Katelyn (pseudo name) was born in 2002 to a Chinese family in Beijing. She first moved to Canada with her family when she was 3, and since then moved back and forth between China and Canada a few times. She now lives in Beijing and has participated in our teens program since 2020. She bravely shared her story of a time that she moved to Canada again at the age of 13, where she attended a French boarding high school. Author: Katelyn (pseudo name) Written in 2020 “You cannot have depression, as it would take a minimum of three months before one develops it.” Those were the words of the woman in front of me, as I was going through half a box of tissues to wipe away my tears. It had been three weeks since I started grade 8 in a French catholic boarding school. I was 14, and one year had passed since I returned to Canada. I had already been held back a year, as I was forced to complete an immigration program in French. I was determined to make up for this lost year and do my best to fit in. I remember how I first walked into the school cafeteria, subconsciously searching the crowd for faces like mine, but I failed to recognize any people of Asian heritage. I was the only person of color in my grade of 300 students who was actually an immigrant. The three other POCs were all adopted by white families. I felt intimidated but strangely excited about the challenge of introducing all these people to my culture. “But… but what could possibly be wrong with me?” I cried, struggling to get the sentence out. I don’t remember much from the school counseling session other than feeling crushed and misunderstood. I specifically requested it to be in English, so I would at least have some sense of comfort and familiarity. Ever since arriving, I had tried my best to maintain perfect grades and a positive attitude towards my new classmates despite feeling isolated and sometimes being mocked. Every Friday when I went back home, I would cry and beg my mom to not drive me back to school the following week. I didn’t get physically bullied and I could sense there wasn’t much malicious intent behind the teasing. It was just extremely ignorant and dumb. One time, I remember teaching some other students Chinese. A teacher overheard me and commented it sounded like “zoo animal language.” A few more weeks passed by, and I began to suffer academically. Focusing in class became much harder. My mind was preoccupied with thoughts like, “No one likes you here” or “Nothing will make up for the fact that you’re not white, rich and pretty”. I always held myself up to next to impossible standards when it came to grades, and I couldn’t imagine what I’d lose if I wasn’t at least a good student. Unfortunately, all of that was now slipping away, too. I wasn’t myself anymore. People no longer saw me as extroverted, witty and competent. Instead, I did every assignment half-heartedly and spent my breaks alone, crying in the bathroom. The hope that I would eventually be accepted as one of them but still somehow stand out had long vanished. My 14-year-old brain couldn’t understand the inequality and injustice I experienced, but it became clear to me that either I had to completely change or the environment had to. I stopped going to school altogether. “You’re so weak-minded! How can you face me like this! You’ve become a disgrace.” The words of my father ringed in my head. It had been months since I last went to school, or ate with my family, or woke up during the day, or felt like a decent human being. I thought I would only be taking a short break, but I’d never felt this exhausted in my whole life. I told my mom I wanted to go back to my old school, where it was culturally diverse and I still had friends, and I did. This is a story of an international family, which is characterized by the family moving countries every few years. Often times, the moving decisions are decided by the parents, where the children in the family just tag-along. Although children have to move with their parents, it’s important to have a discussion with your children and let them participate in choosing the new school environment that they are going to be in. The decision process should be a collaborative one. Teenagers are at the developmental age where their relationships with their peers are of crucial importance. Culture shock can happen at different levels, but when there’s strong cultural discrimination at a new school both amongst students and faculty, it could put your children at a high risk of depression and anxiety. It is vital to monitor their adjustment to the new environment based on their emotional wellbeing. This can be done by having regular conversations about their concerns, fears, as well as new learning and achievements in school. We would like to remind parents who have always had high expectations for their children that communicating to your children the following information would make your communication with your children more open, honest, and effective. It would also provide them a space where they can go to get support if they do need it. First, everyone fails and it’s normal. Embrace all the feelings that come along with the failure, such as insecurities, frustration, sadness, disappointment, or even anger. Second, when you fail, I am here to support you, I still believe in you and I love you nonetheless. Lessons we take from failures that are valuable, and we can learn from them together. CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing A CandleX production on Depression The Tiny Little Box | A Documentary on Depression CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: Zingyzinger for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings

We shared Lilian’s story last month of her experiences with bullying when she transferred to an international kindergarden in China. Lilian, born in Fujian China, is now studying at Madeira High School in Virginia, the USA. Today, we want to share her story on bullying in high school when she first moved from China to the US. Lilian’s now actively involved in mental health advocacy work and is part of our Teen’s Mental Health Program. We hope that her story could bring teachers, parents and school’s attention on improving the environment for teens, and support new students better in navigating through changes. Xiaojie Editor in Chief When the plane touched the ground at Dulles airport in the USA, my mind was occupied by the wild visions I had of living abroad during high school. No more practice exams, and no more teachers forcing me to study things I don’t like. I was excited to focus on activities that I liked, like joining many clubs and making lots of friends. The reality was different from my dream. Coming from a middle school in the normal Chinese education system, I didn’t have much in common with my peers who were local or came from international schools. I found it difficult to fit into the cliques at school. I didn’t get acquainted with my peers until one day I asked some of them to have some late-night snacks in my room. That night proved to be disastrous for me. When everyone was ready to return to their dorms to sleep, two people in my grade had a conflict with some upperclassmen in the hallway. The residential assistants asked me what had happened, and I told them about it, hoping they could solve the conflict. Rather than resolve the conflict, the residential assistants became involved in the fight and I became the target. I didn’t realize the severity of the event until I received the first notification from my phone. Then, the second, the third… Bombarding notifications showing that everyone left the group chat—except for me. The notifications came in like a flood. As I stared at the screen, my mind went blank. Just as suddenly, I realized I was being left out on purpose. The next thing that came to me was rumors. It should have been easy to prove my innocence, but it wasn’t. By the time I heard about the whispers, they’d already grown into a “fact” many people believed. I had tried to speak up once during lunch. I wanted to talk to one girl first. But before I had a chance, I saw the person who spread the rumors coming toward me, staring at me. I immediately gave up. There was an invisible hand covering my mouth tightly. No voice could break through that firm cover, and nobody listened. I suppressed my feelings to avoid crying in front of the crowd. When I tried to talk to my classmates, they wouldn’t reply. Everyone was talking to each other and laughing. I was like an invisible person at lunch table. I sat there awkwardly with two empty seats beside me. To avoid being in an embarrassing situation again, I kept my mouth shut unless someone else talked to me. I began to have the feeling of loneliness and believed that everyone avoided me on purpose. After a month, the situation escalated further. I ended up being questioned and threatened by a small group of people in the school cafeteria. I said sorry again and again for things I didn’t even think I did. They just left and didn’t accept my apology. At that moment I felt exhausted and empty. I wanted to find a place to escape so badly. I thought of going back home for a while. I even told my parents about what happened, and they agreed. Yet, I hesitated. I chose to study abroad and I didn’t want to give up so quickly. I knew my parents wanted to help, and we were messaging every day. I was afraid to call them because I was my classmates would eavesdrop on me. My parents gave me lots of advice. They told me to be strong and to talk with the people who treated me badly. But none of these really works since I had already tried all of them. Fixing the relationship was impossible, and I felt resigned. Changes in my physical and mental stage happened, even though they weren’t immediately apparent. After the night I got kicked out of the group, I felt it was more difficult to fall asleep. I was so traumatized that when I lay on my bed and gazed at the ceiling, I had flashbacks of my past childhood experiences of being bullied. I thought the insomnia would end quickly, but it did not. I used to lay on my bed for hours and couldn’t fall asleep. When I managed to fall asleep, I would wake up several times a night. The sleep deprivation left me exhausted. I was tired and often fell asleep during the daytime. The emptiness I felt made my heart ache. The stronger the sense of loneliness I felt, the more reluctant I was to talk to other people. Even though I wanted to make new friends, I was worried about others’ thoughts about me and I did not trust my abilities to make new friends. My anxiety related to interpersonal communication worsened at that time. I began to think that I was not as good as my peers. For a long time, I didn’t know what to do. The hopelessness was eating me alive snip by snip. Sticking to a daily schedule was the key for me to not becoming overly immersed in my negative feelings. I tried to fill every time slot so that I wouldn’t have too much time to let my mind wander. Instead of locking myself in the restroom during breaks, I signed up for several clubs and forced myself to show up. I also found that after running, I felt a little bit more relaxed. I exhausted myself on purpose by running every day in the afternoon. Most of the time, running helped me fall asleep much easier. In the evening, I filled my time by doing extra work outside of school and even planned to transfer to another school. As I became busier, I finally became friends with some of the day students. When I returned to the dorm at night, the loneliness came back to me. I was still uncomfortable with the situation I was in; however, things were improving a lot. I was lucky that I realized that there were still some people who trusted me, but I wished I have more support. I remember some people noticed my social isolation. Several of them had come to me and told me that they trusted me. Some of them were even close friends with the people who hurt me. Since every one of them came to me alone, I never know how many people they meant when they said “we.” I wanted to be friends with them, but I didn’t dare to step forward, and neither did they. I thought my life might be better if one of them would be a mediator of this conflict, or would spend some time with me. Still, I was so deeply thankful for their kind acts. They made me believe I wasn’t alone and there were people willing to help me. It took me about one year and a half to be fully recovered from this traumatic experience. After I came back home, I felt better and better. I could fall asleep, I was no longer anxious. It was like my true self came back to me little by little. Instead of pretending to be happy, I eventually felt happiness like I used to do. However, every time I’m in a situation that reminds me of what happened in the past, my emotions suddenly breakdown and I can’t control my tears from pouring down. This led me to finally going to a counselor. Now, I can look back at my experience and appreciate it. I view this experience as an opportunity for personal growth instead of a sad story. When facing difficulties, I now think positively. I believe in my ability to overcome difficult times, but I am also prepared for failure because I know the setbacks always result in comebacks. Self-care became part of my life. I pay attention to the beautiful things around me, whether it’s a warm breeze or fluffy cat. I found the pace for my life that I make little progress every day. The biggest gain for me is to be confident. I trust myself as a person and nobody other than me can define who I am. The experience of bullying can have a long-lasting effect on a person's mental health. Whether verbal bullying, rumor-mongering, or social isolation, it usually leaves the recipient with complex negative emotions, ranging from intense self-doubt to feelings of loneliness and frustration. Moreover, bullying often occurs in adolescence, when our sense of self-identity is not yet fully developed. This can often have a long-term impact on our self-esteem and social experiences later on. When faced with bullying, it's important to try to maintain a sense of order in daily life, seek help from family members, or seek counseling, as Lilian does. For parents, teaching children how to deal with bullying is the first step in protecting them. For example, role-playing school bullying scenarios at home to teach children how to express themselves assertively, going over ways to report to school staff for support if necessary, giving children more support, praise and recognition to protect their self-esteem, and helping kids build other relationships outside of school are all great ways to start. While bullying can be a traumatic experience, many, like Lilian, transform the traumatic experience into an impetus for post-traumatic growth. If you have ever encountered bullying, learning how to deal with it may be an important life lesson. CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing A CandleX production on Depression The Tiny Little Box | A Documentary on Depression CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: Zingyzinger for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings

In Beijing, we have a growing concern for women’s health in particular on depression and anxiety. To address that, Beijing Women’s Network hosted the “Healthy Living Series: Depression and Anxiety for Modern Beijing Women” community talk at Bookworm joined by Beijing Mindfulness Center, CandleX and professional counselor Ms Iris Ran Liu. It was Wednesday evening, September 14th, and the skies were covered in an all too familiar gray blanket that is infamous in Beijing. However tonight it was not the pollution creating the haze, these were clouds. The day was cool and a lovely breeze wafted through the streets. From the windows of the Bookworm in Sanlitun, it was the kind of weather that made you think of autumn. Then, without warning the skies burst open and a downpour soaked the streets and washed the city clean. It was fitting as inside the Bookworm another downpour was occurring. Beijing Women’s Network came equipped with the tools to blow the dam on people’s fear and pain when it comes to talking about depression. And, like the storm outside, a cleansing was taking place within the four walls of the Bookworm. Qin Xiaojie (founder of CandleX), Iris Ran Liu (Mental Health Counselor at Agape Counseling Center) , and Dalida Turkovic(founder of Beijing Mindfulness Center) were on hand to talk about the challenges of dealing with suffering from depression, helping others who are suffering from the debilitating illness, and to provide support and a safe environment for tackling the problem in a way that is not really seen in China. There were questions from the audience as well as some courageous admissions of those suffering from depression; they expressed a sense of being lost in a storm and in need of a lighthouse to head toward. The discussion covered depression from a number of angles, including one that is all too common to inhabitants of Beijing; the environment. Several people in the audience expressed the fact that China (and Beijing specifically) had a huge problem with an availability to places that are full of green, natural, unspoiled life and how this lack of refuge in nature can contribute greatly to depression. As always, the option of possible solutions offered covered a myriad of things such as doing yoga (which CandleX conducts a rooftop session of weekly), eating healthy foods to give our bodies the proper fuel and energy, providing an open ear to those that are in need of not just being heard but really listened to and other methods. It was stressed several times, and it must always be remembered, that every person is different and no one solution exists for how to battle the pervasive foe that is depression. This is because depression never looks the same for each person. It is chameleon like in its attacks and comes at each person in a different way. CandleX rooftop yoga on Sundays By the time the evening ended, the rain had stopped and the air outside was refreshing and full of potential. The inside once again mirrored the outside. There were more smiles exiting than entering, connections were made, new ports in the storm were marked on people’s maps and hope had been injected into the room. It’s important to remember that with depression, you are not alone, you can survive and you can emerge victorious. It’s a sinister villain that relies on our solitude, our shame and our fear. Without these sources of fuel, depression has a much more difficult time surviving. If you don’t suffer from depression, you almost certainly know someone who does, even if you don’t know it. Take some time to really listen to your friends and family and those around you. Hear them and see them. And if you do suffer from depression, please seek help. You can also learn more about depression by visiting our “Classroom” column, as well as reading other people’s story from our “My Story with Depression” column, where Beijing international community share their experiences. Moreover, you can come to our bi-weekly peer support group for people with depression, severe anxiety and mania. #Beijing #China #depression #anxiety

Hello there! Here’s the latest from our brave young people writing the letter they have always wanted to write, as part of our Community Writing Project sharing stories from our community. Our writer this week is Mary, a Beijing-based high schooler, who wrote a letter “to her parents” about a recent moving experience she had with music. If you haven’t already, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter at @CandleX_Beijing To my dearest parents, It's been quite a while since the last time I wrote to you. Last week, I attended an online session called “anonymous pen-pals”, where students write letters anonymously. It turned out to be great. Many students got to express their feelings freely. However, some students still couldn’t express themselves well and were still hiding their inner feelings deep inside their minds. My best friend Catherine is one of these students. On the last school day of sophomore, I saw Catherine walk straight out of the classroom during class time without the teacher’s permission. Watching her walking out of the room, I knew it was the bipolar disorder that gave her a panic attack. It was not the first time. I learned from a psychology lecture that bipolar disorder can increase a person’s blood pressure and could potentially lead to this kind of panic attack. I was sad about what happened to my friend, but I couldn’t do anything to help her. So I went to talk with my psychology teacher, and she advised me to play the piano for my friend. I did as the teacher told me, and with my music playing, Catherine was able to calm down. Music’s calming effect drives me to dive into how music can release people from their traumas and help them step out of their experiences. I asked my teacher about the power of music, and she told me about music therapy. She even introduced me to a Music Therapy program in Sabah, Malaysia. With great interest, I attended the program last summer and learned about basic music therapy with the local music therapist. The most memorable concept that I was taught is tuning in—patients and the therapist reach a musical harmony in melody and pitch. When practicing tuning in, I came to realize that music therapy uses music as a form of communication to guide patients to express their feelings. Without verbal communication, people use different instruments and tones to play harmonious music with a beautiful melody and perfect pitch. Tuning-in also means using different melodies and rhythms to stimulate different human emotions and to help music therapists understand patients’ traumas. When you heard that I will attend the program in Malaysia, you didn’t support me because you were concerned about my safety. However, I actually learned a lot during those music therapy workshops. I really hope that you can understand my wish and support my decisions in the future. Best, Mary Thanks for reading! Have you signed up for our online CBT learning course yet? San the QR code above to join us learning together about cognitive behavioral therapy via WeChat and Future Learn.

As part of our ongoing work with schools and colleges in Beijing, CandleX held a workshop on 29 May in collaboration with Elite Scholars of China. The workshop aimed to teach parents whose children were about to graduate high school and go abroad for college what they could expect from their children’s mental health during the transition, how they could support them, and how they can support themselves through this time. While schools usually do a great job of making the transition from high school to university easier on students, the needs of the parents often go ignored. During this period of transition, parents go from actively raising a child to being the parent of an adult who is no longer home and might be thousands of miles away. CandleX is proud to partner with Elite Scholars of China to provide a workshop for these parents that discusses how the transition to college in the US can affect their children emotionally, and how they can take care of their own emotional well-being. Different from previous workshops that CandleX have run on this topic, this workshop was led by the parents’ needs and wants rather than by the planned content. Alongside advice about caring for teenage children as they leave the family home and how to spot signs of mental health issues, the workshop focused on giving parents various different tools to cope with the sudden changes they would be facing, such as meditation and breathing exercises. Because a lot of parents expressed a feeling of anxiety as they thought of their children venturing out into the world, coming back to their breath and finding their center proved to be a valuable tool. In fact, Xiaojie Qin, the workshop facilitator, came back to the breathing exercises three times throughout the session. By the third time, the participants were completely absorbed in the breathing exercises. Parents were advised to honor the feelings surrounding this new transition and to address them appropriately. The parents were also able to see the results of a similar student workshop, where students (their children） were asked, in the event of any emotional distress, if they would reach out to their parents. Parents were pleased to find that 42% of students said that they would definitely contact their parents in such a situation, and 26% said they were “very likely” to do the same. The workshop experience proved to be an enriching one and one that CandleX hopes to continue providing to parents. For more of Candle X’s tools to help parents with these transitions, please see the resources at the bottom of the page. If you have ideas or comments about our mental health services, or want to attend a workshop, send an e-mail to info@candlex.cn and we will get back to you. On 29 June, CandleX is hosting a Launch Party for our flagship Project, Moodlab, at Camera Stylo. Scan the QR code to buy a ticket! #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #Beijing #China #psychosocialsupport #events #mentalhealthforteens

MoodlaB. #Bipolar. #BeBrave. #BeStrong. Just #BeYourself. MoodlaB is the award-winning photo and story series from CandleX, Bearapy and Pere Ibañez featuring models living in Beijing whose lives have been touched by bipolar disorder. From 29 June at Camera Stylo, the photos will be displayed for the first time ever in China. We can’t wait to show off our photos, our stories and our community – so use the QR code below or on the poster to buy your ticket to the Launch party! Where? Camera Stylo, 64 Dongsi Shiyi Tiao, Dongcheng District, Beijing（东城区东四十一条64号） When? 6.30pm til late How much? Your RMB60 ticket (paid via the QR code or on the door) will get you one free drink. Payment will mean you are registered with your wechat account, so just show your account name at the door to get in. To pay, scan this QR code: What? Photos and visuals from Pere Ibañez featuring models from Beijing’s bipolar community; stories by Enoch Li, founder of Bearapy; a panel discussion on the project and its impact on the community; and a raffle with loads of exciting prizes donated from some of Beijing’s most iconic businesses. For CandleX, the Moodlab project has always been more than just an art project. It is a way for people in Beijing who have been affected by bipolar disorder to come together, shake off the stigma associated with bipolar disorder, and connect with likeminded people. The project started back in September 2016, and the photographs have already been exhibited around the world, been shortlisted for and won several competitions, and been published in magazines and articles – but this is the first time that they will be shown in Beijing, and accompanied by personal stories from the models themselves. This event will be a chance to celebrate the CandleX community, meet old friends and mingle with some new faces, and meet the photographer and some of the models behind the award-winning photo series. We will also have a panel discussion where some of the people associated with the project will share their experiences and what getting involved has meant to them. You’ll get a free drink with your ticket and the bar will be open all night. We also have a raffle with lots of amazing prizes generously donated by some of your favourite Beijing brands. Raffle tickets will be for sale at RMB30 for 1 or RMB50 for 2. To donate to the fund to turn the photos and stories into a book, click ‘Read more’ or scan the QR code below. Click on here to find out more about the MoodlaB project and to read some of our inspiring stories. #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #Beijing #Moodlab #onemodelonestory #events

CandleX works with schools to deliver workshops and training on various aspects of mental health. This workshop was the fourth time that our incredible counselor Melena has delivered a high-energy session aimed at Chinese students who are preparing to go to college in the USA. Let’s be honest, moving from China to the United States to further one’s education is exciting, but can be scary. On 13 April 2019, CandleX’s mental health consultant, Melena Slaven, M.A., CRC, NCC, presented to the Elite Scholars of China (ESC). This group of students are planning to go to some of the top universities in the US. Many have already been accepted and are counting down the days until their departure. While most of them have visited the US before, they realize that living there long-term will pose new challenges. Many students studying abroad run into mental health issues during their stay in a new country. The workshop was given to prepare the students for their life abroad and answer common questions such as: How do I cope with stress in college? How do I care for my emotional well-being in a new place? What mental health issues commonly affect college students? What are the cultural differences between the way that Chinese and American deal with these issues? Melena covered a wide range of topics and gave the students some information and tools to use in their everyday life whilst abroad. Here’s a (non-exhaustive!) list of her top tips for the students: Build up a social network as soon as possible after your arrival. Make use of technology at your disposal, such as the Meetup app, a great way to make friends easily. Practice meditation and mindfulness to calm down your thoughts. Students were given a sample session from the increasingly popular Headspace app that is used for guided meditation. Prepare for culture shock – it can come when you least expect it! Resist peer pressure – everyone deals with things differently, you don’t need to go along with the crowd. Recognize the signs of depression and act on them if you spot them in yourself or others. Learn some self-care strategies –how do you best take care of yourself? Know when and how to seek help. In feedback forms collected after the workshop was over, students described the workshop as: 90% of students said that the workshop helped them to understand culture shock. 100% of the participants stated that the workshop gave them ideas on how to take care of themselves. 79% of the participants said that they understood depression better after the workshop. This is the fourth year CandleX has collaborated with ESC and every year the workshop is honed based on feedback from previous years to align the content more closely with the students’ wants and needs. Do you see a need for a specific mental health workshop for teens in Beijing? We work with partners to deliver specific workshops to vulnerable populations. E-mail info@candlex.cn. #eventreview #studyabroad #depression #mentalhealth #workshop #teensCandleXcollaborations

“I am hiding in the corner because if they know, they’ll judge me I am suffocated, because you don’t know what I am going through I am exhausted because I have to fake like I am okay” --words from people with bipolar disorder Because we want you to hear their voice, and because we want them to be strong enough to step up, we are putting together a book, and we need your support. #B An art educational book on bipolar disorder with 3 key elements: 15-25 photos a personal story accompanying each photo basic knowledge of bipolar disorder One month, and one month only Starting today, there’s 29 days left! Share and Donate Donation of any amount is appreciated Share on your social media. Scan for the fundraiser details for Chinese speakers for English speakers Background of the Book In September 2016, CandleX initiated a new project: MoodlaB - awareness raising on bipolar disorder. It aims to unite the hidden voices in the dark, and bring unseen faces together. It’s been a year, and we are half way through. The Moodlab photoshoot is the core element of this project, with the studio room component now completed. For the past 12 months, we have invited 20 community members into our studio and partnered with famous Spanish artist: Pere Ibanez (www.pereibanez.com). The models are ordinary people in our community who have a connection with mental disorder (particularly bipolar disorder). They are people who have bipolar disorder, or have a loved one with bipolar disorder, or they are a mental health professional. Every two months, we released a photo around the world, and to date we have released 5 photos around the world and promoted to our community to learn about bipolar disorder. Click here for more information on our exhibition updates. 10th of September is World Suicide Prevention Day. We chose this month to launch this fundraising campaign because 1 out of 4 people who have bipolar disorder attempt suicide and 1 out of 10 suicide attempts are successful. This has decreased from 20 years ago due to improvement in patients seeking helping and clinical treatment. However, this is still too many. CandleX provides psychosocial support to people with mental health issues, and many are people with bipolar disorder. So we are the voice for them, and for those who are still deciding whether to step out to seek help. We aim to publish this book by March 30, 2018 which is World Bipolar Disorder Day. It will be available to the Beijing community, NGOs and an online version will also be made available. We hope the book can improve the recognition of bipolar disorder. #B: Bipolar, capital B, also stands for “be”. Help the world to unlock the potentials in all of us, despite the limitations that we all face. Join us To #B Events In order to heal and build resilience, we strongly encourage you to attend our other CandleX events: CandleX Rooftop yoga Travel to Grow- National Holiday to Thailand Read CandleX psychoeducation articles to learn essential knowledge on depression CandleX Classroom Depression stories from our community members CandleX Column | My Story with Depression A CandleX’s production on Depression The Tiny Little Box | A Documentary on Depression #bipolar #moodlab #Beijing

I've been running the CandleX Mental Health Group for 2.5 years now! Tom from TheBeijinger interviewed me to get an idea of some of the mental health issues experienced by expats in Beijing, and the snippets of support and recovery. I really enjoyed this interview. It helped me to categorize my thoughts, and to have a better understanding of what this group means to the community. I hope you can share this post because when some of us read it, they will know they are not alone. http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2018/02/03/ngo-candlex-helps-shine-flame-mental-illness-beijing Xiaojie

I woke up in a hotel bed in Chiang Mai, Thailand, checked my phone. There it is, on my screen My breath was gone for a second. The next thing I knew, I burst into tears. My head went blank, an overwhelming amount of sadness and shock came over. I was in disbelief but I also knew it’s true. Actually, it wasn’t a surprise. David was diagnosed with cancer a few months back and I learned about it accidently while visiting him in his home of Tecumsch, Michigan, the USA. I was concerned for months. I prepared myself for the worst. David and I met when I was in my third year of college. I got a summer job teaching an English summer camp, and was paired with a foreign teacher. That was David. He was in his 60s at that time. He was an interesting elderly person, I thought to myself. He loved learning about other cultures, thought it was wrong that society expected women to shave their legs. He loved taking candid pictures and put his foot in it, like it’s some kind of signature. He had a journal that he kept, and sometimes he asked me to write a few words in it, or sign it. David was so overweighed that he always had this stick with him, with pictures of his beloved in his family and things that he valued. He was a harsh judge when it came to American politics and was a vocal humanity supporter. Most of all, he was a kind and caring person whose actions brought so much light and courage to others. So, we became friends that summer. I call him Grandpa David. When the summer camp ended, we spent a couple of days in Chengdu and parted our ways. The year after, he came visit me in my university in Beijing. I was on the campus radio team and I invited him to be my guest speaker. When my class had a graduation trip, David came with as well. College life soon became a chapter written and the new chapter began. One that was so much harder. It was a decade of experiencing love and heartbreaks, uncertainty, hopes, confusion and excitements. All these big moments, David was there saying two things: You are a brave young woman and you will get through this. There were so many times that I cried on the phone talking to David. He was such a good listener. He always made me feel that I wasn’t as much of a loser as I thought. Grandpa David supported me through some of the worst moments in my life. When life was going well. He genuinely was happy for me and always says: I am so proud of you! So proud that he would leave long comments on my Facebook update and tag everyone he knew. I don’t always know if what I do make any sense, but David’s happiness reassured me that it does. He’s a big advocate for mental health. He’s lived through many episodes of depression himself. Because of that, he was able to support me when I started experiencing depression and was completely at loss of what’s going on. In my eyes, he’s a hero. It’s never easy to live a life with depression. He had many episodes in his and he marched on. I have lots of respect for old people just because they have made that far despite of all life’s challenges. I have lots more respect for David for always being himself, and never gave up. I finally went visit him last year, 2019, in his home town of Tecumseh, Michigan, the USA. He was 78, and still the same person that I knew. Well, half of the size than a decade ago, but it’s still him. I landed at the Detroit Airport and there he was, with his sister Mary, coming to pick me up with a cute sign with my name on it. It’s a small town where there’s only one main street. I stayed with him in his humble apartment. He’s a man with a very simple life. He didn’t think its necessary to buy a new pot, or a soap holder, or a bathroom mat. I went to the Dollar General and got them for him. he thought it was so unnecessary, but later he told me “I really enjoy the new things you have gotten for me. They do make a difference”. That made me smile. I love going to Dollar General just look at the items that people use here and how interesting that was to me. David joked about wanting to throw a rope on me to drag me out of there. Simple man as he was, he went get a bed in his spare room because I was coming to visit. He asked me if the mattress was comfortable. It warmed my heart. My days there were wonderful and full of happy memories. We went to McDonald’s just because I wanted to do the drive through. So we did, twice! Because the first time, we forgot to pick up the food. It was one of the best trips I had in my life. Everywhere I went with David, people seem to have heard of me already. If they have not, David made sure they did by telling them our stories in China and my little adventure of mental health, in the bank, at Mc Donald’s, at the icecream shop, the vintage shop, yoga studio, the furniture shop. He was so proud of me that I wonder if I actually live up to it. I choose to believe him though, because he would tell me that I should! He took me to meet many of his brothers and sisters. I loved going to sister Mary’s for tea and brother Don’s to visit his family of 2 grandkids. I tagged along with his big family and went to a grand kid’s musical play one day in town where all the kids dressed up in costumes and played instruments. Sister Mary, David and I also went to the library for the ghost hunting presentation one night. I am serious, it’s a profession! I know! At the age of 78, Daivd still had a great sense of humor. One day, we finished lunch at a restaurant and went back to the car. He drove out of his parking spot, and 1 min late, parked the car in the other part of the parking lot. “here we are.” he said. I looked at him confused and he said, this is the furniture store (which is just 2-3 stores away from the restaurant). I laughed so hard! I don’t think anyone else would do this but David. He’s got a funny soul. However, I did make David walk too. It’s Halloween time in the US. I persuaded him that we should get out of the car to check out all the Halloween decoration at each house one by one instead of driving 50 meters each time. He gave in and did say that it’s a good idea to walk. We had a nice artful walk where we played with cats, danced at someone’s lawn, photographing at someone’s house, and etc. It was a nice fun day. He also brought me to his vet to vet peer support group, which he was so excited about. It was important to him, so it was to me. It was a weekly meeting that he went to at a hospital. I got to meet the retired vets, who were curious about me, and what I was doing in China. I, standing there, was full of gratification, to be able to see these men in their late years, coming together supporting one another. David had always been active in supporting mental health. He always said he’d like to come back to China and participate in CandleX events, and also help to raise the awareness. I thought why not getting David started then. We had a spontaneous interview with him and his brother Don on mental health and released these videos late last year. It was the same morning that we went to hospital for vet-to-vet support group that I learned David had cancer. He happened to have an appointment that day too. I was shocked. The doctor found cancer in his lungs and was still diagnosing what stage of cancer that was. David didn’t seem to be sad, scared, or frustrated. The way he mentioned it was so light, like he was telling me it’s just a cold. I stayed with him for a few more hours there. I sat with him in the doctor’s room, while the doctor was giving him more information about the cancer. I was so unprepared and did not feel the impact until we were driving back. As I was sitting in the car, watching trees passing by, my tears came down. It might be the last time I saw David; I was thinking to myself. David didn’t talk about the cancer. I did not ask. At some point during my stay, I asked him, “have you ever thought about what you’d do with your ashes?” David said he’d like to have them mailed to his friends around the world and get them spread there. I smiled, that is him talking. The rest of the days, we were living it like another day. We went to some shops, restaurants in town. Oh, we did go to prison. I know! He got into trouble, which led to an errand local prison. At the age of 78, somehow he managed to get into trouble like a teenager. Five days were short. David and sister Mary drove me back to the airport. My heart was so full of love and appreciation. I could not imagine a better visit than this. When we arrived at the airport, David said he would like to withdrew USD5000 and would like to give it to me to support what I do in China. “that’s why he asked me a few times how much cash I could bring back to China” I was thinking to myself. I thought it was a weird question. My tears came down because my heart was just melt away by his love and support. I flew back to Beijing and I kept in touch with David. I checked in with him on his treatment, he said it’s going well. But he just didn’t reply as much as he used to if he replied at all. I was worried, but I also knew he would never want me to worry. So I still wrote, in short sentences of my life updates. He gave me a thumb up in return. Late December, he replied to my messages and said he would reply a few hours later. That was the last message I got from him. It took me almost a year to finish writing this. Life has always been so full. It’s like swimming, we are mostly just padding on the surface of water. I miss Grandpa David. Yet, it feels like I need time, courage, space to go back to our stories and write them down. Every time, I type, tears of sadness, joy, love, inspiration and amazement came up. It’s like a deep dive into the ocean. David was an amazing person who lived such a full life. His life is the message that we can live with depression and still find joy, meaning, love, and be the inspiration. Now I am friends with his big family in Michigan, sister Mary and her big loving family of three generations, brother Don and his big family. We are in touch and it always makes me smile to see their life updates and hear from them on Facebook! See, this is what a man can do, building connections and meaningful bonds among people. This is still David in action. I miss you and I will now go to bed. This is when you would say HAGS (Have a good sleep) and Namaste CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing Pretreatment CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: niama_elazzab for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings and biweekly hangout

For the last two years, the Mental Health CandleX Wechat group has provided a safe and supportive space for deep and meaningful conversations about anxiety, depression and other mental health issues that can sometimes be uncomfortable to talk about in daily life. The group is made up of an exciting fusion of psychologists, media professionals, community leaders and other people motivated by a commitment to help either themselves or loved ones overcome their difficulties. Together, we have inspired and nurtured this community through our shared passion, knowledge and experience. CandleX will now provide the opportunity to develop deeper connections with like-minded people living in Beijing. We invite everyone to join us for our first ever hangout event in December 2020 – just in time for Christmas. Come and meet other people passionate about mental health issues. We plan to have heart-warming, meaningful and engaging conversations while embracing the festive spirit together. Anyone and everyone are welcome, and we highly encourage community leaders to join us so we can hopefully collaborate and join forces to scale up the mental health support scene in Beijing. The new year is almost upon us, and by coming together we hope to impact, inspire and help more people than ever before. At least two CandleX staff members will be present to discuss possible cooperation opportunities in more detail. We will be in SOHO Sanlitun for a fun evening of chatting, delicious food and Christmas cheer, enjoying both authentic Sichuanese cuisine as well as Turkish kebab. It’s guaranteed to be a good time! We aim to organize a hangout event like this every month from now, so don’t fret if you can’t make it this time round. Just remember to keep an eye out for the next one. We would like to invite you to hang out with us on Sunday December 27th, 2020. Please see below for more details. Time: Meet at 6:00 pm in Dianbadianer Hongyou Dumplings. We’ll officially finish up at8:00 pm, though at previous CandleX events we usually end up staying longer and finishing at around 10:00 pm! (Of course, you can leave at any time you wish). Date: December 27th, 2020 Location: Sanlitun Restaurant: Dianbadianer Hongyou Dumplings (B1-238 1F SOHO shopping mall, 点吧点儿红油抄手) & Doner Kebap ( 6-116 1F SOHO shopping mall) If you love spicy food you don’t want to miss these authentic Sichuanese snacks! Hongyou Dumplings also offers limited vegetarian options, and Doner Kebap has a wider range of green options. Not pet friendly Ticket fee: There are five available options: o 100 RMB – standard fee o 130 RMB – 100 standard fee + 30 donation to CandleX’s support group o 160 RMB – 100 standard fee + 60 donation to CandleX’s teen project o 190 RMB – 100 standard fee + 90 donation to CandleX’s teen project o 80 RMB – for students and people with financial difficulties, CandleX will subsidize 20 RMB Early bird registration closes on December 24th at 04:00 pm. After that, the standard fee will rise to 120 RMB. RSVP: Click here or scan the QR code below to get your tickets now! Please leave your Wechat ID so we can contact you. All proceeds will go towards supporting CandleX’s projects. Click the links below for more information. Support group sign up Mental health for teens | CandleX on air CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing Pretreatment CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: niama_elazzab for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings and biweekly hangout

In light of raising awareness on World Mental Health Day 2020 today, we interviewed Michael, whose name has been changed as he preferred to remain anonymous, a volunteer from AA in Beijing, about his experiences with alcoholism and recovery. Our interviewer Alison Qiu is from our Teens’ learning group as well as our Teen Writers’ Club. She is a Chinese high school student studying in the US. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is an international fellowship of men and women who help one another to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. As alcohol abuse can seriously damage a person’s mental wellbeing, CandleX hopes to raise awareness on this issue. With our Teens and Young Adults learning group, it has been our mission to find ways to engage and empower teenagers who may be struggling with mental health or who just have an interest in expanding their knowledge on the varying ways many deal with mental health issues. Therefore, we do our best to engage our teens in as many ways as possible. We want to give our special thanks to Anna Hartley from Beijingkids for supporting our teen interviewer Alison on the interview and editing. With this interview, we hope that anyone who struggles with alcoholism may find this article helpful. Michael initially came to China in early 2017 to take some time off and study Chinese. He had previously never left his home country of South Africa, but says that experiencing Chinese culture has been amazing. An entrepreneur, Michael decided to channel his love of coffee first into a business in Beijing, and secondly into an import-export company in Shanghai, which he registered at the end of his first year in China. On September 19th 2020, Michael just celebrated 14 years of sobriety, and he says that his recovery has gifted him with a fulfilling life in China and more profound relationships. We talked to him about his journey to sobriety and what he has learned. Alison: When did your struggle with alcohol consumption start? Michael: My drinking started when I was 12 and I was fortunate enough to have gone to a treatment facility five months after my 21st birthday. I’ve gotten sober since then and it’s been a blessing to be where I am and to still be sober. Alison: What was your treatment experience like? Michael: The treatment facility has a program to which a patient with any sort of addiction is introduced, including alcohol, drug abuse, eating disorders and gambling disorders. That’s how I got introduced to AA for the first time. For the first week of treatment, I couldn’t sit outside the facility at all. I was on lockdown for seven days, so that I could get into a frame of mind where I could stop focusing on everything on the outside, but rather on the inside. In September of 2006, I attended my first AA meeting outside of the facility, and I’ve been going since then. We do online meetings as well, especially this year. I attend quite a few meetings – two or three a week – with my fellows from South Africa, plus maybe three meetings in Beijing. So I go to about five meetings per week. Alison: Are these meetings helpful for you? If so, how? Michael: Extremely. Before AA, I tried to stop drinking on my own but I couldn’t control it. I tried changing the type of alcohol, the location where I went to drink, and people that I drank with – I tried everything but I just couldn’t. But since going to treatment and meetings, I saw something that would save me from my obsession. I could listen to other people share their experiences going through things that I was too ashamed and scared to acknowledge. I hadn’t known that there was a solution for alcohol consumption, but after they shared their experiences and hope, I was able to see that some people have gone through similar things as I have. They’ve all found something that’s been keeping them sober, and that encouraged me to want sobriety even more. Before I went into a treatment facility, I'd always had this huge dream of being sober, of being able to live a life, travel the world, save money, buy a car, and be a good partner, brother, and son. But drinking confined me to a space where I was unable to do anything of that kind. During the first two weeks of going to meetings, I managed to get myself a sponsor. He came to share at the treatment facility, and his story started exactly the same as mine and was similar in so many ways. I was emotional because I related so much, especially since I always thought I was different, and that no one would understand what I was going through on a daily basis. Knowing that other people struggle the same way made me feel like I was not that different. That gave me hope. After he finished sharing, I went up to him and asked him if he would be my sponsor. I was stuttering and couldn’t get the words out because I was so emotional. But he said yes. Since then, I was extremely scared to go back to where I had been in life. I started putting in a lot of effort to secure a good foundation. Alison: What were some negative consequences of alcohol abuse on your life? Michael: There are so many. Let’s start with the obvious: my family relations were damaged. My father and my stepmother were divorced because of my behavior of drinking as a teenager and the amount of trouble I caused. I have one biological sister, three half-sisters, and a half-brother. Throughout the years of my drinking, I seriously damaged my relationship with family members, because I was rebellious and my parents didn't know how to deal with me. They didn’t know what was going on. I was really good at manipulating and lying to them. I was on survival instinct; I tried to cope with everything with alcohol. I also damaged friendships and was unemployable. People gave me a chance to work after I finished school, but they found out that they couldn’t trust me because of all the drinking and the hangovers. On an emotional level, alcohol abuse was terrible. The shame and guilt were so much that I thought I couldn’t live with it. I tried to commit suicide three times, and thankfully I failed. Alison: How have things changed since you’ve been sober? Michael: I get goosebumps when I speak about what’s gotten better. I can go to a pub with friends normally. They know my story, and they know that I don’t drink, but they always make sure that I have a cup of Coca-Cola in my hands. It’s not about getting drunk, it’s just about a group of guys having fun together; talking, looking at girls, talking about football and doing other typical guy things. They don’t have to worry about driving back home under the influence of alcohol because they have a designated driver (me). That was something that really stood out because I could start becoming a real friend. I could start becoming a brother who showed up on time to my two sisters’ weddings. I could be there when my nephews were born. I could come to China. I’m getting emotional because that means a lot to me. I’ve been able to achieve so much in life since I’ve gotten sober. I started two businesses in China almost a year after I got here. I made some of the most meaningful friendships in my life. I met some of the most amazing and beautiful souls. I wake up and feel grateful for where I’m at. Today I am not obsessed with drinking. I can go to family gatherings and I can go out with my friends and I never have the desire to drink anymore. Alison: Looking back at your experiences, what advice would you give teenagers and young adults who might be struggling with alcohol or other substances? Michael: As a teenager who struggled with alcohol consumption, I felt too ashamed to admit it for the fear of what my friends would think about me. Now, I couldn’t care less how other people view me when I acknowledge that I’m struggling with something, because I’m not here to live my life for them to judge if I’m ok. I never knew life could be this beautiful. As a young adult, I thought my life was over. I thought I would not be able to have fun; I thought I’d be judged, but after I reached out, so many meaningful friendships were created. So my advice would be “don’t worry about what other people think.” If you’re struggling, just reach out. There’s always a person who is willing to listen, as long as you open up to the right kind of people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. I’m extremely grateful for where I am today. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for AA’s support groups and meetings. Note: All information above only represents Michael’s personal experience and opinion within the fellowship of AA. For more information about AA in Beijing, please visit https://www.aabeijing.com/.