see changes that teenagers demonstrate throughout the process, as well as after the program has ended. Some of them choose to stay with CandleX and volunteer in other roles, while others continue with their lives and contribute to society in their own ways on mental health afterward. References: 1. Adolescent Mental Health - World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescent-mental-health.

Self-harm or suicide attempts are attempts taken to ease the pain and to respond to extreme despair, symptoms often experienced by people with major depression. This story could be triggering to some, and reader’s discretion is advised. To understand the life events that contributed to this story, please read Chapter 1: “Crushed and Misunderstood” on the author’s arrival to Canada again at the age of 13. Author: Katelyn (pseudo name) Written in 2020 I didn’t dare open my eyes. I thought to myself, so this is it . I was covered with a blanket, and the ambulance worker beside me took my blood pressure. I was rushed to the hospital, the doctor shined a light into my pupils to check if I was still conscious. They attempted to wake me up by performing a series of physical stimulations. I was fully aware of my surroundings and felt the sharp pain that everything had caused me. The simple act of lifting my eyelids and letting light in was the last thing I could do. The nurse then forced open my mouth. One hand pinched my cheeks while the other hand pressed a tongue depressor so hard until I gagged. I felt blinded by the beaming surgical lights. “Wow, where did you learn that trick?” The nurse beside her was impressed. That night, I had what would be the first of my many therapy sessions. I anxiously waited in the room, until one man walked in with a calm and serene presence. He sat down and we stared at each other in silence. “My dear, you look really, really sad.” The words gently echoed in the room. The last tight nerve that I was holding onto finally broke. All the emotions that I’d been bottling up over the last few months erupted at the same time. The sadness, the guilt, the shame, the hate and the hopelessness all turned into uncontrollable streams of tears. I lowered my head, shivering and sobbing, wanting to curl into a ball, unable to speak. Finally , I thought. The world that expects so much of me will have an answer. I can rest now. When I woke up the next morning, I found myself alone on a hospital bed. I turned my head and saw sunlight for the first time in months. I quietly observed the room I was in. It was cleaned spotless, and a giant window overlooked me where I could see the busy hospital staff. The bathroom was covered in steel and metal, and so was the toilet. Just like in prison , I noted to myself. Even the mirror wasn’t made of glass but some sort of shiny reflective material – unbreakable, of course. I soon learned that even plastic knives were locked away. Every morning, we used spoons to spread jam on our toast. Over my week-long stay, I had countless appointments with psychologists and psychiatrists. “You have depression. Major depressive disorder, to be more exact,” Dr. Elizabeth said. This was not the first time I’d heard the term, though it was the first time I’d been diagnosed with it. I learned that my school was wrong, and that I’d been suffering from depression for a long time. “Don’t worry, depression is treatable,” Dr. Elizabeth assured me. The psychiatrists then prescribed me SSRIs, a type of antidepressant, though to this day I have yet to find one that works for me. Experiences of being discriminated and marginalized can cause intense emotional pain for children. In a state of major depression, children sometimes resort to self-harm or suicide to ease or end the emotional pain. According to WHO (2020), Suicide is the second leading cause of death in 15-29-year-olds (1). This type of behavior is sometimes hidden. Therefore, it is important to recognize symptoms of depression and seek professional help. If the child resents going to school, becomes irritable, depressed, loses interest in the things they usually like, changes in appetite, experiences sleep problems or significant fatigue, these symptoms may be related to depression. Although Katelyn has not found the right mix of medication, it’s worth being noted that many do respond to anti-depressants, which gives patients the space and energy to work effectively on their fundamental underlying psychological problems, usually through counselling. According to WHO (2020), for major depression, Antidepressants can be an effective form of treatment for moderate-severe depression, however, they are not the first line of treatment in adolescents, among whom they should be used with extra caution (1). References: 1. World Health Organization, 2020, https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing Pretreatment CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: niama_elazzab for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings and biweekly hangout

The recent decades have remarkably changed how people view mental illness, particularly depression and anxiety. However, there is still stigma around it. Comes with it is the battle many of us fight alone, in silos. After her discharge from the psychiatric department, she then was faced with the battle of living with a condition but having to cover it up. To understand the life events that contributed to this story, please read Chapter 1: “Crushed and Misunderstood” on the author’s arrival to Canada again at the age of 13, and ‘Chapter 2: Depression is Treatable, Doctor Said’ on her hospitalization. Author: Katelyn (pseudo name) Written in 2020 “You’ve been gone for so long! What happened to you! Cancer?” Brooke’s eyes lit up when she saw me, as she practically flew across the hallway. Her tone was accusative but I could see the corners of her mouth curling up. “Ha, something like that,” I tried to brush it off. I never told people about my depression. I was afraid they would misunderstand me and see me as weak or crazy. It’s not as straightforward as breaking a bone, after all. Almost no one knew about my mental illness in the new English school I’d been attending for grade 10. The school agreed to let me skip grade 9 after I was assessed. I was no longer a year behind my peers. Even then, I was well aware of the stigmatization around mental illness, probably because so much of what I’d experienced was internalized. I did tell one girl there about my depression, but that’s because she was depressed too. “Someone so bubbly and outgoing like Brooke wouldn’t understand,” I thought bitterly, determined to not let anyone find out about why I was away for a month. I became a regular at the mental health department for teenagers in my local hospital. I’d just been discharged from my longest period of hospitalization. We had established very clearly that suicide was off the table, but I just felt like I was stuck in a never-ending hellish purgatory. I would go to school for a week then stop for a few days, and the cycle would repeat. Needless to say, I didn’t get good grades, which made me feel ashamed and worthless. By the end of grade 10, I lived every day drowning in hatred, directed both towards myself and to the world I lived in. Every breath I took felt like a reminder of how much of a failure I was, and I wanted to end everything. “Why don’t you come with me to China, where you can start afresh and have a change of scenery?” my dad suggested, glancing at me surreptitiously, searching for signs of agreement on my face. I was a bit taken aback by the suggestion. I turned my head and saw my reflection through the glass window: greasy hair from not taking a shower for weeks, a scrawny silhouette from microwaved ramen at midnight, her stare weary and spiteful. I resented this image of her, and I wanted desperately to be that happy and carefree girl again. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, it is believed that the avoidance of experiences distracts us from living a fulfilled life. That means, our pursuit of happiness as a goal to avoid all other normal feelings including sadness, frustration, disappointment, anger in life could hinder our mental wellbeing, quite counter-intuitively.[1] That being said, as a parent, your attitude towards feelings is ultimately important. Are you able to accept the whole range of emotions as they arise, and not just happiness? Your children are the most imminent people that are influenced by your attitudes. As a society, we have co-created the compelling concept through advertisement, social media illusions that lasting happiness is the goal of life. What’s your experience in pursuing that goal? Fortunately, we have also seen an exploding trend of mindfulness practice, which helps us stay intuitive and embrace our feelings regardless. Whether you are a parent, a teenager, a teacher, or someone who builds a community, it is important to ask the question: what attitude do I have towards emotions, and how does that attitude unfold in my daily operation as an individual? References: 1. Hays, S. C. & Strosahl. K. D., (2004). A Practical Guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Springer.

Mental illnesses are often seen as short-lived, singular events, from which we move on as soon as we see signs of recovery. In fact, healing takes time and support is needed. Like any major life event, mental illness leaves a mark and becomes a part of us. There have been increasing discussions around the diagnoses of mental illnesses; however, what remains after the initial stages of the battle is not discussed enough. How does one continue to support a mental illness survivor? What does the healing process look like? Katelyn bravely and openly shares with us her story. To understand the life events that contributed to this story, please read the previous three chapters: Chapter 1: “Crushed and Misunderstood” on the author’s arrival to Canada again at the age of 13, Chapter 2: “Depression is Treatable, Doctor Said” on her hospitalization, and Chapter 3: “Stuck in the Purgatory” on a continual journey after leaving the hospital. Author: Katelyn (pseudo name) Written in 2020 Now if this was a movie, this would be the part where I learned a bunch of life lessons and found my happily ever after. I landed in Beijing with so much excitement and hope, enrolled in an international school with the thought of forgetting everything that had happened, as if it was all just a bad dream. I would start clean and fresh, make new friends, get good grades, graduate from high school and move on to college. This illusion was soon shattered as I learned that depression is deeply ingrained in my brain. It is always creeping around, every thought and every action shadowed by this growing and immovable force. Depression feasted on my pursuit of perfectionism and on my fear of failure. With every passing day, I grew more paranoid, more insecure. After four months as a junior in high school, the new environment completely burned me out. I began to lose all sense of time. I dropped out of school and lived every day like a zombie. I wasn’t entirely alive but wasn’t dead either. I was losing the war with depression, so I tried my best to conceal and numb my feelings. As I lay hopeless on my bed, in the darkness of my room full of laundry and litter, I saw no possible future in which I could live a happy and meaningful life. “Breathe in, two, three, four, breathe out, two, three, four.” My stomach rose and fell in sync with the soothing voice of the guided meditation. As I meditated deeper, I could feel the fogginess in my brain disappear, unveiling a serene and peaceful sensation that I rarely feel. As someone who’s been in countless therapy sessions, I am familiar with CBT, DBT and meditation. I never gave the latter a try though, until recently when a long-time family friend passionately introduced me to it, believing it would benefit me. She said it helped her recover from her brain injury after a car crash. And she was right. Before I never dared to take a deep look at my thoughts and my feelings, afraid I would give in to depression. Meditation is merely a form of guidance, gently casting a beacon of light, scaring the shadows and darkness away to reveal the scared little lone girl. She only begs for forgiveness and love, and I vowed to take care of her. “HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!” My family shouted in glee, the warm candlelight on the birthday cake giving their faces a soft glow in the dark. I smiled, thanking them for their support, and blew out the candles. It’s been two years since I last went to regular school. I’m homeschooled and do online classes now. I’ve been going to therapy every week, taking my meds as prescribed and trying to maintain a healthy diet and sleep schedule. My pondering nature often blurs the line between sadness and depression, but I’ve started to appreciate my unique view of the world. I still have a long way to go in my recovery, and I have yet to know my place and meaning in the universe. But this will be a colorful journey that I’ll cherish dear to my heart, because I know I will always have the love of my family, my friends and myself. Right now, the tranquil night is transforming into a dreamy blanket for the city. The moon so shyly shimmers in the dark as I hear my pet hamster excitedly run on his wheel, and I’m grateful for all of these things. As I write these last words, I thank you, dear reader, for reading my story. According to the U.S. National Institute on Mental Health, nearly one-in-five adults live with a mental illness[1]. When it comes to depression, specifically, every person’s path to recovery differs. Some take a few weeks or months. But for others, depression is a long-term companion. In about 20% to 30% of people who have an episode of depression, the symptoms don't entirely go away[2]. However, many are rushed in the process of healing. It is understandable that all involving parties long for a swift recovery. But those who suffer may find it not only a difficult goal to achieve, but also a lonely battle they must fight alone. Looking on the bright side, it isn’t rare that many living with depression still find deep joy and meaning in between and sometimes during episodes of suffering. As Katelyn described, these journeys are indeed war-like; nonetheless, we must also acknowledge that there are victories despite the casualties. We recommend you to check out stories under #Emotions&Stories in the CandleX official account to further read about adults who manage to both live with depression and appreciate life for its beauty. “An Overview of Depression Recovery.” WebMD, WebMD, www.webmd.com/depression/recovery-overview. “Living Well with Serious Mental Illness.” SAMHSA, www.samhsa.gov/serious-mental-illness.

Providing mental health support to teens has been a key part of CandleX’s vision and goals. Teens, unlike other demographics, face unique mental health challenges partly due to the development phase they undergo as well as the social and cultural expectations they receive. According to the U.S.-based organization National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 children ages 13 to 18 have, or will have a serious mental illness. In fact, 50% of all lifetime cases of mental illness begin by age 14.[1] Therefore, the consequences of not addressing adolescent mental health conditions extend to adulthood, impairing both physical and mental health and limiting opportunities to lead fulfilling lives as adults.[2] Since February 2020, CandleX launched a column called Teen’s Opens Letters dedicated to teens to voice their experiences. Whether it’s mental health challenges as a result of moving away from home and beginning university life in a foreign country, battles against eating disorders and depression, unspoken thoughts to parents, Teen’s Open Letters has a place for all these topics. Click here for ThatsBeijing’s recently published article on CandleX’s mental health service and support for teens. Sources: 1. National Institute of Mental Health. www.nimh.nih.gov 2. World Health Organization. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/adolescent-mental-health

Jane became an active contributor to raise awareness after learning about her brother's chronic depression. She developed a sense of understanding that those around her have their battles and listened to their stories with compassion, affirmation, and support. She submitted this story of Agnes, who shared the stories growing up in a family where the father’s bipolar disorder and her husband’s depression. I was touched by the courage, strength, empathy, and skills Agnes shows while supporting her family despite all the hurt, pain, confusion, and uncertainty she felt. I invite you to read this story with a focus on what Agnes has accomplished; hopefully, it brings light to how you could support your family member who’s going through an episode of depression. Xiaojie Editor in Chief by Jane May 2021 Anges’s Story Agnes is in her 30s, a bright and intelligent lady. We frequently met during the past few months due to some shared interest in a project. At our first meeting, she briefly mentioned her father's bipolar diagnosis and her husband's anxiety and depression. It struck me immediately, but I inquired no further, as it was too personal. A few months later, after we knew each other more, she didn’t mind sharing how she managed to handle both her father and husband's mental health challenges. Below is her story, told during a recent conversation. With her consent, we hope the story can help people in similar situations to know that “talking to a friend about personal and family mental health challenges is not a shame, it is courage!” Loving Father, with Mental Health Challenges When Agnes talks about her father, all I heard is care, understanding, and love, blended with some worries. There is more confusion about her mother's ignorance of her father's wellbeing after their divorce many years ago, which led to difficulty within their mother-daughter relationship. Agnes recalled how her father took good care of her whenever he could—he treated her dearly and never hurt or hit her in any way. Agnes's childhood was filled with love. Her father used to spend a lot of time with her—teaching her Chinese poems and piano, driving her home from school for a nap during lunch break, and watching the meteor shower together at midnight—to name a few. Her father told her that she was a masterpiece and the greatest treasure in his life. However, she also witnessed the “dark side” of his bipolar disorder. When Agnes recalled the scariest memory in a clear but puzzling way, I knew it was time to listen without any judgment or advice. Talking is an important way to self-heal, I believe. I didn’t feel pity for her; instead, I felt privileged to be the one hearing her vulnerable stories of life. That takes courage to share. She said when she was still a university student, she went home one day for no particular reason. She happened to be the only witness when her father's mental health worsened because the rest of the family was too afraid to see her father again. Her father tried to break everything in the house and made the room as chaotic as he could, even threatened to kill himself while holding a knife against his neck. In the end, someone called 120, and her father was taken away. Agnes could not cope with the situation at that time, but now she understands that it was part of the necessary therapy. She now encourages her father to see a psychiatrist and take the prescribed medication to manage his bipolar better, but her father still resists that idea due to his previous unpleasant experience in the 2000s, and would rather trust his own mitigation skills. Battling a Spouse’s Mental Health In addition to her father's challenges with mental health, Agnes’s husband has severe anxiety and depression. Recently, her husband “fell blue and got lost” and stayed at home for a month to recover. During that time, he rarely talked or responded to any of her queries. At some point, he demanded a divorce and forced her to rehome her beloved cat, who was like her child. He questioned her care towards him and her capabilities to deal with the situation in the long run. She felt hurt but soon realized it was not his heart speaking but his depression and anxiety talking. She managed to stay calm and didn’t get angry or discouraged. Instead, she cooks for him as usual, initiates small talk, and checks if he needs anything particular. In a word, she provides company. Turning Towards the Challenges Facing those difficulties, she didn’t turn away but made up her mind to face them. She managed these challenges and discovered her capacity to live life in a better way. I said to her, “You are so strong!” By the end of our last meeting, she said she learned better now how to manage the difficult conversations with her husband and make the communications work, so he knows that she cares, and she understands better his inner sufferings too. Her story shocked me but encouraged me too. On the way back home, I said to myself, “Life is truly difficult, but we shouldn't underestimate our inner power to face it. New problems emerge every day, no matter we like it or not, C'est la Vie.”

In Sep 2015, I went visit NYC and friends there. As I was walking in China Town, I passed a fire fighter station. Growing up watching American TV shows, fire station to me is an immediate attraction. So as a tourist visiting for the first time, it caught my eyes. In the mean time, I was on my 42-day abs yoga challenge too. As part of the routine, every day I would post a yoga picture after I finish my practice. So for just a second, a crazy but cool voice came to mind. Wouldn’t it be cool to ask them if the fire fighters would take a yoga pose picture with me? Well, I didn't stop walking cause I know it’s just a bit too odd to ask. I mean, come on. Asking a fire fighter to take a yoga picture? You'd just be rude and silly. But the voice lingered"Xiaojie,you know you want that picture. It’d be so cool to have that picture ”“I don't know. But I don't think they’d even let me in. I mean, how am I gonna ask them? It’s crazy!” The two sides of me started to argue. I stopped. I was a block away already, pacing back and forth. I remember that my heart started to beat so fast. I am not the kind of person that gets nervous easily. But I definitely felt it right there. It’s not about being inappropriate or silly that I worry about, it’s the fear of rejection that overwhelmed me. I don't do well with rejection. Rejection hurts. 10 minutes passed and I was still walking back and forth on that street. "Try think logically! If I walked away, I’d always look back on this day and feel disappointed in myself; If I did ask, the worst thing that can happen is get rejected. And I just need to be okay with it. That makes sense, yeah..." After a bit of self pep talk, I started walking back. My heart beat faster, and my palms were sweating. The fear of rejection got even stronger as I walked closer to the fire station. I stopped.I was hesitating again. Aaaaarrrrg, nothing’s more stressful, agitating and scary than having to make a decision for the second time. Moments later, after taking a deep breath, I walked in. like "The Ocean", there's always that diving in moment. “Hey, I am visiting from China. I’d never been to NYC before, but I’ve seen fire stations on TV millions of times. I was wondering if I could come in and visit?” All the fire fighters stopped talking to each other, they turned around, looked at me and paused. “Yeah, come right in.” So the next 20 mins, I was going up and down the fire truck, trying the fire fighters work uniform, chatting with the fire fighters about their work life. Right before I left, I asked, "Would you take a yoga picture with me?" I walked back on to the street with so much joy, contentment, proud, and feeling of ease. I did it!That’s such a valuable lesson that I learned that day. Never give into fear of rejection! I know I still have more to work on than just walking into the fire station. #mentalhealthstory #Beijingdepression

I still remember when the yoga class ended, Lian said it had been a while since she last practiced yoga. That was in 2018. Ever since then, I have witnessed her journey going back to the mat, going to mindfulness retreats, deepening her practice and growing as a person. I saw the power of yoga helping her through a difficult time in her life, just like the way it did to me. As a yoga practitioner and teacher, as well as a counselor, I have experienced and seen the healing and transformative power of yoga. I hope that by reading Lian’s story, it gives you a snap shot of what that looks life. Happy International Yoga Day today. Namaste Xiaojie Editor in Chief Author: Lian Copy Editor: Katie. M May 20, 2021 It was 6:15 am on a cold, dark winter morning in Beijing. The temperature was 6 degrees below zero. Still half awake, I stepped out of the door to go to my Ashtanga practice, gently closing the door so as not to awake the neighbors, like I had done for six days a week. Half an hour later, I arrived in the room, which was also dark, but with just enough natural light coming from the windows to let me see the mats and not the faces of other people in the room. The room was so quiet. The only sound I could hear was the deep, long breaths of two or three students already there. The teacher was sitting in the corner, his presence revealed only by his silhouette near the window. Then I stood on the mat, getting into the practice. “Ekam (Sanskrit word for “one”), Inhale.” I said it to myself in my head, as I raised my arms above my head while taking the first deep inhale for the very first sun salutation. I knew I was home again. I practice Ashtanga yoga - a system of yoga transmitted to the modern world by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (1915-2009). There are two things that people love and hate about Ashtanga: 1. It follows a set sequence so you cannot add or detract postures. After a certain time of practicing, you are expected to memorize the sequence and do it on your own. 2. The traditional way to learn and practice Ashtanga is the Mysore style, named after the city from which Ashtanga originated, which requires you to show up on the mat six days a week, ideally in early morning, doing what you have learned over and over again. For five days, you practice on your own, in silence, while the teacher walks around the classroom and gives you adjustments in certain asanas. On the sixth day it’s a led class, when you do the full series, usually 90 minutes, with the teacher counting. Sounds strange, doesn’t it? I love it. When I first started practicing Ashtanga using an app, I did not know what I was getting myself into. It was a period of my life when I just went through a big earthquake in my life that threw me out of my old life and into a massive cloud of not knowing what I was doing and where I was heading. I was living alone in a small apartment, with plenty of time to study and understand myself. Anxiety and fear were my familiar companions, breaking my days into anguish and sadness. I needed something that I could do by myself, that I could manage according to my situation and that could make me feel grounded again. Then I found Ashtanga. It was not love at first sight, but love developed through many many hours in silence and loneliness. The Ashtanga “system”, with its fixed sequence, its requirement of daily, persistent practice and the magic of synchronizing breathing with postures, was a safe place for me to fall into, to feel and connect with my body on the most sensitive and delicate level. I practiced the standing sequence over and over again in my small room, in the midst of all the inner battles I was going through, and so I was not alone. Early morning practice in the woods. May 2021 I have practiced the full primary series 200 times over the past ten months since I started practicing regularly with an authorized Ashtanga teacher. To this day, the practice continues to speak to me in a profoundly emotional way. Every day, I wake up at the same hour, show up in the same place, do the same things, struggle with the same postures. In total silence. This silence is precious. Without a teacher giving instructions and the students trying to understand and follow them, like in most yoga classes, practicing in silence is the only two hours in my waking time when I am free from all the distractions in the world, free from the endless flow of information rushing into the mind. Then there is nothing left in these two hours but me and the practice. So I breath, extend, fold, over and over again. I learn to observe my breathing, my body, my feelings, my mind, the thousands upon thousands of subtle dramas going on about me. There is a universe within me, waiting to be explored and understood. I remember one time I had quite a few slices of cheese for dinner and the next morning my body felt so heavy and slow. My body changed, and so did my practice. And there were many days when everything seemed grey and lifeless, when the only thing I could do was to shrink away in my bed, but I knew I still had my practice. The same reason that brought me to yoga a long time ago would again and again bring me back to the mat. On those days when I didn’t have the energy to step out, I would roll out the mat next to my bed, and start from “Ekam, Inhale.” During those moments, the practice gave me a chance to experience compassion with my body, and through that, compassion for my being. I breath, extend, fold, still in silence, all alone, coming face to face, heart to heart with darkness. And I noticed how the practice lifted me up and brought me home. Home practice on a smoggy day The most beautiful words that touch me deeply come from Dena Kingsberg, a devoted student and teacher who has been practicing Ashtanga for over 30 years: “Each day, we breathe, we bend, we extend, we fold and unfold. The next day again we breathe, we move, we move a little further, we unfold again. Again and again in the same place, penetrating deeper and deeper, peeling away the layers. Letting go. The practice strips us back. Through the struggle of it, we disentangle from the bondage of conditioned existence. We shed the layers of cultivated self. You are neither your job nor your position in society. You are not your education or your image. You are not the people you attach yourself to. You are not simply body or mind. Stripped back of everything that separates us, blinds us, our awareness directed inward instead of outward. a spiritual awakening seems inevitable.” Then the practice becomes homecoming. Practice by the Yangtze River. October 2020 All photos from Lian

Teenagers who are in the process of applying to universities in the US are often stressed, anxious and report having a low mood. It is not uncommon for the consultants that assist these teens to see depression, eating disorders, and maybe self-harming. The biggest question among the consultants is, “what do I do when I am dealing with a troubled teenager?” On August 13th, 2021, CandleX’s mental health consultant, Melena Slaven, presented by Zoom Meeting to a group of Elite Scholars of China (ESC) consultants from all over the world that work directly with the students from the ESC program.  ESC has successfully helped over 1000 students gain admission to the most selective colleges in the United States. The consultants were looking for ways that they can support their students both directly and indirectly.  The consultants want to be equipped with the tools they need to provide empathetic emotional support and maintain positive relationships with the students.  They also need to know when the situation is too much for them to manage and where they can send their students for help. CandleX provided them with the resources they needed to be able to connect with their students in a non-judgmental way and offered them the resources they needed to be able to refer their students to counselors, doctors, and hospitals that acknowledge and support those with mental health needs.  Crisis hotline information was also provided. Consultants were given information about some of the risk factors their students have as well as an overview of depression and anxiety.  They were taught about the warning signs of suicide and how to talk about it without being timid. Most importantly, Melena talked about how to prevent some mental health problems by building relationships. She shared her favorite apps for mental health such as Clear Fear, Calm Halm, and Dare. These apps are free and provide amazing tools for people suffering from anxiety, self-harm and depression, respectively. Other resources given to the consultants for them to use with their students were a self-care assessment and mindfulness coloring pages. The self-care assessment can be used to prompt discussions and to rate their students’ strengths and weaknesses in all aspects of good health and well-being (physical, psychological/emotional, social, spiritual, and professional). The mindfulness coloring pages are great for relaxation. CandleX has been providing workshops to the students of the ESC program since 2015 and they are very proud of the ESC consultants for taking this new step this year to learn more about mental health and ways they can help their students in a proactive way.  ESC knows that it takes a village to raise a healthy child.

Today is World Trauma Day. Our director and psychotherapist, Xiaojie, talks about emotional abuse, which leads to emotional and psychological trauma. In this video, you will learn how to recognize 14 signs of emotional abuse from One Love Foundation and other factors that differentiate abuse from common unhealthy interactions, as well as social and professional support offered to the English-speaking community in China. Social and professional support currently available Support in Shanghai Thanks to the Inward campaign raising awareness of sexual violence and funds for survivors to receive safe trauma-informed care, Ferguson Women’s Health offers free medical assistance and relevant tests, and Community Center Shanghai offers one free counseling session (with the possibility of extended pro bono or subsidized rate care) for survivors of sexual trauma. For more information, you can see their official WeChat account: CCS-counseling. Support in Beijing Xiaojie and Megan (from Female Health Empowerment Network) teamed up in September 2021 to provide therapy services for women who had past abusive relationships. The services include four 2-hour group therapy sessions for 4-6 participants and discounted counseling individual therapy sessions for 100rmb/session for four sessions. The current round of group therapy is closed. However, if you would like to be informed of future sessions, please contact Megan through WeChat: meganpurvis. For individual therapy sessions with Xiaojie, please contact Emma for intake. Every month, there is a limited number of discounted rates for individuals who have financial difficulties. There are other general support resources available, please check out our article on crisis hotlines.

Xiaojie, psychotherapist and founder of CandleX, was invited to speak about triggers and growth in relationships for Date Night China’s Mind, Body and Soul Workshop on October 23rd, 2021. The event was held at Guoyihui along with speakers Angelo Eugenio, Rachel George, and Juan. Xiaojie talked about healing from past relationships: how trauma or scars in past relationships can affect our current relationships, and how we heal and repair ourselves in our current relationships. YouTube link of full video: https://youtu.be/mR_ewNgAEwU Tencent link of full video: https://v.qq.com/x/page/g3305ahf9uq.html Xiaojie started off by explaining what triggers look like. Triggers stem from the survival brain: the part of the brain that is focused on threat, dislikes ambiguity, and thinks in black and white. When we are in our survival brains due to stress or trauma, we lose the ability to think logically. Texts and replies, opposite gender friendships, communication conflicts, and sex are all examples of triggers. Xiaojie pointed out that what triggers us in relationships could be based on our childhood, past relationships, and culture – everyone’s triggers can vary enormously. Then, she moved on to introduce the learning brain: the part of the brain that is open to new information and comfortable with ambiguity. With our learning brains, we feel calm, connected, confident, and less triggered so that we are ready to learn. Unfortunately, the survival brain often overtakes the learning brain, making it hard for us to think rationally. Image by Jacob Ham This is when we must work on ourselves. Xiaojie ended her presentation by listing out action points for the audience to work on by themselves, with their partners, or through professional support. After Xiaojie, the other speakers presented. Angel from Active Together spoke on physical health and well-being, the environment, and how that impacts the relationships in life. Rachel, a licensed therapist and life coach, presented emotional well-being, values, and boundaries when it comes to relationships and how those values reflect our self-concept. Juan from ComeUnity conducted a mindful meditation session after the three speakers, providing a time for reflection. Afterwards, there was also time for small group discussions and socializing. Although being Date Night China’s first speakers’ workshop, it was a full house. The workshop speakers shared their knowledge with expertise and provided tools to support building healthy relationships between individuals. Xiaojie’s presentation evoked thought upon how the misunderstandings that create discomfort in our lives are linked with our personal backgrounds. Through simple neurology concepts, she explained how the human brain functions, making it easier for us to understand and accept our behavior. People were actively listening and engaging in meaningful discussions with Xiaojie. With a focus on nurturing one’s own mental well-being, Xiaojie’s participation provided the audience with a supportive environment to not only listen, learn, and self-reflect, but also share their mental state. Xiaojie also provides discounted therapy sessions for those with financial restrains for 200rmb/session (4 sessions per person). To know more information on the availability each month, and the criteria, please scan the QR code below for consultation.