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CandleX works with schools to deliver workshops and training on various aspects of mental health. This workshop was the fourth time that our incredible counselor Melena has delivered a high-energy session aimed at Chinese students who are preparing to go to college in the USA. Let’s be honest, moving from China to the United States to further one’s education is exciting, but can be scary. On 13 April 2019, CandleX’s mental health consultant, Melena Slaven, M.A., CRC, NCC, presented to the Elite Scholars of China (ESC). This group of students are planning to go to some of the top universities in the US. Many have already been accepted and are counting down the days until their departure. While most of them have visited the US before, they realize that living there long-term will pose new challenges. Many students studying abroad run into mental health issues during their stay in a new country. The workshop was given to prepare the students for their life abroad and answer common questions such as: How do I cope with stress in college? How do I care for my emotional well-being in a new place? What mental health issues commonly affect college students? What are the cultural differences between the way that Chinese and American deal with these issues? Melena covered a wide range of topics and gave the students some information and tools to use in their everyday life whilst abroad. Here’s a (non-exhaustive!) list of her top tips for the students: Build up a social network as soon as possible after your arrival. Make use of technology at your disposal, such as the Meetup app, a great way to make friends easily. Practice meditation and mindfulness to calm down your thoughts. Students were given a sample session from the increasingly popular Headspace app that is used for guided meditation. Prepare for culture shock – it can come when you least expect it! Resist peer pressure – everyone deals with things differently, you don’t need to go along with the crowd. Recognize the signs of depression and act on them if you spot them in yourself or others. Learn some self-care strategies –how do you best take care of yourself? Know when and how to seek help. In feedback forms collected after the workshop was over, students described the workshop as: 90% of students said that the workshop helped them to understand culture shock. 100% of the participants stated that the workshop gave them ideas on how to take care of themselves. 79% of the participants said that they understood depression better after the workshop. This is the fourth year CandleX has collaborated with ESC and every year the workshop is honed based on feedback from previous years to align the content more closely with the students’ wants and needs. Do you see a need for a specific mental health workshop for teens in Beijing? We work with partners to deliver specific workshops to vulnerable populations. E-mail info@candlex.cn. #eventreview #studyabroad #depression #mentalhealth #workshop #teensCandleXcollaborations

“I am hiding in the corner because if they know, they’ll judge me I am suffocated, because you don’t know what I am going through I am exhausted because I have to fake like I am okay” --words from people with bipolar disorder Because we want you to hear their voice, and because we want them to be strong enough to step up, we are putting together a book, and we need your support. #B An art educational book on bipolar disorder with 3 key elements: 15-25 photos a personal story accompanying each photo basic knowledge of bipolar disorder One month, and one month only Starting today, there’s 29 days left! Share and Donate Donation of any amount is appreciated Share on your social media. Scan for the fundraiser details for Chinese speakers for English speakers Background of the Book In September 2016, CandleX initiated a new project: MoodlaB - awareness raising on bipolar disorder. It aims to unite the hidden voices in the dark, and bring unseen faces together. It’s been a year, and we are half way through. The Moodlab photoshoot is the core element of this project, with the studio room component now completed. For the past 12 months, we have invited 20 community members into our studio and partnered with famous Spanish artist: Pere Ibanez (www.pereibanez.com). The models are ordinary people in our community who have a connection with mental disorder (particularly bipolar disorder). They are people who have bipolar disorder, or have a loved one with bipolar disorder, or they are a mental health professional. Every two months, we released a photo around the world, and to date we have released 5 photos around the world and promoted to our community to learn about bipolar disorder. Click here for more information on our exhibition updates. 10th of September is World Suicide Prevention Day. We chose this month to launch this fundraising campaign because 1 out of 4 people who have bipolar disorder attempt suicide and 1 out of 10 suicide attempts are successful. This has decreased from 20 years ago due to improvement in patients seeking helping and clinical treatment. However, this is still too many. CandleX provides psychosocial support to people with mental health issues, and many are people with bipolar disorder. So we are the voice for them, and for those who are still deciding whether to step out to seek help. We aim to publish this book by March 30, 2018 which is World Bipolar Disorder Day. It will be available to the Beijing community, NGOs and an online version will also be made available. We hope the book can improve the recognition of bipolar disorder. #B: Bipolar, capital B, also stands for “be”. Help the world to unlock the potentials in all of us, despite the limitations that we all face. Join us To #B Events In order to heal and build resilience, we strongly encourage you to attend our other CandleX events: CandleX Rooftop yoga Travel to Grow- National Holiday to Thailand Read CandleX psychoeducation articles to learn essential knowledge on depression CandleX Classroom Depression stories from our community members CandleX Column | My Story with Depression A CandleX’s production on Depression The Tiny Little Box | A Documentary on Depression #bipolar #moodlab #Beijing

I've been running the CandleX Mental Health Group for 2.5 years now! Tom from TheBeijinger interviewed me to get an idea of some of the mental health issues experienced by expats in Beijing, and the snippets of support and recovery. I really enjoyed this interview. It helped me to categorize my thoughts, and to have a better understanding of what this group means to the community. I hope you can share this post because when some of us read it, they will know they are not alone. http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2018/02/03/ngo-candlex-helps-shine-flame-mental-illness-beijing Xiaojie

I woke up in a hotel bed in Chiang Mai, Thailand, checked my phone. There it is, on my screen My breath was gone for a second. The next thing I knew, I burst into tears. My head went blank, an overwhelming amount of sadness and shock came over. I was in disbelief but I also knew it’s true. Actually, it wasn’t a surprise. David was diagnosed with cancer a few months back and I learned about it accidently while visiting him in his home of Tecumsch, Michigan, the USA. I was concerned for months. I prepared myself for the worst. David and I met when I was in my third year of college. I got a summer job teaching an English summer camp, and was paired with a foreign teacher. That was David. He was in his 60s at that time. He was an interesting elderly person, I thought to myself. He loved learning about other cultures, thought it was wrong that society expected women to shave their legs. He loved taking candid pictures and put his foot in it, like it’s some kind of signature. He had a journal that he kept, and sometimes he asked me to write a few words in it, or sign it. David was so overweighed that he always had this stick with him, with pictures of his beloved in his family and things that he valued. He was a harsh judge when it came to American politics and was a vocal humanity supporter. Most of all, he was a kind and caring person whose actions brought so much light and courage to others. So, we became friends that summer. I call him Grandpa David. When the summer camp ended, we spent a couple of days in Chengdu and parted our ways. The year after, he came visit me in my university in Beijing. I was on the campus radio team and I invited him to be my guest speaker. When my class had a graduation trip, David came with as well. College life soon became a chapter written and the new chapter began. One that was so much harder. It was a decade of experiencing love and heartbreaks, uncertainty, hopes, confusion and excitements. All these big moments, David was there saying two things: You are a brave young woman and you will get through this. There were so many times that I cried on the phone talking to David. He was such a good listener. He always made me feel that I wasn’t as much of a loser as I thought. Grandpa David supported me through some of the worst moments in my life. When life was going well. He genuinely was happy for me and always says: I am so proud of you! So proud that he would leave long comments on my Facebook update and tag everyone he knew. I don’t always know if what I do make any sense, but David’s happiness reassured me that it does. He’s a big advocate for mental health. He’s lived through many episodes of depression himself. Because of that, he was able to support me when I started experiencing depression and was completely at loss of what’s going on. In my eyes, he’s a hero. It’s never easy to live a life with depression. He had many episodes in his and he marched on. I have lots of respect for old people just because they have made that far despite of all life’s challenges. I have lots more respect for David for always being himself, and never gave up. I finally went visit him last year, 2019, in his home town of Tecumseh, Michigan, the USA. He was 78, and still the same person that I knew. Well, half of the size than a decade ago, but it’s still him. I landed at the Detroit Airport and there he was, with his sister Mary, coming to pick me up with a cute sign with my name on it. It’s a small town where there’s only one main street. I stayed with him in his humble apartment. He’s a man with a very simple life. He didn’t think its necessary to buy a new pot, or a soap holder, or a bathroom mat. I went to the Dollar General and got them for him. he thought it was so unnecessary, but later he told me “I really enjoy the new things you have gotten for me. They do make a difference”. That made me smile. I love going to Dollar General just look at the items that people use here and how interesting that was to me. David joked about wanting to throw a rope on me to drag me out of there. Simple man as he was, he went get a bed in his spare room because I was coming to visit. He asked me if the mattress was comfortable. It warmed my heart. My days there were wonderful and full of happy memories. We went to McDonald’s just because I wanted to do the drive through. So we did, twice! Because the first time, we forgot to pick up the food. It was one of the best trips I had in my life. Everywhere I went with David, people seem to have heard of me already. If they have not, David made sure they did by telling them our stories in China and my little adventure of mental health, in the bank, at Mc Donald’s, at the icecream shop, the vintage shop, yoga studio, the furniture shop. He was so proud of me that I wonder if I actually live up to it. I choose to believe him though, because he would tell me that I should! He took me to meet many of his brothers and sisters. I loved going to sister Mary’s for tea and brother Don’s to visit his family of 2 grandkids. I tagged along with his big family and went to a grand kid’s musical play one day in town where all the kids dressed up in costumes and played instruments. Sister Mary, David and I also went to the library for the ghost hunting presentation one night. I am serious, it’s a profession! I know! At the age of 78, Daivd still had a great sense of humor. One day, we finished lunch at a restaurant and went back to the car. He drove out of his parking spot, and 1 min late, parked the car in the other part of the parking lot. “here we are.” he said. I looked at him confused and he said, this is the furniture store (which is just 2-3 stores away from the restaurant). I laughed so hard! I don’t think anyone else would do this but David. He’s got a funny soul. However, I did make David walk too. It’s Halloween time in the US. I persuaded him that we should get out of the car to check out all the Halloween decoration at each house one by one instead of driving 50 meters each time. He gave in and did say that it’s a good idea to walk. We had a nice artful walk where we played with cats, danced at someone’s lawn, photographing at someone’s house, and etc. It was a nice fun day. He also brought me to his vet to vet peer support group, which he was so excited about. It was important to him, so it was to me. It was a weekly meeting that he went to at a hospital. I got to meet the retired vets, who were curious about me, and what I was doing in China. I, standing there, was full of gratification, to be able to see these men in their late years, coming together supporting one another. David had always been active in supporting mental health. He always said he’d like to come back to China and participate in CandleX events, and also help to raise the awareness. I thought why not getting David started then. We had a spontaneous interview with him and his brother Don on mental health and released these videos late last year. It was the same morning that we went to hospital for vet-to-vet support group that I learned David had cancer. He happened to have an appointment that day too. I was shocked. The doctor found cancer in his lungs and was still diagnosing what stage of cancer that was. David didn’t seem to be sad, scared, or frustrated. The way he mentioned it was so light, like he was telling me it’s just a cold. I stayed with him for a few more hours there. I sat with him in the doctor’s room, while the doctor was giving him more information about the cancer. I was so unprepared and did not feel the impact until we were driving back. As I was sitting in the car, watching trees passing by, my tears came down. It might be the last time I saw David; I was thinking to myself. David didn’t talk about the cancer. I did not ask. At some point during my stay, I asked him, “have you ever thought about what you’d do with your ashes?” David said he’d like to have them mailed to his friends around the world and get them spread there. I smiled, that is him talking. The rest of the days, we were living it like another day. We went to some shops, restaurants in town. Oh, we did go to prison. I know! He got into trouble, which led to an errand local prison. At the age of 78, somehow he managed to get into trouble like a teenager. Five days were short. David and sister Mary drove me back to the airport. My heart was so full of love and appreciation. I could not imagine a better visit than this. When we arrived at the airport, David said he would like to withdrew USD5000 and would like to give it to me to support what I do in China. “that’s why he asked me a few times how much cash I could bring back to China” I was thinking to myself. I thought it was a weird question. My tears came down because my heart was just melt away by his love and support. I flew back to Beijing and I kept in touch with David. I checked in with him on his treatment, he said it’s going well. But he just didn’t reply as much as he used to if he replied at all. I was worried, but I also knew he would never want me to worry. So I still wrote, in short sentences of my life updates. He gave me a thumb up in return. Late December, he replied to my messages and said he would reply a few hours later. That was the last message I got from him. It took me almost a year to finish writing this. Life has always been so full. It’s like swimming, we are mostly just padding on the surface of water. I miss Grandpa David. Yet, it feels like I need time, courage, space to go back to our stories and write them down. Every time, I type, tears of sadness, joy, love, inspiration and amazement came up. It’s like a deep dive into the ocean. David was an amazing person who lived such a full life. His life is the message that we can live with depression and still find joy, meaning, love, and be the inspiration. Now I am friends with his big family in Michigan, sister Mary and her big loving family of three generations, brother Don and his big family. We are in touch and it always makes me smile to see their life updates and hear from them on Facebook! See, this is what a man can do, building connections and meaningful bonds among people. This is still David in action. I miss you and I will now go to bed. This is when you would say HAGS (Have a good sleep) and Namaste CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing Pretreatment CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: niama_elazzab for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings and biweekly hangout

For the last two years, the Mental Health CandleX Wechat group has provided a safe and supportive space for deep and meaningful conversations about anxiety, depression and other mental health issues that can sometimes be uncomfortable to talk about in daily life. The group is made up of an exciting fusion of psychologists, media professionals, community leaders and other people motivated by a commitment to help either themselves or loved ones overcome their difficulties. Together, we have inspired and nurtured this community through our shared passion, knowledge and experience. CandleX will now provide the opportunity to develop deeper connections with like-minded people living in Beijing. We invite everyone to join us for our first ever hangout event in December 2020 – just in time for Christmas. Come and meet other people passionate about mental health issues. We plan to have heart-warming, meaningful and engaging conversations while embracing the festive spirit together. Anyone and everyone are welcome, and we highly encourage community leaders to join us so we can hopefully collaborate and join forces to scale up the mental health support scene in Beijing. The new year is almost upon us, and by coming together we hope to impact, inspire and help more people than ever before. At least two CandleX staff members will be present to discuss possible cooperation opportunities in more detail. We will be in SOHO Sanlitun for a fun evening of chatting, delicious food and Christmas cheer, enjoying both authentic Sichuanese cuisine as well as Turkish kebab. It’s guaranteed to be a good time! We aim to organize a hangout event like this every month from now, so don’t fret if you can’t make it this time round. Just remember to keep an eye out for the next one. We would like to invite you to hang out with us on Sunday December 27th, 2020. Please see below for more details. Time: Meet at 6:00 pm in Dianbadianer Hongyou Dumplings. We’ll officially finish up at8:00 pm, though at previous CandleX events we usually end up staying longer and finishing at around 10:00 pm! (Of course, you can leave at any time you wish). Date: December 27th, 2020 Location: Sanlitun Restaurant: Dianbadianer Hongyou Dumplings (B1-238 1F SOHO shopping mall, 点吧点儿红油抄手) & Doner Kebap ( 6-116 1F SOHO shopping mall) If you love spicy food you don’t want to miss these authentic Sichuanese snacks! Hongyou Dumplings also offers limited vegetarian options, and Doner Kebap has a wider range of green options. Not pet friendly Ticket fee: There are five available options: o 100 RMB – standard fee o 130 RMB – 100 standard fee + 30 donation to CandleX’s support group o 160 RMB – 100 standard fee + 60 donation to CandleX’s teen project o 190 RMB – 100 standard fee + 90 donation to CandleX’s teen project o 80 RMB – for students and people with financial difficulties, CandleX will subsidize 20 RMB Early bird registration closes on December 24th at 04:00 pm. After that, the standard fee will rise to 120 RMB. RSVP: Click here or scan the QR code below to get your tickets now! Please leave your Wechat ID so we can contact you. All proceeds will go towards supporting CandleX’s projects. Click the links below for more information. Support group sign up Mental health for teens | CandleX on air CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing Pretreatment CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: niama_elazzab for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings and biweekly hangout

In light of raising awareness on World Mental Health Day 2020 today, we interviewed Michael, whose name has been changed as he preferred to remain anonymous, a volunteer from AA in Beijing, about his experiences with alcoholism and recovery. Our interviewer Alison Qiu is from our Teens’ learning group as well as our Teen Writers’ Club. She is a Chinese high school student studying in the US. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is an international fellowship of men and women who help one another to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. As alcohol abuse can seriously damage a person’s mental wellbeing, CandleX hopes to raise awareness on this issue. With our Teens and Young Adults learning group, it has been our mission to find ways to engage and empower teenagers who may be struggling with mental health or who just have an interest in expanding their knowledge on the varying ways many deal with mental health issues. Therefore, we do our best to engage our teens in as many ways as possible. We want to give our special thanks to Anna Hartley from Beijingkids for supporting our teen interviewer Alison on the interview and editing. With this interview, we hope that anyone who struggles with alcoholism may find this article helpful. Michael initially came to China in early 2017 to take some time off and study Chinese. He had previously never left his home country of South Africa, but says that experiencing Chinese culture has been amazing. An entrepreneur, Michael decided to channel his love of coffee first into a business in Beijing, and secondly into an import-export company in Shanghai, which he registered at the end of his first year in China. On September 19th 2020, Michael just celebrated 14 years of sobriety, and he says that his recovery has gifted him with a fulfilling life in China and more profound relationships. We talked to him about his journey to sobriety and what he has learned. Alison: When did your struggle with alcohol consumption start? Michael: My drinking started when I was 12 and I was fortunate enough to have gone to a treatment facility five months after my 21st birthday. I’ve gotten sober since then and it’s been a blessing to be where I am and to still be sober. Alison: What was your treatment experience like? Michael: The treatment facility has a program to which a patient with any sort of addiction is introduced, including alcohol, drug abuse, eating disorders and gambling disorders. That’s how I got introduced to AA for the first time. For the first week of treatment, I couldn’t sit outside the facility at all. I was on lockdown for seven days, so that I could get into a frame of mind where I could stop focusing on everything on the outside, but rather on the inside. In September of 2006, I attended my first AA meeting outside of the facility, and I’ve been going since then. We do online meetings as well, especially this year. I attend quite a few meetings – two or three a week – with my fellows from South Africa, plus maybe three meetings in Beijing. So I go to about five meetings per week. Alison: Are these meetings helpful for you? If so, how? Michael: Extremely. Before AA, I tried to stop drinking on my own but I couldn’t control it. I tried changing the type of alcohol, the location where I went to drink, and people that I drank with – I tried everything but I just couldn’t. But since going to treatment and meetings, I saw something that would save me from my obsession. I could listen to other people share their experiences going through things that I was too ashamed and scared to acknowledge. I hadn’t known that there was a solution for alcohol consumption, but after they shared their experiences and hope, I was able to see that some people have gone through similar things as I have. They’ve all found something that’s been keeping them sober, and that encouraged me to want sobriety even more. Before I went into a treatment facility, I'd always had this huge dream of being sober, of being able to live a life, travel the world, save money, buy a car, and be a good partner, brother, and son. But drinking confined me to a space where I was unable to do anything of that kind. During the first two weeks of going to meetings, I managed to get myself a sponsor. He came to share at the treatment facility, and his story started exactly the same as mine and was similar in so many ways. I was emotional because I related so much, especially since I always thought I was different, and that no one would understand what I was going through on a daily basis. Knowing that other people struggle the same way made me feel like I was not that different. That gave me hope. After he finished sharing, I went up to him and asked him if he would be my sponsor. I was stuttering and couldn’t get the words out because I was so emotional. But he said yes. Since then, I was extremely scared to go back to where I had been in life. I started putting in a lot of effort to secure a good foundation. Alison: What were some negative consequences of alcohol abuse on your life? Michael: There are so many. Let’s start with the obvious: my family relations were damaged. My father and my stepmother were divorced because of my behavior of drinking as a teenager and the amount of trouble I caused. I have one biological sister, three half-sisters, and a half-brother. Throughout the years of my drinking, I seriously damaged my relationship with family members, because I was rebellious and my parents didn't know how to deal with me. They didn’t know what was going on. I was really good at manipulating and lying to them. I was on survival instinct; I tried to cope with everything with alcohol. I also damaged friendships and was unemployable. People gave me a chance to work after I finished school, but they found out that they couldn’t trust me because of all the drinking and the hangovers. On an emotional level, alcohol abuse was terrible. The shame and guilt were so much that I thought I couldn’t live with it. I tried to commit suicide three times, and thankfully I failed. Alison: How have things changed since you’ve been sober? Michael: I get goosebumps when I speak about what’s gotten better. I can go to a pub with friends normally. They know my story, and they know that I don’t drink, but they always make sure that I have a cup of Coca-Cola in my hands. It’s not about getting drunk, it’s just about a group of guys having fun together; talking, looking at girls, talking about football and doing other typical guy things. They don’t have to worry about driving back home under the influence of alcohol because they have a designated driver (me). That was something that really stood out because I could start becoming a real friend. I could start becoming a brother who showed up on time to my two sisters’ weddings. I could be there when my nephews were born. I could come to China. I’m getting emotional because that means a lot to me. I’ve been able to achieve so much in life since I’ve gotten sober. I started two businesses in China almost a year after I got here. I made some of the most meaningful friendships in my life. I met some of the most amazing and beautiful souls. I wake up and feel grateful for where I’m at. Today I am not obsessed with drinking. I can go to family gatherings and I can go out with my friends and I never have the desire to drink anymore. Alison: Looking back at your experiences, what advice would you give teenagers and young adults who might be struggling with alcohol or other substances? Michael: As a teenager who struggled with alcohol consumption, I felt too ashamed to admit it for the fear of what my friends would think about me. Now, I couldn’t care less how other people view me when I acknowledge that I’m struggling with something, because I’m not here to live my life for them to judge if I’m ok. I never knew life could be this beautiful. As a young adult, I thought my life was over. I thought I would not be able to have fun; I thought I’d be judged, but after I reached out, so many meaningful friendships were created. So my advice would be “don’t worry about what other people think.” If you’re struggling, just reach out. There’s always a person who is willing to listen, as long as you open up to the right kind of people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. I’m extremely grateful for where I am today. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for AA’s support groups and meetings. Note: All information above only represents Michael’s personal experience and opinion within the fellowship of AA. For more information about AA in Beijing, please visit https://www.aabeijing.com/.

This year has been very hard for many people. The coronavirus pandemic and its aftermath have taken a heavy toll on people’s mental health. Some have found the help they needed in therapists and support groups. Today, October 27th 2020, marks the 5th anniversary of CandleX’s support group, which since its inception has helped dozens of people in the Beijing expat community find light in darkness. On this occasion, we would like to share with our readers the experience of one of its most recent attendees. SJ came to China from the US almost three years ago, and has been living in Beijing ever since. The reason why she decided to move to the Chinese capital was that she was looking for a change in her life and wanted to try something different. She is now enjoying her work as a teacher, while at the same time struggling with the situation created by the pandemic. - How did you hear about CandleX’s support group? What made you decide to join its meetings? During the quarantine I was having a difficult time, and I felt that I needed to talk to somebody I could share my feelings with apart from the people close to me. A friend who had attended the support group told me about it and suggested me to join the meetings, and so after some time I finally decided to go. I’ve attended four or five meetings so far, and I plan to attend more in the near future. I’ve also led two of them I’ve always done a lot of introspection work on myself and I have a lot of experience in support groups back home, although I’m not a therapist or a counselor. - How was the experience? Were the meetings helpful? If so, how? Yes, I think the meetings were helpful in many ways. They have a good structure, with some time for meditation at the beginning, which is a very nice way to start, and also helps you to focus on your feelings before sharing them with other people. Instead of a crosstalk, it’s just a chance to open your heart and talk to each other in an honest way. I strongly believe that speaking the truth is powerful, and talking openly about your feelings with other people can be very healing. This is why I think these meetings are so helpful: they set a stage where you can express yourself without fearof judgment. I’d say the best thing I got out of the meetings was finding people who could listen to me and understand what I was going through. Another thing I liked about the meetings is their confidentiality – it’s beautiful that we have the chance to share in such a comfortable atmosphere. - How did you feel about expressing your feelings with other people? Were you scared or nervous about that? I’m a very open person, and I’ve always felt comfortable about sharing my feelings with others. I also like listening to other people’s stories, because it helps me realize that I’m not the only one who’s struggling, that we’re all on the same boat. For example, two of my family members back home are having a hard time because of the pandemic – not being able to be with them makes me feel helpless sometimes, and this is a source of stress for me. Many other people are living in similar situations, and having the opportunity to talk about the experiences we’re going through can help everyone share the burden. - How have things changed for you since you joined the peer support group? I think I’m doing better. I’d say that, on a scale from 1 to 10, I’m now at 7 – as opposed to when I started going to the meetings, when I was at 1. I think I’m doing better. I’d say that, on a scale from 1 to 10, I’m now at 7 – as opposed to when I started going to the meetings when I was at 1. - You have also taken part in CandleX’s support group hangouts. How was the experience? I enjoyed the opportunity of hanging out with some of the people I had met at the support group in a different environment. I feel that in the hangouts I can share and enjoy other people’s company, instead of our pain, and this has helped me establish new friendships. It’s very nice to have a community that shares understanding and with which one can do things together, especially in a situation of uncertainty such as the one we are living through right now. - Looking back at your experience, what advice would you give people who might be struggling with depression or other issues? I’d tell people that there’s no shame in being human, that we all have issues even if our society has made us internalize the idea that it’s wrong to talk about them. We need to accept the fact that we have weaknesses, and that there’s nothing wrong with sharing them with others. As I just said, speaking the truth is powerful, and having a safe place to be honest with oneself and with others and talk about one’s feelings without any judgment or prejudice is a good way to start doing that. CandleX’s Resources Are you or a friend in a Crisis? Crisis Support Your questions on mental health | CandleX Classroom https://www.candlex.cn/classroom Depression stories from our community members (both adults and teens) CandleX Column | Community Writing https://www.candlex.cn/community-writing Pretreatment CandleX Wechat Groups all ages, add our admin: niama_elazzab for 15-22 year old, add our admin: amaraprenderyya Peer Support Group biweekly meetings and biweekly hangout

Here’s the latest in our Community Writing Project. Lily, a 16-year old high school student originally from China, writes about her experiences with mental health as an international student in America. Thank you for sharing your story, Lily! If you have any comments about this piece, are affected by its contents or what to discuss with our community, scan the QR code at the bottom of this article to join our Wechat group. I came to America by myself as an international student at the age of 13. I did not prepare much for my American life. I was too young to understand how big the challenge would be. I landed in America with excitement, and everyone welcomed me. At that moment, I was truly happy because I thought I was free. My parents weren’t around anymore. I did not know what it meant to live in someone else’s house by myself. My freshman year flew by with numbness. I wasted my time, focused on useless things, made wrong decisions. On the last day of my freshman year, I lay on my bed and questioned myself: what did I do in the last 10 months, anything meaningful, anything worth telling my parents about, or anything to make me proud? No, I didn’t achieve anything. This sad mood lasted about two days, and I felt like I was stuck in a swamp. Looking back now, that was the beginning of my depression. But at that time, I had no idea about mental health and never thought that I would trip over mental health issues. My sophomore year was when my depression really started. I started to understand that I needed good grades to go to a good college, to make my parents proud, and to make all the money they spent on me worth it. I think the only way to make up the mistakes I had made before was to work really, really hard. The time I spent studying time was the only moment in which I did not feel so bad about myself. I started to try to be someone else, someone who looks perfect from the outside, and that kind of mindset turned into jealousy. Bitterness and resentment from everyday life made me feel even worse. Every time I felt so tired and tried to relax or take a nap. I constantly questioned myself - would the people I admire take a nap at this point? No, of course not, so why would I be relaxing? I did not think that I deserved to relax anymore. I always told myself to think about how much money my parents had spent on me. So, I just continued to study even when I was tired, and because I was tired I could not focus well, which in turn meant my grades suffered. Declining grades make me even more frustrated with myself, and as you can see, I was stuck in a bad loop. During that time, I was also in our school's soccer team, but after all these late-night studies and pain in the head caused my health to worsen, I was no longer picked in the starting team. With the negative feedback from my teammates and coach, I lost interest in my only hobby, soccer, too. I carried all these heavy loads with me and felt like a coin dropped into the deep, deep ocean without any light around me. I worked really hard to cover up my mistakes. I lived in the shadow of self-inflicted blame every single moment. It was really hard, and the voice in my head questioning the efforts I made got louder and louder. The questions I asked myself: Do I work hard enough? Do I deserve happiness? Am I worth the money my parents spend on me? Those questions hit my mind hard, and I could not get rid of them for years. Eventually, I started to cover my negative thoughts by playing games. Winning in games gave me a sense of achievement. But just a few weeks later, I lost my interest in games too. Every moment of happiness made me feel guilty. I started to find everything in life boring. I could hardly find anything in my life that could bring me excitement and happiness. I should have done something to end my depression, but I did not. Instead of facing myself and talking to myself, I choose to avoid my problems because of guilt. Unfortunately, that made my depression even worse. I tried to talk to my friends, but I didn’t know how to start. Every time I tried to tell someone that I thought I may have depression, they just stared at me with disbelief in their eyes and told me that I am someone who will never have depression. Ignorance and incomprehension from my host family make me feel isolated from others mentally. I did not want to talk to anyone anymore, not even my parents. During the hardest time, I had a lot of suicidal thoughts, and I never thought that I could ever make it this far, but I did. I am so glad that I could make it through. I finally talked to one of my friends who could understand me, and one of my teachers who studies psychology. Both of them gave me really helpful advice and I started to face my emotions, and get better. I started to talk to my parents and tell them what I have been thinking, and tell them that I feel sorry and wish that I could change. My parents told me that they have never expected me to be number one at any given time, they just wished me to be happy and free. Their comfort warmed the coldest part in my heart and words could not describe how much better I felt after talking to them. It felt like I dropped all my loads and finally had a chance to breathe. If you are reading this, and you think you may have depression or negative thoughts, I genuinely ask anyone who has mental problems to talk to others, it does not have to be your friends, or parents, it could be anyone that you trust. You never know how good it will turn out. It is also a good idea to see a therapist, they could give you really helpful instructions. In addition, from my experience, I sincerely wish everyone who has mental problems could keep going, and not give up. I know it is hard, but once you overcome the fear in your heart and the anxiety in your mind, you can crush all the adversities in your life in the future. Many people see my story as unfortunate, and they are right. What I have encountered has changed me a lot, but I do not see it as a curse. Everything has a positive side that needs us to explore. In the past years, I have gained courage and life experience to face obstacles in the future. Join our WeChat group: Interested in what we do? Follow us on Twitter @CandleXBeijing for more.

Hi CandleXers, Here’s the next installment of our “Letters to Parents” series, in which we give Beijing high school or college-aged young people the chance to write a letter to some of the most important people in their lives – their parents. As ever, if you have any ideas or would like to join this project, get in touch. Dear Mom, When was the last time that you had to remind me to study? I don’t remember either, because it must have been a long time ago, and you don’t need to anymore. In fact, you feel proud to tell everyone that I’m the kind of daughter who takes the initiative to sacrifice her free time for SAT practice, or wakes up thirty minutes earlier every morning to learn Spanish by listening to CNN español. I might appear to be successful from the outside, and I’m glad to make you feel proud of me. The truth, however, is that ever since I have become this “productive” student, I feel the least successful as I have ever been. This need to always be working on something probably started when you told everyone about how well I did on the TOEFL exam four years ago. I must admit that it felt good to hear the congratulations from your coworkers and to know that my aunts and uncles were using me as a role model to motivate their children to study hard. But why did you only focus on my achievements, rather than who I was as a person? I knew that’s when my perfectionism started, and it was further encouraged by the many times that you bragged about what I have achieved or what I have done. What’s more, the “success stories” that you told me, about students who won one math competition after another, who went to top-ranking schools, were never helpful for my self-esteem. When you patted me on my back and told me that “I know you’ll be as successful as they are”, I was terrified and anxious. I know you want nothing but the best for your daughter, but it is hard not to interpret your message as that I will never be good enough until I become as successful as they are. Your focus on those external factors shaped my definition of success. You see, when I was productive or when I had accomplished something, I felt successful and worthy; without the shield of my achievements, however, I felt like a loser. My perfectionism told me that I'm not good enough by just being myself. I tried to be perfect in everything that I do because I was afraid of not being able to measure up to your expectations. As a result, I no longer felt confident without external achievements. For example, when I messed up on a mini-quiz that no one else even cared about, I criticized myself: “You’re so stupid. You got even the most basic questions wrong. You’re not good at anything.” When I wanted to award myself for taking the SAT by watching a movie, I couldn’t — twenty minutes into Call Me by Your Name, I became anxious about not being productive. I turned off the movie and opened my Biology worksheet. You probably can tell by now why I have always been so productive. I was driven by the fear of failure, a sense of duty, a never-ending satisfaction, and the desire to be accepted. How I wanted to take a break, spend a day to take care of myself or even just sleep in on a weekend. I couldn’t. I was so afraid of failing. But please don’t worry about me; I no longer believe in the vain promises of my perfectionism. Please don’t feel bad; I understand that you didn’t know either that focusing so much on what I can achieve could cause my mental health to deteriorate. There’s only one thing that I ask of you; that instead of “I’m proud of you for earning that A in math”, you would tell me, “Nothing is perfect. You are not perfect. But you are still worthy”. Love, Alison Thanks for reading! If you are affected by the issues in the letter in any way or are facing a mental health crisis, access support via the resources below. And remember to follow CandleX on Twitter if you haven’t already @CandleX_Beijing #mentalhealth #lettertoparents #perfectionism #selfesteem

Hi CandleXers! Thanks for the great feedback on our “letters to parents” series, in which we’ve been asking teenage Beijingers to write the letter to their parents they have always wanted to write. These anonymous letters are all written by teens that are either still in high school or have just graduated. “English class reminded me of you” To my dearest parents, It's been quite a long time since the last time I wrote to you. I hope you are all safe during this coronavirus situation. Recently, I’ve been reading The Crucible by Arthur Miller in English class, and the marriage between John Proctor and Elizabeth Proctor reminds me of your relationship to some extent. This book and my memories take me back to the old days. In the play, the author uses language to illustrate the intense relationship between John Proctor and Elizabeth Proctor. In Act 1, when John walks into the home, Elizabeth brings the soup and “sits and watches him taste it." While he praises her cooking, she "blushes with pleasure" and says that she "took great care" with the meal. John and his wife continue to engage in brief small talk, which increases the tension between them. Both of them are careful not to upset each other and prefer to speak about common subjects, such as the children and the crops. When John tastes his meal, he seasons the stew and lies to Elizabeth by saying, "It’s well seasoned". John's little lie indicates that the relationship between him and Elizabeth is unsteady and he uses minor compliments to make her happy. John continues to mention that he intends to purchase George Jacob's heifer and directly says, "I mean to please you, Elizabeth". It seems as though they are walking on eggshells. John tries hard to repair his damaged relationship with compliments. But even though he tries hard to please his wife, their relationship remains shaky. After reading Act 1 in The Crucible, I realize that your relationship is somewhat similar to John and Elizabeth’s relationship. Both of you want to make each other happy, but you are too busy with your work to spend time with each other. After a long day of tedious work, you engage in small talk, about your patients and the food. However, you never really communicate with each other about your feelings so there are always lots of misunderstandings. I really wish that you could respect each other’s thoughts and ideas, and listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Finally, I wish that you could open your hearts and show each other your real selves. Best, Mary Do you have writing on mental health that you would like us to publish? As ever, get in touch to let us know. A reminder that CandleX is now on Twitter! Follow us at @CandleX_Beijng for more mental health resources. #mentalhealth #teens #letter

Last year we published a video interview with David, a Washington participant in a mental health peer support group. The coronavirus outbreak in Beijing has meant that much of our peer support has been remote over the last few weeks, but CandleX is still committed to providing psychosocial support for Beijing’s English-speaking community. Here’s an interview with Emily, who has just started facilitating a peer support group for those bereaved by suicide in her hometown. If you are affected by any of the issues in this article or if you are in a crisis, tap on “Read more…” at the bottom of the page to see our Crisis Support resources. Hi Emily. Can you introduce yourself? I’m a health professional and a mother of four grown children from England! How did you get involved with the mental health support group? More than a decade ago, my partner and the father of my children took his own life after a long struggle with mental illness. It was an incredibly difficult time for me. The first two years after his death, I was so busy arranging everything that needed to be done, like the funeral, finances, and getting my life back in order, that I didn’t have time to think about my own mental health. But after two years, I finally started to deal with the situation mentally. This was one of the lowest times of my life. I heard about a mental health support group, Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide, through work. There wasn’t a group meeting in my hometown, but I drove for about an hour and a half to attend the first meeting. I have to say, the experience was really transformative for me. Why was going to the support group so useful? Hearing everyone else’s stories really put mine in perspective. In addition, having the space to discuss what had happened without worrying about what other people would think was really freeing. Most of the people there had experienced similar feelings to me – I no longer felt alone. It felt like taking a breath of fresh air to find out that it wasn’t just me in that situation, feeling totally isolated and ashamed. How did you become the coordinator of your local suicide bereavement support group? Together with the regional coordinators of the service, it was decided that it was time for my local town to get its own group. I knew there was a great need for this kind of thing in my hometown, and when the position came up, I decided that I could do it. What has it been like so far? It’s incredibly moving listening to the stories of the people that have come to the meeting. In the last session around 15 people turned up. Even though it is a challenging role, I feel proud that I am giving something back to the community that helped me so much a decade ago. However, it definitely takes a lot of emotional labor to do this role. I am not worried about my own mental health, but I am definitely aware of the risks to me too. Sign up to our mental health peer support group by following CandleX on Wechat. #mentalhealth #depression #bipolardisorder #psychosocialsupport #supportgroup #suicidalprevention

This week, we’re sharing this letter of a high school student Mary, who has written about her mental health issues with her parents. If you would like to contribute writing or get involved, let us know in the comments, on WeChat or email. We would especially like to hear from our younger followers! ​High school could a difficult time for many people. CandleX works with schools in Beijing to deliver workshops and events aimed at coaching students through this difficult time and equipping them with mental health resilience that will last them into adulthood. My dearest parents, It’s been quite a long time since the last time we really talked. I know you are very busy trying to earn a living, but all I hope is to have more of your company. When I won first place in the piano competition, I wish you could also stay with me and enjoy the moment, but you are so busy working at the hospital that you couldn’t spare time with me. There is a lot going on in high school, and I don’t have anybody to talk to. I feel very lonely and helpless sometimes. The academic pressure is huge because my courses are difficult to understand. The exams are very hard, and most of my classmates get higher scores than I do. My sleep quality is largely impacted. I remember that once I didn't sleep for a whole night and stayed awake till the morning. Even though I try my best to understand every concept, examine every question, and review my notes regularly, I don’t get satisfying results. My teachers say I’m too nervous about taking exams. I think so too because you put a lot of pressure upon me and I wanted to perform well on every exam, but it’s hard and stressful. I wish you could manage your expectations and encourage me to do better when I fail tests instead of showing a disappointed expression. Another reason for my bad exam results is my poor time management. Last semester, I spent most of the time playing at night. I often finished my homework at midnight and didn’t get time to review what l learned during the day. As a result, I crammed for my finals, but the scores were even worse than I expected. I hope you could give me some tips on how to be more relaxed while taking exams and how to organize myself better. Apart from the academic pressure, I don’t know how to express myself because I am more introverted compared to my more outspoken peers. I often have to do things I don’t want to do. For example, when my classmates ask me to go ice-skating with them, I would prefer to stay at home and do schoolwork. However, I didn’t want to let them down, so I couldn’t refuse them. So I went ice-skating with them and forgot that there was a deadline for my research paper for my English class. Unsurprisingly, I missed the deadline and lost many points on that project. If I had the courage to refuse their request, things may not go so badly. I often blame myself for not being decisive enough, and I wish I could be braver in voicing my opinions and decisions. I overthink other’s opinions so much that I forget to reflect my own feelings and speak out my inner thoughts. I know it’s important to be oneself, and I wish I could improve on this and gradually be myself and have the courage to speak up. Next month, I will go aboard to attend a piano competition. I wish to have your company. I wish you could encourage and comfort me if I lose the competition. And I wish to see your brightest smiles and applause for me if I finally win. Best, Mary A big thank you to Mary for sharing this letter with us. #teens #myemotionsmystories