Bipolar disorder, I refused to be identified with it, I accepted it, and then I moved away from the need to label myself. I am just me. I worked hard on getting to know this polarizing energy within myself in the past 10 years, and I befriended it. This is a reflection piece that I wrote back in 2017, which described how I felt about living with that energy. Reading it again, I see how my life has changed, and that sense of ‘half of a life’ diminished over the last few years. On this day of World Bipolar Disorder Day, I am sharing it with you. Xiaojie 30th March 2023 July 2017 Author: Xiaojie Proofread: Mara, Lucy The Moon Traveler | Half a Life The thing about bipolar is You have half of a life Many people with bipolar II spend longer time being depressed Than being creative, energetic, productive and happy When depression hits I was dead for months out of a year Before I was aware that it could be bipolar I was so confused “Why can’t I think of anything that I want to do?” I used to ask myself So one time when I was in remission I put together a list of things that I like doing or should do I thought maybe sometimes I just forget The depression hits Nothing on the list was appealing I was baffled Then there it came the long never ending days of despair Until the chemicals in my brain balances itself out It cycles I noticed it But I could do nothing about it Even when I was happy and contend I knew some day, I’d be on the other end It’s like being in the wavy ocean Your head is in and out of water I never had time to make sense of what’s happening When you can hold your head above the water All you can think of it to breath That’s what I was like I was trying to make most of my functioning days Running, doing, and rushing I know the color I can see will turn grey The music I hear will fade Some days would out of nowhere my limbs become so heavy that I wouldn’t be able to move them To me, I only have half of my life When I feel alive, I spin myself like a top Once you whip, you can’t stop! I’ve taken many walks at 6am because it’s quiet and beautiful I once watched a documentary about lepers twice in one night because it was fascinating I danced one weekend day for 14 hours, lost 3 toenails and had to go to physical therapy for my hips One Saturday, I studied online for 6 hours straight, just because. Hypomania That’s the technical word given for bipolar disorder II My body’s switch was finally turned on My soul woke up from hibernation, taking a big stretch So I was that volcano, pent up with lava that is pounding My mind decided to let it go “Make the most out of the time” there’s always that voice Missing out There were times in life I looked up and saw a plane in the sky I thought to myself that they are so lucky to have a destination I arrived in Paris Only found that my soul didn't get on the same bus with me I was in Rome Having the worst panic attacks of my life I saw the magnificent architecture But my emotions were too dried out to be in touch with the magnificence I was in Nepal I booked the flight back immediately after work Why stay for the weekend When where I am is of no difference Like most people I wish I didn't have to miss out on these wonderful things that are happening in life I also wish that I never have to miss out again despite that I know there will probably be times that I will Like for most people that wishful thinking creates a hamster wheel A lot of times I feel like a hungry homeless person That sees a plateful of food He wouldn’t sit down to smell and taste the food He’d just gulp everything down Just like him I was galloping life in one breath Until I finally started to do yoga and meditate That I realize there was other ways In a way, we all live in the waves of an ocean Some waves are bigger than others Mine certainly was like a tornado I am learning to ride the waves Not fighting it But riding it Learning to accept that others will experience things that I may never get to do helps me to bring the wave down. I know very well that I am experiencing things that some others would never do Don’t fear missing out Bring yourself back to the experience that you are already having Ignore the voice that tells you to do more The fear of missing out fades The joy of living the moment enhances

‘in the last eight year, I have encountered many challenges both as a facilitator and as the manager of our support group. I’ve documented our experiences, trained our facilitators, and brought all our learnings together in creating a manual. I hope by sharing this with the other people, we have more mental health activists that can get a better start and do great work. ’ -Xiaojie Qin Director of CandleX This year would mark our eight years of running our support group in Beijing. Seeing more need from emerging community members to do more on mental health, we are now providing training to prepare individuals to get on the path of mental health advocates and group leaders. This upcoming training provides practical guidance and knowledge based on accumulated experiences on challenges our facilitators encountered, ethical considerations, issues we have had running the support group. We will also share our internal training mannual that outline structure of CandleX’s signature program, mental health support group, and the step by step facilitating tasks of our facilitators. By doing this, we hope to make empower more people to get an easier start on creating their own mental health groups and projects. Who Should Attend: - People interested in pursuing mental health work - Mental Health Peer support facilitators - Community mental health advocates - Anyone interested in get on the path of becoming a mental health professional Learning Objectives: - Understand the principles of group facilitation and group dynamics - Learn effective communication skills - Develop conflict resolution skills - Develop strategies for creating a safe and inclusive space for group members - Learn about self-care and how to manage burnout - Get CandleX’s internal support group manual as a reference for you to start your own Certificate: You will get a certificate from us to indicate that you have completed this 3-hour training. More About the Training Content We created a question bank based on facilitator’s debrief, which we do after every session and document them. Over the years, we have engaged in discussions and mini-trainings amongst the members of our support group program team members as well as external experts to answer these questions. To make sure that this training is relevant to the training participants, we would like to have you pick out what questions you want to get answered so we could tailor the training more to the confirmed participants. Training Question Bank Facilitator’s Self Awareness and Management What is the skill that a facilitator needs to keep in mind when confronted with difficult situations in general? How to proceed with the session as a facilitator when feeling triggered by a topic that has been or is being discussed? What are the traps a facilitator could fall into when facilitating in a group? Facilitator’s self-care: there are responsibilities in being a facilitator, as well as benefits of feeling the meaning of life by giving, learning new skills. How do you balance your responsibilities to the group without compromising your own wellbeing? Conflict Resolution Skills: How to deal with conflicts amongst participants when happening in session? How to model disagreement respectfully? What should we do when we disagree with our peer facilitators? Group Dynamics Management Skills How to manage a participant who gives advices when not asked? What to do when a participant is in distress when sharing, intense emotional reaction during self-disclosure? How do respond to situations where a participant damages the progress of the session? How do we know when we need to take that person out of the room? What to do or not to do if there’s prolonged silence in session? Learn how to manage one or a few people who cannot stop talking or who interrupt others inappropriately? Improve the Operation Should the group sessions have a topic or it’s better to offer a topic free space? How do we get people to give feedback more? What negative feedback we’ve gotten so far? how do we improve? How to manage the expectations of participants towards the facilitator? Training Details Date: 9th April, Sunday 2023 Time: 2pm-5pm Location: Online via Voov Cost: 500rmb, no refund (Subsidies are available for individuals who are unable to pay but have demonstrated commitment and contribution to community mental health.) Registration: please contact Summer. Training Format: The training will be a combination of lecture, demonstration, group discussion, role-playing, and hands-on activities. Participants will have the opportunity to practice their facilitation skills and receive feedback from the trainer and other participants. About the Trainer Xiaojie Qin A psychotherapist, the director of CandleX, with 5 years of experiencing facilitating the Peer Support Group, and 8 years of experience managing the group up to now.

Are you looking to improve your bedtime routine or better manage your intense emotions? Then you'll want to hear from Xiaojie, a psychotherapist and director of CandleX. In this series of mini-sessions, she will share valuable insights and tools that she use in psychotherapy for emotional regulation. Now listen to what she says about this series. Mini-session series Details Time: 22:30-23:00 Beijing Time Sunday to Thursday, every day for 5 days Date: 26th-30th March 2023 Fee: 100rmb (this is a trial run) no refund Format: via Voov, guided session Registration: contact Summer. Transcript of Xiaojie’s video It's 10:30pm and instead of winding down, you find yourself unable to put down your phone. Perhaps you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed by work or experiencing a wave of sadness and loneliness after a breakup. My name is Xiaojie, and I'm a psychotherapist and director at CandleX. For those experiencing significant life events or chronic anxiety and depression, bedtime can be particularly challenging. Years ago, at a mindfulness retreat, a teacher said that the day doesn't start when you wake up, but when you go to bed. This is why I've created mini-sessions at 10:30pm to help prepare you for a good night's sleep and equip you with tools to navigate conflicts and stress you may face the next day. I work with clients who have a range of experiences, from bipolar disorder and abusive relationships to addiction recovery, depression, anxiety, and low mood. Regardless of their life situation and presenting issues, they all benefit from building up their resources bank where they can deposit tools to help regulate their mood. The more you exercise your mind with these tools, the stronger and more "rich" you become in your emotional resources for rainy days. I've selected tools that are particularly helpful for bedtime to help you establish a healthy bedtime routine and build up your emotional regulation abilities. From March 26th to 30th (Sunday to Thursday), for one week, every day at 10:30pm, you can join me online from your bed or sofa in your pajamas. Before bedtime, it's not ideal to socialize or overly activate your thinking brain, which is why these sessions will have minimal talking and interaction, and you are advised to turn your camera off. The tools are mindfulness-based, and I'll guide you step-by-step for 30 minutes. The next day, you're welcome to share your experiences using these tools in our WeChat group and get to know each other. Remember, in order for the world to love you, you need to learn to love yourself first. This one week, I hope to get you started on that process. Would you like to join me? Contact Summer for details of the fee and registration. You can find her WeChat (ID: Zingyzinger) in the description. About the Facilitator

September 2022, China Development Brief featured Project A for their work in providing affordable therapy to survivors of abusive relationships in Beijing. Accessing affordable mental health support in China can be a challenge to both locals and foreigners alike. For survivors of abusive relationships, it can be especially difficult to find suitable spaces for therapy and healing. As founders, Megan Purvis and Qin Xiaojie discuss the inspiration behind Project A, the unique ways in which they’ve operated via community funding, and their plans for the future of the program. Empathizing with the complexities of seeking help from domestic violence and intimate partner abuse, Xiaojie shares insight to the methods used in therapy sessions that help facilitate the healing process. Read the full article here: Providing affordable therapy in Beijing: Project A interview Read the interview in Chinese, please click here: A计划：中美女性联手帮助家暴受害者走出阴影

May 2023, CandleX founder Xiaojie, a registered psychotherapist, was featured by Jingkids for her service & impact as a mental health professional supporting the expat community in Beijing.In this interview she shares some poignant thoughts on the topics of home, motivation, and finding meaning in the madness.As a long time Beijinger, what makes this city so special? What does it mean to embrace the unfolding of life? For Xiaojie, it’s all about finding a sense of groundedness in community and staying true to her inner momentum. From mental health work, mindfulness practice, and yoga, to dancing, jujitsu, and diving, she touches on her favorite activities and the simple joy of living in flow.A creator of her own genre and a student of her own teaching, Xiaojie gives insight to the importance of self-care, goal setting, and the transformational power of being true to oneself. Read the full article here: CandleX Founder Xiaojie Has Done This Activity For 10+ Years...

As more attention is placed on the importance of mental health, we have seen a rising number of support groups being established across various communities. These community-based mental health support groups include peer support group (by Candle X), alcohol anonymous group, sex addiction group, men’s group, sexual trauma group, abusive relationship recovery group, and more. Besides these community-based services, there are companies that provide group coaching or therapy services for a specific group and a goal such as conflict resolution, stress, anxiety, and so on. Facilitators of mental health groups take on the role of holding space for participants. It’s never an easy role given the area of work that we do. Sometimes facilitators might feel frustrated, confused, incapable or conflicted, and are not emotionally supported through that process. Moreover, many facilitators who initiate groups on their own do not get enough technical support to grow as a facilitator. Since 2015, CandleX has provided training for group facilitators, while also providing one-on-one coaching and support to individuals who are in this role. As requests for this type of support increase, we would like to create a regular, ongoing space to support facilitators both emotionally and technically. Bi-monthly Facilitator’s Gathering Session Online is a place where facilitators come together and process their challenges and struggles, and check-in with one another’s wellbeing. The goals of these gathering sessions are: Meet other facilitators who work on their own, and feel a sense of connection Process challenges and struggles experienced as a facilitator Learn from each other on the techniques needed for successful group facilitations Check in with ourselves and others on our emotional wellbeing, including needs that could have been compromised by being on the role Hold ourselves accountable for taking care of ourselves It’s for you if you: are a facilitator of groups, especially on mental health are a therapist or a coach that works with groups Time, Date, Location: 5th July 2023 Every 1st Wed of May, Jul, Sep, Nov 2023: 7pm-8:30pm (May 3, Jul 5, Sep 6, Nov 1 2023) Online via Wechat group Fee: 150rmb (scholarships available for those with financial limitations) Details & Registration: Scan the QR code below to contact Summer are a facilitator of groups, especially on mental health are a therapist or a coach that works with groups Confidentiality: Given the industry that we work in, confidentiality is of vital importance. Trainers and attendees shall not disclose any personal information shared within these support sessions, publicly or privately, unless given direct consent. About the Trainer: Xiaojie Qin Psychotherapist, director of CandleX, manager of the Mental Health Peer support group since 2015. Facilitated countless group sessions as a therapist and a trainer for facilitators over the years.

Feelings of loneliness and disconnection are difficult for us to deal with. If you have recently gone through a breakup, lost a loved one, or experience chronic social anxiety etc., you could feel intense loneliness right before bedtime. If we do not pay attention to how we deal with it and its impact, we might fall into negative coping behaviors like alcohol, excessive phone usage, or hookups to avoid feeling lonely. It’s easy to know what’s the right thing to do, but hard to do it on your own. That’s exactly why we created the Bedtime Session, to tackle one issue at a time. After March’s session on emotional regulation, April’s theme is on sitting with loneliness, together as a group online. Features of the sessions: Each session is 30 mins, and they will be mindfulness-based. You are encouraged to turn your camera off, put on your pajamas, and go straight to bed after each session. In these sessions, there will not be any talking amongst participants so we could wind down. These sessions are created with the Session Goals to: Establish a healthy bed time routine Improve the quality of your sleep Understand loneliness and what it means for you Practicing being with loneliness Increase mental resilience in the long run Not feeling lonely is not a goal here, but it might end up being a result if you do it right Mini-session series details: Time: 22:30-23:00 Beijing Time Sunday to Thursday, every day for 4 days Date: 24th-28th April 2023 Fee: 100rmb, no refund Format: via Voov, guided session Registration: contact Summer About the Facilitator You can also learn about psychotherapy by scanning the QR code in Xiaojie’s profile:

There’s a seed living in the heart of a jungle. When the seed meets water, sunshine, and air, it grows into a tree. I often say that my own experience with mental health is that seed. When I see darkness in other people's hearts, it echoes and turns into tears of water. The warmth I feel from people during my darkest times turns into sunshine, and the support that I get from people turns into air. So just like that, the seed sprouted. I named it CandleX. It’s always the tree that symbolizes my deepest “Care for the Mind.” --Xiaojie Qin Director and Founder of CandleX Photo of Xiaojie in 2022 FOUNDER CandleX was founded on April 1, 2015, in Beijing. The organization was initiated by Xiaojie Qin, who worked with International Non-Profit Organizations in China for a decade, and has a strong personal concern and care for social mental wellbeing. She is a psychotherapist, the director of CandleX, and the co-founder of Project A. VISION Everybody, no matter their mental condition, will be accepted, respected, and supported. GOAL CandleX has the overall objectives to: 1). To increase knowledge and awareness surrounding mental health, as well as reduce the stigma associated with it. 2). Provide social support for those experiencing mental illness including depression, mania, and/or severe anxiety, etc. TARGET GROUP The international community in Beijing and beyond, including expats and Chinese nationals. English-Speaking Programs (since 2015) CandleX offers mental health support to teenagers and adults living in Beijing. Expats and Chinese nationals are all eligible to receive this support. As an English-speaking Chinese national, with personal and professional relationships in the expat community and substantial international travel, Xiaojie found it difficult to identify with the available Chinese mental health services. She was searching for mental health support that utilized a more culturally open approach. This search did not yield any positive results, and she concluded that the English-speaking community in Beijing lacked both social and affordable clinical support. This realization inspired her to fill the gap. Her aim of providing mental health support in English prompted her to found CandleX. The cost of mental health care provided by international private hospitals is prohibitive. Many foreigners living in Beijing are unable to afford access to these resources. There is little to no support available to those not earning the highest of expat salaries. Life abroad is stressful. Stressors include adjusting to a new culture, leaving the familiar, and encountering different thinking styles and cultural norms. Chinese mental health care is available, but the language and cultural barriers make both access and efficacy challenging. In addition to expats residing in Beijing, some Chinese nationals feel that the available Chinese care is too culturally confined to benefit them. CandleX offers affordable, accessible, and quality social support in English. What about Chinese nationals? (Chinese mental health services) Those seeking care in Chinese can access it from a variety of sources. Hospitals, private counseling centers, university-affiliated counseling centers, online counseling platforms, and telephone helplines all offer support. In Beijing alone, there are over a dozen organizations that offer mental health care in Chinese. Since 2021, we provide psychoeducation in Chinese to Chinese teens and their families who live internationally. How many need help? (English mental health services) One in four people experiences some form of mental health issue (1). Beijing is home to an estimated 62,000 foreigners in 2020 (2). The numbers suggest that many foreigners living in Beijing would benefit from accessible mental health care and support. Moreover, many internationally oriented Chinese nationals prefer a more Western approach to psychoeducation and support. CandleX aims to provide this support to those in need so that everybody has access to mental health care regardless of their language, culture, and financial situation. VALUES Our core values guide our actions and are the foundation for engagements among ourselves, the community, and our partners. Mindfulness: Be aware of the consistent changing environment of mental health, and respond nonforcefully as a way to operate as our responses affect us as an organization. Passion: Passion is our engine and drives us forward in everything we do. Consistency: Even in small numbers, as long as there is consistency over time, change can happen (3). Balance: We seek to create and maintain a balance between all elements of life. Connection: We connect with different partners to create a healthy environment. Empowerment: We create an environment that allows our volunteers and audiences to empower themselves to lead. Diversity: We welcome people from all backgrounds, regardless of race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or age. Trust: We provide quality services that we’d love to receive, and we have faith that communities would provide resources needed for those services to sustain. INTERVENTION MODEL CandleX’s intervention model is built in line with the international mental health interventional model, positioning ourselves at the bottom three layers serving the largest scale of the general population: universal prevention interventions, selective preventative interventions, and indicated preventive interventions. PROGRAMS Psychosocial Support Events in Beijing Mental Health Support Group This peer support group meets twice a month (2nd and 4th Tuesday) and offers a safe space from where those going through depression, mania, and severe anxiety can find support. Mental Health Leader’s Empowerment: Facilitator’s Training In order to support the growth of mental health in China for expats community, CandleX takes the approach of empowering young people who are passionate about mental health and want to provide support in the forms of peer support groups and psychoeducational groups. We provide training of mental health facilitators both online and offline in English. Pre-Treatment Guidance One-on-one session with us to guide people through their options in terms of treatment and other alternatives including social and work support to manage their mental health issues. Community Mental Health Events We host community events, including talks, workshops, movie nights, panel discussions, etc. that aim to educate and empower the community in identifying and managing emotions and mental health. Mental Health for Teenagers · Talks & Workshops: provide workshops to teens, their parents, and educators on mental health in schools and in education agencies that work with teens. ·Teens Empowerment Project: engage teens to write their stories, or interview others on mental health, and engage teens with advocacy work through CandleX’s media network. This is a one-on-one coaching project where an individual goes through a process with the support from therapists (not therapy) and media professionals. Online Education ·Classroom: we developed a complete series of articles on basic knowledge on depression; ·Online Courses: we promote short term online learning courses from reputable universities and facilitate learning on psychology; ·Community Writing: stories from our community on mental health from both adults and teens; o My Emotions, My Stories: stories from adults on their mental health. o Teens Open Letters: stories of teens who attend international high schools in China or studying overseas write their experience on mental health, providing insights to educators, parents and their peers ·CandleX Open Wechat Group: a spontaneous and interactive space for community member to engage in facilitated conversations around mental health. Interested in volunteering with us? Visit www.candlex.cn and contact us at: info@candlex.cn References: 1. http://www.who.int/whr/2001/media_centre/press_release/en/ 2. http://www.china-briefing.com/news/2015/01/08/nali-lai-de-overview-expats-china.html 3. First heard on the Ted Talk: The price of shame | Monica Lewinsky

As we are celebrating completing our 8th year in Beijing on 1st April 2023, we want to introduce to you team members who are less known to the public. We are very fortunate to have volunteers who stay with us for years and become the pillars of the organization. Nourouz, a face that many have never met, is one of them. She is the coordinator of the mental health peer support group, and here is her experience with us. Date: 2023 Interviewer: Sharon Liu Editor of CandleX How long have you been volunteering with CandleX? I’ve been volunteering since late 2018, October/November. How did you first get involved? I first started attending the Mental Health Peer Support Group at a time to get some support. It helped me to realize that I am not the only person with struggles. When there was a need for a coordinator, I happily accepted the role and volunteered ever since. What made you decide to continue volunteering for this long? First of all, I like the idea that I’m helping in some way or another. Xiaojie and I became good friends after I got engaged with CandleX, and I really want to help her out as much as I can. Those are the main two things. Xiaojie and what she’s doing are what I like about being part of CandleX. I’ve come to realize that mental health is really important and we don’t talk about it enough. Maybe in places like European countries and the US, it’s important to them because they can afford it and the culture is different. But I think in other cultures it’s not talked about enough as something important. I think it should be, and Xiaojie is helping with that in China specifically. I think that if she keeps doing what she’s doing right now it can inspire other people to do the same and have a really good, long-lasting impact (please check out our mental health facilitator training provided by Xiaojie. Sign up open now). Not just on people individually but on the culture in general. Aside from that, China is not as open as we think it is. Yes, there are support groups for people but they’re mostly in Chinese for Chinese people so foreigners feel isolated if they need that kind of help. I appreciate the fact that Xiaojie does this for foreigners because it could make or break someone’s experience in China. It’s allowing access to a better life for those who aren’t Chinese. It’s nice to connect with people who speak the same language and come from similar cultures. This model could also be applied to other countries too. Having different resources available in different languages so people don’t feel completely isolated from day one, so they can adapt to different cultures and reconnect with their own cultures at some point if they need it. How do you see the Support Group project? Someone once told me after the meeting, “It feels good to know I’m not alone in this. Even if I may not become friends with all of these people in the group, it’s nice to know I’m not alone”. I think the support group brings people together and shows that they’re not completely isolated and that they can reach out any time they feel not so great. They know that if they ever need anyone to talk to then they’re sure to find someone from Support Group or someone from CandleX in general, and get the support they need. So, I think the Support Group creates a community. What does your role entail as a Support Group coordinator? As a coordinator, I answer people’s questions about the Support Group. People mostly ask a lot of questions about the meeting and how it goes. For example, some people are shy and they’re a bit anxious and worried. They don’t know if they have to share their experience on the first day, or if there might be triggering topics. I guide them through what Support Group is and what it entails, and address any concerns they might have. I also scan for registrations, let people into the group chat so they can attend, and keep track of how many people are attending. I coordinate with facilitators to make sure there’s someone available on time, and make sure they are okay with facilitating a meeting by checking if they’re not too overwhelmed or not in a good place. Support Group is not just about attendees- it’s also about those who are part of the team. They also need taking care of. Can you share some challenges you’ve faced while in this role? The most challenging part is the time conflict caused by having a time sensitive full-time job, a master's thesis to write and having to do most of the work related to the support group during work hours due to the time difference. Sometimes, I make some mistakes and basic tasks take a bit too long to get done. I forget to publish the article, or do it late. I approve sign-ups a bit late or reply to those interested in the SG late and can't really keep the conversation going, because I have another person waiting for me to answer their questions as well. It’s especially challenging because my job involves live chatting with customers and requires me to be 100% focused until my break time. I usually spend my lunch on CandleX tasks and try finish them during that one hour, which is almost never possible because people don't reply immediately. Also, people interested in the support group are asking for help and support. I can't just ask them to read the article. That's just rude and good for no one. I have to take my time and be patient and show compassion and answer them properly- and preferably quickly. How has being a part of CandleX helped you in your personal growth? It’s helped me learn to communicate better with people. It’s helped me to better convey my feelings, thoughts, and ideas. I remember struggling a lot in the first few support group meetings. I wasn’t talking or sharing- I didn’t even know how to. Being a volunteer at CandleX helped a lot with that. It’s also teaching me about time management. With school, volunteering, and work it was and still is quite challenging. But I feel like volunteering has taught me how to manage my time better. It’s taught me how to be better at multitasking and especially on how to better communicate with people, also with empathizing in general. Xiaojie has always been very supportive in making sure that I am comfortable with the tasks I have. And I always say yes, that everything is okay, because I sincerely believe that it is okay. Even though it’s challenging, with the right mind set and proper time management I am able to keep up. Do you have any final thoughts you’d like to share? I hope that CandleX keeps going and it grows to help more people, to reach them in all kinds of ways, and help them however they need to be helped.

Xiaojie Qin, Founder of CandleX, has a past with bipolar disorder. Although sheis no longer labelled with this condition, she wrote this piece two years ago about her experience. The accompanying image, short by Pere Ibañez, is part of the “Moodlab” series and is name’s 11 de Octubre. Name: Xiaojie Qin Country of Origin: China Occupation: Management Fear of Missing Out | My Bipolar Disorder The thing about bipolar is You have half of a life Many people with bipolar II spend longer time being depressed Than being creative, energetic, productive and happy When depression hits I was dead for months out of a year Before I was aware that it’s bipolar I was so confused “Why can’t I think of anything that I want to do?” I used to ask myself So one time when I was in remission I put together a list of things that I like doing or should do I thought maybe sometimes I just forget The depression hits Nothing on the list was appealing I was baffled Then there it came the long never ending days of despair Until the chemicals in my brain balances itself out It cycles I noticed it But I could do nothing about it Even when I was happy and contend I knew some day, I’d be on the other end It’s like being in the wavy ocean Your head is in and out of water I never had time to make sense of what’s happening When you can hold your head above the water All you can think of it to breath That’s what I was like I was trying to make most of my functioning days Running, doing, and rushing I know the color I can see will turn grey The music I hear will fade Some days my limbs would out of nowhere become so heavy that I wouldn’t be able to move them To me, I only have half of my life When I feel alive, I spin myself like a top Once you whip, you can’t stop! I’ve taken many walks at 6am because it’s quiet and beautiful I once watched a documentary about lepers twice in one night because it was fascinating I danced one weekend day for 14 hours, lost 3 toenails and had to go to physical therapy for my hips One Saturday, I studied online for 6 hours straight, just because. Hypomania That’s the technical word given for bipolar disorder II My body’s switch was finally turned on My soul woke up from hibernation, taking a big stretch So I was that volcano, pent up with lava that is pounding My mind decided to let it go “Make the most out of the time” there’s always that voice Missing out There were times in life I looked up and saw a plane in the sky I thought to myself that they are so lucky to have a destination I arrived in Paris Only found that my soul didn't get on the same bus with me I was in Rome Having the worst panic attacks of my life I saw the magnificent architecture But my emotions were too dried out to be in touch with the magnificence I was in Nepal I booked the flight back immediately after work Why stay for the weekend When where I am is of no difference Like most people I wish I didn't have to miss out on these wonderful things that are happening in life I also wish that I never have to miss out again, despite that I know there will probably be times that I will Like for most people that wishful thinking creates a hamster wheel A lot of times, I feel like a hungry homeless person That sees a plateful of food He wouldn’t sit down to smell and taste the food He’d just gulp everything down Just like him I was galloping life in one breath Until I finally started to do yoga and meditate That I realize there was other ways In a way, we all live in the waves of an ocean Some waves are bigger than others Mine certainly was like a tornado I am learning to ride the waves Not fighting it But riding it Learning to accept that others will experience things that I may never get to do helps me to bring the wave down. I know very well that I am experiencing things that some others would never do Don’t fear missing out Bring yourself back to the experience that you are already having Ignore the voice that tells you to do more The fear of missing out fades The joy of living the moment enhances July 2017 Author | Xiaojie Proofread | Mara, Lucy To see more photos and stories from the campaign, follow our Moodlab column or visit Camera Stylo between 29 June and 14 July 2019 in Beijing. If you would like to share your story with the CandleX community in the form of poetry or writing, send an e-mail to stories@candlex.cn. #psychosocialsupport #bipolardisorder #meditation #CandleX #depressionstory #bipolar #mentalhealth #mentalhealthstory

In Dec 2022, we sent out a survey to gather information on sex addiction in China amongst the international community. Until 22nd Jan, we have received 53 responses, in which 49 are valid, from those who identified themselves as struggling with sex addiction. In the meantime, we are calling for applicants to join our sex addiction recovery group. To understand what sex addiction is, check out our article here. Let’s look at the results based on 49 responses. Gender The majority of our responses come from men, 86% compared to from female of 14%. This is in line with the academic research findings in many papers that the majority of individuals that struggle with sex addiction are men. Age 82% of the responses come from people between the age of 18 to 40. Limitation: this does not reflect the make-up of sex addiction people. It is possible that those who were willing to fill out the questionnaire, or those the survey reached are people who are under 40. This make-up of the active international community members tend to be those who are below 50 years old. Relationship status About half of the responds are in a committed relationship, while 35% are single. Severity of self-assessed addiction level We asked people to rate their level of addiction from 1-10, 1 being no addiction and 10 of being the worst addiction they could imagine. On average, it’s 7 that people feel like they are addicted to sex. 85% of the respondents rate their addiction at and above level 6. Limitation: self-assessment is subjective. Everyone’s understanding of what each level means could differ. Length of sex addiction The average duration of their addiction that respondents filled out is 11 years. This could be due to the shame and lack of social and professional support. Some respondents found it difficult to know the length. It could be due to the lack of awareness on the onset, and the debatable line (for self-assessing) when it’s healthy sex and when it becomes an addiction. We want to thank our partners for promoting the survey, Date Night China, Youman Potential, BARE, Fun Beijing, Men are Humans Too, and Hopelessly Tatiana.

Is sex addiction a real thing? although there are still many debates on this even within the academic and clinical mental health field, it is a real thing. ICD-11, International Classification of Diseases, added ‘Complusive Sexual Behaviour disorder’ into its newest edition in 2018. Check out our video on ‘what is sex addiction?’ by Xiaojie Qin, a psychotherapist and director of CandleX. Starting in Dec 2022, at CandleX, we have been exploring possible ways to support people with sex addiction. We sent out a survey for people who are aware of their addiction to fill out and received many responses that indicates that there’s a great need for support. The survey is still open, we would love to hear from you. In the next few months of 2023, we will start a series of activities online and offline in China with the support of our awareness raising partners including Date Night China, Youman Potential, BARE, Fun Beijing, Men are Humans Too, and Hopelessly Tatiana. In the next few months, we’ll start community mobilization, and potentially start a psychosocial recovery group for people with sex addiction. To keep in touch with us, you can also join our CandleX’s WeChat group by adding our WeChat coordinator on it. We’d like to thank our partners, Date Night China, Youman Potential, BARE, Fun Beijing, Men are Humans Too, and Hopelessly Tatiana for raising awareness on sex addiction with us.