Here’s the latest in our Community Writing Project. Lily, a 16-year old high school student originally from China, writes about her experiences with mental health as an international student in America. Thank you for sharing your story, Lily! If you have any comments about this piece, are affected by its contents or what to discuss with our community, scan the QR code at the bottom of this article to join our Wechat group. I came to America by myself as an international student at the age of 13. I did not prepare much for my American life. I was too young to understand how big the challenge would be. I landed in America with excitement, and everyone welcomed me. At that moment, I was truly happy because I thought I was free. My parents weren’t around anymore. I did not know what it meant to live in someone else’s house by myself. My freshman year flew by with numbness. I wasted my time, focused on useless things, made wrong decisions. On the last day of my freshman year, I lay on my bed and questioned myself: what did I do in the last 10 months, anything meaningful, anything worth telling my parents about, or anything to make me proud? No, I didn’t achieve anything. This sad mood lasted about two days, and I felt like I was stuck in a swamp. Looking back now, that was the beginning of my depression. But at that time, I had no idea about mental health and never thought that I would trip over mental health issues. My sophomore year was when my depression really started. I started to understand that I needed good grades to go to a good college, to make my parents proud, and to make all the money they spent on me worth it. I think the only way to make up the mistakes I had made before was to work really, really hard. The time I spent studying time was the only moment in which I did not feel so bad about myself. I started to try to be someone else, someone who looks perfect from the outside, and that kind of mindset turned into jealousy. Bitterness and resentment from everyday life made me feel even worse. Every time I felt so tired and tried to relax or take a nap. I constantly questioned myself - would the people I admire take a nap at this point? No, of course not, so why would I be relaxing? I did not think that I deserved to relax anymore. I always told myself to think about how much money my parents had spent on me. So, I just continued to study even when I was tired, and because I was tired I could not focus well, which in turn meant my grades suffered. Declining grades make me even more frustrated with myself, and as you can see, I was stuck in a bad loop. During that time, I was also in our school's soccer team, but after all these late-night studies and pain in the head caused my health to worsen, I was no longer picked in the starting team. With the negative feedback from my teammates and coach, I lost interest in my only hobby, soccer, too. I carried all these heavy loads with me and felt like a coin dropped into the deep, deep ocean without any light around me. I worked really hard to cover up my mistakes. I lived in the shadow of self-inflicted blame every single moment. It was really hard, and the voice in my head questioning the efforts I made got louder and louder. The questions I asked myself: Do I work hard enough? Do I deserve happiness? Am I worth the money my parents spend on me? Those questions hit my mind hard, and I could not get rid of them for years. Eventually, I started to cover my negative thoughts by playing games. Winning in games gave me a sense of achievement. But just a few weeks later, I lost my interest in games too. Every moment of happiness made me feel guilty. I started to find everything in life boring. I could hardly find anything in my life that could bring me excitement and happiness. I should have done something to end my depression, but I did not. Instead of facing myself and talking to myself, I choose to avoid my problems because of guilt. Unfortunately, that made my depression even worse. I tried to talk to my friends, but I didn’t know how to start. Every time I tried to tell someone that I thought I may have depression, they just stared at me with disbelief in their eyes and told me that I am someone who will never have depression. Ignorance and incomprehension from my host family make me feel isolated from others mentally. I did not want to talk to anyone anymore, not even my parents. During the hardest time, I had a lot of suicidal thoughts, and I never thought that I could ever make it this far, but I did. I am so glad that I could make it through. I finally talked to one of my friends who could understand me, and one of my teachers who studies psychology. Both of them gave me really helpful advice and I started to face my emotions, and get better. I started to talk to my parents and tell them what I have been thinking, and tell them that I feel sorry and wish that I could change. My parents told me that they have never expected me to be number one at any given time, they just wished me to be happy and free. Their comfort warmed the coldest part in my heart and words could not describe how much better I felt after talking to them. It felt like I dropped all my loads and finally had a chance to breathe. If you are reading this, and you think you may have depression or negative thoughts, I genuinely ask anyone who has mental problems to talk to others, it does not have to be your friends, or parents, it could be anyone that you trust. You never know how good it will turn out. It is also a good idea to see a therapist, they could give you really helpful instructions. In addition, from my experience, I sincerely wish everyone who has mental problems could keep going, and not give up. I know it is hard, but once you overcome the fear in your heart and the anxiety in your mind, you can crush all the adversities in your life in the future. Many people see my story as unfortunate, and they are right. What I have encountered has changed me a lot, but I do not see it as a curse. Everything has a positive side that needs us to explore. In the past years, I have gained courage and life experience to face obstacles in the future. Join our WeChat group: Interested in what we do? Follow us on Twitter @CandleXBeijing for more.

Hi CandleXers, Here’s the next installment of our “Letters to Parents” series, in which we give Beijing high school or college-aged young people the chance to write a letter to some of the most important people in their lives – their parents. As ever, if you have any ideas or would like to join this project, get in touch. Dear Mom, When was the last time that you had to remind me to study? I don’t remember either, because it must have been a long time ago, and you don’t need to anymore. In fact, you feel proud to tell everyone that I’m the kind of daughter who takes the initiative to sacrifice her free time for SAT practice, or wakes up thirty minutes earlier every morning to learn Spanish by listening to CNN español. I might appear to be successful from the outside, and I’m glad to make you feel proud of me. The truth, however, is that ever since I have become this “productive” student, I feel the least successful as I have ever been. This need to always be working on something probably started when you told everyone about how well I did on the TOEFL exam four years ago. I must admit that it felt good to hear the congratulations from your coworkers and to know that my aunts and uncles were using me as a role model to motivate their children to study hard. But why did you only focus on my achievements, rather than who I was as a person? I knew that’s when my perfectionism started, and it was further encouraged by the many times that you bragged about what I have achieved or what I have done. What’s more, the “success stories” that you told me, about students who won one math competition after another, who went to top-ranking schools, were never helpful for my self-esteem. When you patted me on my back and told me that “I know you’ll be as successful as they are”, I was terrified and anxious. I know you want nothing but the best for your daughter, but it is hard not to interpret your message as that I will never be good enough until I become as successful as they are. Your focus on those external factors shaped my definition of success. You see, when I was productive or when I had accomplished something, I felt successful and worthy; without the shield of my achievements, however, I felt like a loser. My perfectionism told me that I'm not good enough by just being myself. I tried to be perfect in everything that I do because I was afraid of not being able to measure up to your expectations. As a result, I no longer felt confident without external achievements. For example, when I messed up on a mini-quiz that no one else even cared about, I criticized myself: “You’re so stupid. You got even the most basic questions wrong. You’re not good at anything.” When I wanted to award myself for taking the SAT by watching a movie, I couldn’t — twenty minutes into Call Me by Your Name, I became anxious about not being productive. I turned off the movie and opened my Biology worksheet. You probably can tell by now why I have always been so productive. I was driven by the fear of failure, a sense of duty, a never-ending satisfaction, and the desire to be accepted. How I wanted to take a break, spend a day to take care of myself or even just sleep in on a weekend. I couldn’t. I was so afraid of failing. But please don’t worry about me; I no longer believe in the vain promises of my perfectionism. Please don’t feel bad; I understand that you didn’t know either that focusing so much on what I can achieve could cause my mental health to deteriorate. There’s only one thing that I ask of you; that instead of “I’m proud of you for earning that A in math”, you would tell me, “Nothing is perfect. You are not perfect. But you are still worthy”. Love, Alison Thanks for reading! If you are affected by the issues in the letter in any way or are facing a mental health crisis, access support via the resources below. And remember to follow CandleX on Twitter if you haven’t already @CandleX_Beijing #mentalhealth #lettertoparents #perfectionism #selfesteem

Hi CandleXers! Thanks for the great feedback on our “letters to parents” series, in which we’ve been asking teenage Beijingers to write the letter to their parents they have always wanted to write. These anonymous letters are all written by teens that are either still in high school or have just graduated. “English class reminded me of you” To my dearest parents, It's been quite a long time since the last time I wrote to you. I hope you are all safe during this coronavirus situation. Recently, I’ve been reading The Crucible by Arthur Miller in English class, and the marriage between John Proctor and Elizabeth Proctor reminds me of your relationship to some extent. This book and my memories take me back to the old days. In the play, the author uses language to illustrate the intense relationship between John Proctor and Elizabeth Proctor. In Act 1, when John walks into the home, Elizabeth brings the soup and “sits and watches him taste it." While he praises her cooking, she "blushes with pleasure" and says that she "took great care" with the meal. John and his wife continue to engage in brief small talk, which increases the tension between them. Both of them are careful not to upset each other and prefer to speak about common subjects, such as the children and the crops. When John tastes his meal, he seasons the stew and lies to Elizabeth by saying, "It’s well seasoned". John's little lie indicates that the relationship between him and Elizabeth is unsteady and he uses minor compliments to make her happy. John continues to mention that he intends to purchase George Jacob's heifer and directly says, "I mean to please you, Elizabeth". It seems as though they are walking on eggshells. John tries hard to repair his damaged relationship with compliments. But even though he tries hard to please his wife, their relationship remains shaky. After reading Act 1 in The Crucible, I realize that your relationship is somewhat similar to John and Elizabeth’s relationship. Both of you want to make each other happy, but you are too busy with your work to spend time with each other. After a long day of tedious work, you engage in small talk, about your patients and the food. However, you never really communicate with each other about your feelings so there are always lots of misunderstandings. I really wish that you could respect each other’s thoughts and ideas, and listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Finally, I wish that you could open your hearts and show each other your real selves. Best, Mary Do you have writing on mental health that you would like us to publish? As ever, get in touch to let us know. A reminder that CandleX is now on Twitter! Follow us at @CandleX_Beijng for more mental health resources. #mentalhealth #teens #letter

Last year we published a video interview with David, a Washington participant in a mental health peer support group. The coronavirus outbreak in Beijing has meant that much of our peer support has been remote over the last few weeks, but CandleX is still committed to providing psychosocial support for Beijing’s English-speaking community. Here’s an interview with Emily, who has just started facilitating a peer support group for those bereaved by suicide in her hometown. If you are affected by any of the issues in this article or if you are in a crisis, tap on “Read more…” at the bottom of the page to see our Crisis Support resources. Hi Emily. Can you introduce yourself? I’m a health professional and a mother of four grown children from England! How did you get involved with the mental health support group? More than a decade ago, my partner and the father of my children took his own life after a long struggle with mental illness. It was an incredibly difficult time for me. The first two years after his death, I was so busy arranging everything that needed to be done, like the funeral, finances, and getting my life back in order, that I didn’t have time to think about my own mental health. But after two years, I finally started to deal with the situation mentally. This was one of the lowest times of my life. I heard about a mental health support group, Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide, through work. There wasn’t a group meeting in my hometown, but I drove for about an hour and a half to attend the first meeting. I have to say, the experience was really transformative for me. Why was going to the support group so useful? Hearing everyone else’s stories really put mine in perspective. In addition, having the space to discuss what had happened without worrying about what other people would think was really freeing. Most of the people there had experienced similar feelings to me – I no longer felt alone. It felt like taking a breath of fresh air to find out that it wasn’t just me in that situation, feeling totally isolated and ashamed. How did you become the coordinator of your local suicide bereavement support group? Together with the regional coordinators of the service, it was decided that it was time for my local town to get its own group. I knew there was a great need for this kind of thing in my hometown, and when the position came up, I decided that I could do it. What has it been like so far? It’s incredibly moving listening to the stories of the people that have come to the meeting. In the last session around 15 people turned up. Even though it is a challenging role, I feel proud that I am giving something back to the community that helped me so much a decade ago. However, it definitely takes a lot of emotional labor to do this role. I am not worried about my own mental health, but I am definitely aware of the risks to me too. Sign up to our mental health peer support group by following CandleX on Wechat. #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #psychosocialsupport #supportgroup #suicidalprevention

This week, we’re sharing this letter of a high school student Mary, who has written about her mental health issues with her parents. If you would like to contribute writing or get involved, let us know in the comments, on WeChat or email. We would especially like to hear from our younger followers! ​High school could a difficult time for many people. CandleX works with schools in Beijing to deliver workshops and events aimed at coaching students through this difficult time and equipping them with mental health resilience that will last them into adulthood. My dearest parents, It’s been quite a long time since the last time we really talked. I know you are very busy trying to earn a living, but all I hope is to have more of your company. When I won first place in the piano competition, I wish you could also stay with me and enjoy the moment, but you are so busy working at the hospital that you couldn’t spare time with me. There is a lot going on in high school, and I don’t have anybody to talk to. I feel very lonely and helpless sometimes. The academic pressure is huge because my courses are difficult to understand. The exams are very hard, and most of my classmates get higher scores than I do. My sleep quality is largely impacted. I remember that once I didn't sleep for a whole night and stayed awake till the morning. Even though I try my best to understand every concept, examine every question, and review my notes regularly, I don’t get satisfying results. My teachers say I’m too nervous about taking exams. I think so too because you put a lot of pressure upon me and I wanted to perform well on every exam, but it’s hard and stressful. I wish you could manage your expectations and encourage me to do better when I fail tests instead of showing a disappointed expression. Another reason for my bad exam results is my poor time management. Last semester, I spent most of the time playing at night. I often finished my homework at midnight and didn’t get time to review what l learned during the day. As a result, I crammed for my finals, but the scores were even worse than I expected. I hope you could give me some tips on how to be more relaxed while taking exams and how to organize myself better. Apart from the academic pressure, I don’t know how to express myself because I am more introverted compared to my more outspoken peers. I often have to do things I don’t want to do. For example, when my classmates ask me to go ice-skating with them, I would prefer to stay at home and do schoolwork. However, I didn’t want to let them down, so I couldn’t refuse them. So I went ice-skating with them and forgot that there was a deadline for my research paper for my English class. Unsurprisingly, I missed the deadline and lost many points on that project. If I had the courage to refuse their request, things may not go so badly. I often blame myself for not being decisive enough, and I wish I could be braver in voicing my opinions and decisions. I overthink other’s opinions so much that I forget to reflect my own feelings and speak out my inner thoughts. I know it’s important to be oneself, and I wish I could improve on this and gradually be myself and have the courage to speak up. Next month, I will go aboard to attend a piano competition. I wish to have your company. I wish you could encourage and comfort me if I lose the competition. And I wish to see your brightest smiles and applause for me if I finally win. Best, Mary A big thank you to Mary for sharing this letter with us. #teens #myemotionsmystories

Hi CandleXers! Here’s the second in our “Letter to my parents” series written by highschoolers in Beijing – the letters they have always wanted to write. We hope you find it interesting. If you want to contribute to the CandleX Wechat account, just let us know in the comments, by email or via Wechat. Thanks! Hi, Mom， Since I was in elementary school, our communication hasn’t been very well. I still remember the time when I was 8, you wanted me to practice algebra, but I didn’t want to. We argued for hours before you forced me to sit by the desk and complete the problems. The algebra questions weren’t hard, and it only took about 30 minutes to finish them. However, I just didn’t want to do it. I don’t know the psychology or logic behind it, but I find it so hard to just do what I’m told. Especially when you are the one who gives the order, Mom. I know that everything you have planned is for my future, my life, and myself as a person, but the way you pass those messages along really discourages me. I always feel stressed when I am with you, when I hear your voice, see your face… sometimes, I’m even scared of your presence. I tried to talk it out with you, but you said I feel this way because I feel afraid and intimidated to be in the presence of someone better than me. This might be true, but I’m not with some random person who have better grades or higher intelligence, I’m with my mother. Shouldn’t I feel a sense of caring and love from her? I know, everyone has different approaches to expressing their love for other people. Maybe your approach is just comparatively rational and harsh. I do appreciate everything you have given me. You taught me to speak English fluently, to have good manners, and to treat people with kindness and respect. I also know that you expect a lot more from me, but I just want you to be proud, Mom. I recall that our last argument was about preparing for the SAT exam. That day, when you walked through the doorway, seeing me with the cell phone in my hands, you were furious. You yelled at me, saying that I wasted my life and all the resources you have offered. I understood that your intention was just to remind me not to waste time on the screen. I, however, didn’t take it mildly. I shouted back, and we had a severe argument that lasted for almost 2 hours. Studying for a whole day, every day, from morning to noon, might be the most direct way to enter a Top-20 university in the US, but is that normal life for a teenager? You always say getting into a good college is the key to success, to wealth, and to a high quality of life. Even when I praise the good taste of the breakfast you have made, you remind me that I won’t eat the same type of food in the future, if I don’t put enough hard work into my studies. Mom, I really want you to see some of my positive qualities, rather than focusing on the time not following your instruction to memorize vocabulary and studying for the SAT. You have said that I rejected all your advices, but that’s not true at all mom. I have always observed and learned from you, your financial management skills, your character, and your life experience. Not following your guidance to study doesn’t mean I have blocked out everything about I love about you, and there should be a lot more connection between you and me, Mom. I love you, Your son, Ted #teens #myemotionsmystories

David passed away on 4 January 2020, shortly before the release of this video. David Schmidt cared deeply about mental health, and we now publish this video in memory of his kindness and his strength. Xiaojie Jan 2020 In the first of a new video series from CandleX, Founder Xiaojie’s old friend David shares his experience joining a support group for those struggling with mental health problems. If you or someone you know is going through a difficult time, scroll to the bottom of this article to find out how to sign up for CandleX’s peer support group or access other crisis support hotlines. Call Lifeline free in China on 400 821 1215 from 10 am to10 pm, 365 days a year. “It’s not just what I get from it – it’s also what I can give to it,” says David, an American man in his late seventies, when asked exactly what brings him back to the support group he attends in his local area every week without fail. It’s a testament to the value of giving back to the community and finding your place, and to David’s kind heart, which shines through in this video interview with CandleX director Xiaojie Qin. David Schmidt in Tecumseh Michigan, Photo by Xiaojie David may be living in a different continent, but the video makes it clear that some of the issues that he has faced are universal – who hasn’t felt some alienation when moving to a new place? Or wished that they had someone to listen to them in a non-judgmental setting? Attending a support group specific to your needs can be a valuable way to work through your issues. Watch the video below to find out more about David’s story: If you live in China, you can watch from our Tencent channel: https://v.qq.com/x/page/y3052ybu8g2.html If you live abroad from China, you can go watch from our Youtube channel: Next time we will share David’s brother Don’s experience with a family member living with mental health issues. Questions? Comments? E-mail us at info@candlex.cn. #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #Beijing #China #psychologicalsupport #suicideprevention #supportgroup #mystorywithdepression

Event participant Jacob reviewed our most recent workshop on the topic of Communication. By nature, we humans are social creatures. Thus, the way in which we negotiate our relationships, particularly surrounding disagreement, is critical to our individual development. We often struggle with effective communication and this can affect us in a multitude of ways. Thus, taking a moment of pause and reflect on how we communicate our thoughts, feelings, and (many times) our disagreement with others is needed. On April 25th, 2019, CandleX hosted a workshop on ‘fighting fair’. The workshop was held at the Moishe House, which provided a relaxed and intimate atmosphere for participants to open up about their desires regarding healthy communication. While the title of the talk may have led one to believe that ‘relationships’ focused exclusively on ‘intimate relationships’, the skills and practices shared by accredited therapist Kindall Tyson covered everything from friendships, collegial relations, to everyday moments in life. The workshop covered the different communicative styles and how to identify them, as well as some methods to communicate assertively but empathetically in order to make oneself heard. The workshop began with a discussion regarding personal communication styles. Prior to the discussion, participants in the workshop were asked to comment on what type of communication style they felt they often resorted to. After, a short questionnaire was given to see if participants’ self-perception matched their general communicative style, and some participants were surprised by the results (including the writer of this review). The four styles of communication then discussed were passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive styles; assertive communication being considered the healthiest form of communication. Participants were then given scenarios to try-out different styles of communication in different scenarios. This illustrated how the different communicative styles sound in real-life scenarios. Kindall then delivered some strategies on how to engage in effective communication. Both of these communicative tactics are important for engaging disagreement or conflict in an empathetic but assertive manner. The first was reflection. Reflection is a skill that is often overlooked in disagreement or conflict; this involves the active communication that you have heard and understood what the other person is communicating. Simply put, restating what the other party in a conversation has said. This shows the person to whom you disagree that you understand and care about what they have said. When delivering one’s own feelings on a subject it is good to use what are called I-Statements. These involve stating how you feel and personalizing your message so that it is less threatening to the other party. An I-Statement is formed by saying I feel (emotion word) when (explanation). This makes your statement less general and the listener will feel more receptive to your thoughts. For instance, instead of saying, “You never really listen to anyone; you’re not listening to me now!” you might instead say, “I feel disrespected when you don’t listen to what it is I have to say.” By adopting this style of voicing your opinion you open up a conflicting party to negotiation in a way that a generalized statement might not have done. The workshop involved both asserting yourself into a conversation, and being open to what the other party has to say. Knowing which communication style you are using and being conscious of what others are saying and feeling is critical to being an effective and assertive communicator, a role we will need to use in almost every relationship we will have in our lives. Review by Jacob Checked by Lucy Are you passionate about mental health and want to support Beijing’s English speaking community? Do you want to get involved in volunteering for CandleX or attending our workshops or events? Do you have an idea for an event that you would like to see us implement? Leave a comment below, follow our account, check out our online resources, or send us an e-mail at info@candlex.cn. #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #Beijing #China #workshop #communication #keyskills

Looking for a volunteer position with a fast growing non-profit in Beijing? We are a mental health focused organziation promoting awareness for depression and bipolar disorder in Beijing. Additionally, we provide social support to the international community residing in Beijing. Characteristics of this position It's one of the most dymanic positions in the organizaiton that allows you to see the overall operation of CandleX, explore your own interests, and gives you space to develop concrete skills. Our Team You will be working with a team of 10 people from all over the world. This is a team of talents, skills, and most importantly, easy-going, supportive and fun as key characters of the engine! We value professionalism to the core! That means everyone that you will be working with has demonstrated their commitment, their problem solving skills, reliability and team spirit. You know the saying, “A little gall spoils a great deal of honey”? at least that’s what baidu tells us! So yes, we are demanding of whom we work with, even it’s a volunteer position. But once you are in, you are family. We joke, we take care of each other, and we make sure we grow together! Some of us are spare time dancers, musicians, casual comedians. So expect life to be fun working on depression! You will be busy, like happy busy. Nobody gets burnt out here. It’s simply against our mental health rule! Benefit Personal growth is our key principle. We believe an organization that gives space for personal development will grow naturally. You decide what your role is! Try it out with us: communications, graphic designs, public speaking, event organizing, partnership building, editing, coordination. None of them interests you? Create your own here! Try them all, make mistakes! Find one thing that clicks with you here! (Also, you’ve guessed it. If we don’t offer money, we’d better offer something right?!) Job Description #Beijing #volunteer #mentalhealth #china

Want to use your networking skills to help raise funds for a growing mental health charity, Candlex? We are looking for a passionate mental health advocate to come and help us fundraise so that we can deliver more targeted mental health programs to reach those in need. We are a mental health focused organization promoting awareness for depression and bipolar disorder in Beijing. Additionally, we provide social support to the international community residing in Beijing. CHARACTERISTICS OF THIS POSITION It is one of the most rewarding positions in the organization, which allows you to work with a variety of stakeholders and individuals. Through this position, you will be able to enhance your professional skills and have a direct impact on the organization’s growth. OUR TEAM You will be working with a team of 10 people from all over the world. This is a team of talents, skills, and most importantly, easy-going, supportive and fun as key characters of the engine! We value professionalism to the core! That means everyone that you will be working with has demonstrated their commitment, their problem solving skills, reliability and team spirit. You know the saying, “A little gall spoils a great deal of honey”? At least that is what Baidu tells us! So yes, we are demanding of whom we work with, even it is a volunteer position. But once you are in, you are family. We joke, we take care of each other, and we make sure we grow together! Some of us are spare time dancers, musicians, casual comedians. So expect life to be fun working on depression! You will be busy, like happy busy. Nobody gets burn out here. It’s simply against our mental health rule! BENEFIT Personal growth is our key principle. We believe an organization that gives space for personal development will grow naturally. What if you become interested in other roles? Try it out with us: communications, graphic designs, public speaking, event organizing, partnership building, editing, and coordination. None of them interests you? Create your own here later on! Try them all, make mistakes! Find one thing that clicks with you here! (Depending on your experience and skill sets, this position can be a paid position) JOB DESCRIPTION (please click to view)

Want to use your writing skills for a growing mental health charity, Candlex? We are a mental health focused organization promoting awareness for depression and bipolar disorder in Beijing. Additionally, we provide social support to the international community residing in Beijing. CHARACTERISTICS OF THIS POSITION This position gives you a platform to write various articles for CandleX, from newsletter posts, to people’s stories. It also gives you a platform to build your connection with local and foreign media in Beijing, which allows you to work with a variety of stakeholders and individuals. Through this position, you will be able to enhance your professional skills. OUR TEAM You will be working with a team of 10 people from all over the world. This is a team of talents, skills, and most importantly, easy-going, supportive and fun as key characters of the engine! We value professionalism to the core! That means everyone that you will be working with has demonstrated their commitment, their problem solving skills, reliability and team spirit. You know the saying, “A little gall spoils a great deal of honey”? At least that is what Baidu tells us! So yes, we are demanding of whom we work with, even it is a volunteer position. But once you are in, you are family. We joke, we take care of each other, and we make sure we grow together! Some of us are spare time dancers, musicians, casual comedians. So expect life to be fun working on depression! You will be busy, like happy busy. Nobody gets burn out here. It’s simply against our mental health rule! BENEFIT Personal growth is our key principle. We believe an organization that gives space for personal development will grow naturally. What if you become interested in other roles? Try it out with us: communications, graphic designs, public speaking, event organizing, partnership building, editing, and coordination. None of them interests you? Create your own here later on! Try them all, make mistakes! Find one thing that clicks with you here! (Also, you’ve guessed it. If we don’t offer money, we’d better offer something right?!) JOB DESCRIPTION (please click to view)

I have secret. I have called a depression support line before. It was one of those moments that I felt the utmost despair that depression can bring. I could only imagine the person on the other side of the phone. I could talk to him, and I knew I was not burdening him. When I met Kate, when she interviewed to apply for a volunteer position with CandleX, I was intrigued by her experience as a mental health support line volunteer. Here is her reflection about providing help to the callers. I’d like to take the chance to thank all help line volunteers who have given a hug to a soul by being with them through difficult moments. - Xiaojie Author | Kate Editor | Xiaojie, Mara It’s 2:00 am and I hear the phone ring. Like any time when I get woken up in the middle of the night, I feel confused and kind of annoyed. I feel especially confused when I realise that this is not my bed. Then suddenly, it’s all clear. It’s my first night volunteering at a mental health support line and that ringing noise means this is my first call! The five or so steps to the phone seem so long and I am feeling really nervous. I’ve role-played this situation so many times in volunteer training but this is a real caller. What if I mess up? My co-volunteer and I pick up the phones together- I will talk and she’ll listen and step in if needed, most likely the caller will never hear her. Then I hear the caller’s voice. Instantly I feel a sense of calm rush over me. It’s not about me or my nerves anymore it’s just about being present and listening. During this first call, like many I would take as a phone line volunteer, the caller talked to me about their self-harm and depression. Hearing callers talking about depression had a big impact on me, especially hearing about the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness callers often felt. I went on to volunteer for the next two years, only stopping when I left university and moved to Beijing. Like many universities in the UK, mine had a Nightline, a phone line open through the night (8:00pm-8:00am) for students to call if they were experiencing mental health difficulties, challenging life events or just wanted to talk. Although many calls centred on depression, people called about a huge variety of topics including: anxiety, eating disorders, self-harm, study stress, relationship problems, coming to terms with and exploring their sexuality, homesickness, and, of course, prank callers who just wanted to waste your time. To become a volunteer you had to complete a training course where you learned the importance of being non-judgemental- not giving our opinions, non-advisory - not giving advice or suggestions, and confidential- not talking about what specific callers had discussed. It’s not easy following these policies as a volunteer, especially when people ask you directly- what should I do? What do you think? But they are really important as volunteers don’t have the necessary training and knowledge to give advice like a professional. It’s easy to see these policies as very limiting, but really they are there to help you listen and, where appropriate, help the caller evaluate their own options and thoughts for themselves - so as not to be just another voice telling them what to do. When someone feels they are alone with a mental health problem, just being heard and having their emotions recognized can mean everything. This means that just listening can be really powerful. I have adopted this non-advisory approach in my real life. Now, when a friend comes to talk to me I try to resist rushing to give my opinion or advice and give them lots of time to express what is going on in their own words. I try not to ask leading questions like, “Did that make you feel angry?” and ask more open questions like “How did that make you feel?” Finally, before giving my advice and explaining what I think they should do, I often ask what solutions or options they have considered. Then I talk through those options with them. I am not saying I talk to my friends like a stranger on a phone line but I have learned the value of listening, particularly active listening. Active listening is a technique often used in mental health counselling but also promoted in businesses and conflict resolution. For anyone with friends and family with mental health problems learning to listen actively can help ensure your loved one feels heard and understood. How often when you are in a conversation do you feel like you are just waiting to reply? Active listening is about focusing on really understanding what the other person is saying and responding to show the speaker you understand. This means giving your full focus to what the person is saying by eliminating distractions for example by trying to find a quiet place to talk, sitting with your hands still, not fidgeting, and stopping other tasks. As you are listening and analysing information it is important to respond to show you’re listening. This can be through non-verbal responses such as maintaining eye contact and making noises like “mmmhmm” that show that you are listening; and verbal responses like paraphrasing. Paraphrasing is when you take details of what the person has said and reflect it back to them for clarification, not necessarily using the same words but the main points of what they have said. Such as, “It sounds like your new medication is helping but also making it really difficult for you at work.” This shows the speaker you are listening and can also help you check your understanding is correct. I found using these active listening techniques to not only be really helpful as a volunteer, but also in my personal life. I think we often underestimate the power of listening. Focussing on your own listening skills can help us support a loved one with mental health difficulties. Source: Katherine Hurst, www.thelawofattraction.com The flipside of learning the importance of listening was that I also saw the importance of sharing. A problem shared might not be a problem halved, but experience from the phone line has shown me that talking openly about difficult emotions can really help. So many callers would start calls in a highly distressed state and end the call much more calmly, seeming to be more focused on their possible options and next steps forward. This showed me first-hand the importance of having a safe space to verbalise what you’re feeling. It’s sad that for so many of us it is difficult to find space in our lives to talk frankly about mental health without fear of being judged. That’s why I was so excited to find CandleX in Beijing, which despite taking a totally different approach to mental health, still creates an oasis where talking about mental health difficulties is not something to be ashamed of. For anyone going through a difficult life event or mental health problem I would encourage them to find someone trusted they can talk with. This person could be your doctor, a mental health professional such as a counsellor, someone from your faith, or a close friend or family member. Finding the right words to talk about negative emotions can be so difficult. I often admired the courage of callers for being brave enough to talk really honestly about the most difficult things in their lives. Furthermore, callers often delayed sharing their experiences because they worried about being a burden to their friends or family. But no one chooses to have a mental health problem, and no one should feel guilty for getting the help they need to start their recovery, or have to face a mental health problem alone. EVENTS In order to heal and build resilience, we strongly encourage you to attend our CandleX events: CandleX Rooftop yoga Travel to Grow- National Holiday to Thailand CANDLEX'S RESOURCES CandleX Classroom DEPRESSION STORIES FROM OUR COMMUNITY CandleX Column | My Story with Depression A CANDLEX PRODUCTION ON DEPRESSION The Tiny Little Box | A Documentary on Depression #Beijing